'pa' Basic Needs: revision of first two paragraphs

pa-Basic_Needs.html

@@ -5,17 +5,16 @@
   Jack drives into a dried-out river. In the distance on the other side is
   a group of houses that, while they have certainly seen better days,
   don't look abandoned. The truck struggles to get traction in the
-  sand on the other side of the river bed. After getting stuck, Jack backs
-  up and turns into the river. He accelerates, then steers back onto the
-  river bank – to no avail. He turns back into the river again.
-  The engine roars. First gear, second gear, third gear... Then, he steers
-  back into the side of the river. <span class="comment">rephrase bc
-  repetetiveness</span>
+  sand on the other side of the river and eventually gets stuck.
+  <span class="quote speech">Well fuck.</span> Jack backs up and turns
+  into the river. He accelerates, then steers back onto the river bank
+  &ndash; to no avail, the truck gets stuck again. He turns back into the
+  river. The engine roars. First gear, second gear, third gear...
 </p>
 <p>
   The suspension bottoms out as the truck plows uphill through the sand,
-  barely making it out of the river. Annie holds her shoulder that had
-  been pushed into the seat belt.<br />
+  barely making it out of the river. Annie holds her shoulder, it hurts
+  from getting pushed into the seat belt.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Can we not do that again, please?</span><br />
   <span class="comment">response?</span><br />
   Jack turns around and drives onto the overgrown remains of a road leading