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'pa' Basic Needs: revision of first two paragraphs

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BodgeMaster 2024-01-31 08:22:34 +01:00
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pa-Basic_Needs.html
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@ -5,17 +5,16 @@
Jack drives into a dried-out river. In the distance on the other side is Jack drives into a dried-out river. In the distance on the other side is
a group of houses that, while they have certainly seen better days, a group of houses that, while they have certainly seen better days,
don't look abandoned. The truck struggles to get traction in the don't look abandoned. The truck struggles to get traction in the
sand on the other side of the river bed. After getting stuck, Jack backs sand on the other side of the river and eventually gets stuck.
up and turns into the river. He accelerates, then steers back onto the <span class="quote speech">Well fuck.</span> Jack backs up and turns
river bank &ndash; to no avail. He turns back into the river again. into the river. He accelerates, then steers back onto the river bank
The engine roars. First gear, second gear, third gear... Then, he steers &ndash; to no avail, the truck gets stuck again. He turns back into the
back into the side of the river. <span class="comment">rephrase bc river. The engine roars. First gear, second gear, third gear...
repetetiveness</span>
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
The suspension bottoms out as the truck plows uphill through the sand, The suspension bottoms out as the truck plows uphill through the sand,
barely making it out of the river. Annie holds her shoulder that had barely making it out of the river. Annie holds her shoulder, it hurts
been pushed into the seat belt.<br /> from getting pushed into the seat belt.<br />
<span class="quote speech">Can we not do that again, please?</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">Can we not do that again, please?</span><br />
<span class="comment">response?</span><br /> <span class="comment">response?</span><br />
Jack turns around and drives onto the overgrown remains of a road leading Jack turns around and drives onto the overgrown remains of a road leading