From 0a5ceee85e938bd2800690ce9828b0449db601bb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: BodgeMaster <> Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2023 18:51:21 +0100 Subject: [PATCH] 'zz' (End): revision --- zz--end.html | 51 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------------------- 1 file changed, 26 insertions(+), 25 deletions(-) diff --git a/zz--end.html b/zz--end.html index b327a62..0ce3db8 100644 --- a/zz--end.html +++ b/zz--end.html @@ -6,10 +6,10 @@ The group sits around the pot with leftovers on the gas stove, enjoying the view of the skyline from above. They had decided to wait on top of one of the tallest sky scrapers the city had to offer to increase their - odds of seeing where Emily would land. The intense light of the sunset - paints Nova Metropolis in various hues of vibrant orange and the moon - is already visible in the sky. They are engaged in a conversation about - the mind-boggling vastness of space and all it contains. + odds of seeing where Emily would land. The intense light of the setting + sun paints Nova Metropolis in vibrant hues of yellow and orange and the + moon is already visible in the sky. They are engaged in a conversation + about the mind-boggling vastness of space and all it contains.

bebebebeep bebebebeep bebebebeep bebebebeep @@ -31,36 +31,34 @@ towards the sky. Jack and Annie join them. Jack takes a compass out of his pocket and briefly looks at it. Then, he points in a direction in the sky and says:
- The pod should appear somewhere around + The shuttle should appear somewhere around there.
James hands his binoculars to Michelle for a moment.
I see it! There! she exclaims before - handing them back to him. -

-

- The capsule looks like a tiny, red glowing dot in the sky, slowly - growing in size. For a few minutes, nothing seems to happen. The dot gets - bigger and bigger turning into a black circle as the glow dims and - finally disappears. The pod sheds its heat shield as it slowly comes - closer. + handing them back to him.
+ It looks like a tiny, red glowing dot in the sky, slowly growing in size. + For a few minutes, nothing seems to happen. The dot gets bigger and + bigger, turning into a black triangle as the glow dims and finally + disappears. The shuttle sheds its heat shield as it slowly comes closer.

Around the 15 minute mark, Jack notices that it has moved almost above them.
- That's a bit too close for comfort - and - way too fast. he says.
- Parts appear to be breaking off from the pod. They watch the last couple - minutes of the fall realizing that something has seriously gone wrong. - It plummets into the city, shaking the ground slightly, and taking - multiple buildings down with it. Nobody says anything for a while as they + That's a bit too close for comfort – + and way too fast. he says.
+ Parts appear to be breaking off from it. They watch the last couple + minutes of the fall realizing that something has gone seriously wrong. + It plummets into the city, taking multiple buildings down with it. + The ground shakes slightly. Nobody says anything for a while as they watch the buildings around the impact crumble and the remaining parts rain out of the sky in a mix of awe and shock.

- Guys, over there! Michelle points into - the sky behind them. A parachute... -
- reaction needed
+ Michelle interrupts the silence: Guys, over + there! She points into the sky behind them. + A parachute...
+ reaction needed – something along the lines + of "Sie hat mehr Glück als Verstand"
They watch as it disappears between the buildings.

@@ -68,8 +66,11 @@ he had insisted on bringing.
Maybe, she can hear us from here...
- She swiches it on and turns the frequency dial until the needle is in - the position that Jack had marked.
+ She hooks up the battery, flips the power switch, and turns the frequency + dial until the needle is in the position that Jack had marked.
+ Note to self: The battery is a car battery. Make + that clear at some point before this chapter. Maybe include the part where + Jack insists on bringing it.
Emily, can you hear us? Are you okay? Might benefit from proper radio protocol