From 196849620bf141fee7b0376361a3cdd4c2c982d5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: BodgeMaster <>
Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2023 19:21:23 +0100
Subject: [PATCH] 'ra' (Emily first contact): revision

Tore out the section about the phone call entirely, revised the rest
---
 ra--Emily_first_contact.html | 95 +++++++++---------------------------
 1 file changed, 22 insertions(+), 73 deletions(-)

diff --git a/ra--Emily_first_contact.html b/ra--Emily_first_contact.html
index 32fa7db..5dda20d 100644
--- a/ra--Emily_first_contact.html
+++ b/ra--Emily_first_contact.html
@@ -15,13 +15,12 @@
     </ul>
   </li>
   <li class="comment">
-    Emily and Lena sit down at a desk with a view of the biotope and have
+    Emily and Lena sit down at a table with a view of the biotope and have
     a meal
     <ul>
       <li class="comment">
         the meal gets interrupted by the equipment in the control center
-        coming to life (fans coming on, some control panels lighting up,
-        boot-up/status/ready beeps)
+        coming to life
         <ul>
           <li class="comment">
             a status light on the wall, that Emily had never seen on,
@@ -74,9 +73,6 @@
   </li>
 </ul>
 <p>
-  <span class="comment">note: need to check mice eating behavior when fed,
-  might want to add a section where she actually handles and feeds them
-  </span><br />
   Emily closes the cage and puts the &lt;whatever they feed the mice&gt;
   back into the cupboard. She <span class="comment">does something related
   to taking care of the mice</span>, steps out into the hallway, and
@@ -87,24 +83,23 @@
 <p>
   3 &ndash; 5 &ndash; 2 &ndash; 1 &ndash; Enter. The keypad beeps with
   every button press. A computer voice announces
-  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span>. The door to the main
-  control center module slides up and she steps through. The module
-  contains one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks
-  arranged <span class="comment">need a fitting description of what a
-  mission control rom looks like</span>. The wall to the left that most of
-  the seats are facing is completely taken up by a panorama window into
-  the biosphere, an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support
-  beams completely taken up by plant life, trees, small animals, and a big
-  pond. The wall to the right holds a large status panel with some
-  seven-segment displays for information and lots of big status indicator
-  symbols.
+  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span> and the door slides
+  up. She steps through into the main control center. The module contains
+  one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks arranged
+  <span class="comment">need a fitting description of what a mission
+  control rom looks like</span>. The wall to the left that most of the
+  seats are facing is completely taken up by a panorama window into the
+  biotope, an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support beams,
+  completely filled with plant life, trees, small animals, and a big pond.
+  The wall to the right holds a large status panel with some seven-segment
+  displays for information and lots of big status indicator symbols.
 </p>
 <p>
   Emily walks down the shallow stairs towards the panorama window. In
   front of the window are tables and chairs that were moved there recently
   as the room had become more of a general hangout spot for the remaining
-  people when they were still around. Lena sits at one of them,
-  <span class="comment">preparing something</span> while waiting for her.
+  people when there still more than just Lena and her. Lena sits at one of
+  them, cutting a bread into slices while waiting for her.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
   missing dialog about food and starting to eat
@@ -115,64 +110,18 @@
   turn on. Some of the status indicators on the back wall start blinking.
   A large, green triangle with the letters LINK next to it flickers and
   then lights up. Emily looks at it in confusion.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">What does that light mean?</span> She gestures
-  towards it.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">What&apos;s going on?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s them.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Earth people?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Yes</span>, Lena replies while quickly
-  finishing her meal, <span class="quote speech">they said they&apos;d try
-  to get a phone connection going.</span><br />
-  As if on cue, the phone on the large center console begins to ring. Lena
-  gets up and walks over, Emily follows her. <span class="comment">note:
-  might need to imply that Lena is very sick</span> Lena sits down in
-  front of it, picks up the receiver, and presses a few buttons.
-  The speaker on the console starts crackling and hissing. Through the
-  noise, they hear a faint voice. Lena leans over to a microphone and
-  talks into it:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">We can&apos;t hear you, one moment.</span>
-  <br />
-  She flips some switches on the console. The speaker cracles some more,
-  then a loud pop, then silence. The smell of magic smoke is in the air.
-</p>
-<p>
-  Lena turns to a terminal and starts typing.<br />
-  <span class="comment">note to self: missing establishing connection<br />
-  note to self: add some data corruption</span>
-</p>
-<pre class="terminal">
-MOON-01 &gt; This hasn&apos;t been maintained in forever. I think the
-          phone just went.
-EARTH-53&gt; You may wanna check the modules under P2 for burnt components.
-MOON-01 &gt; I know.
-MOON-01 &gt; We have another problem somewhere along the line. There&apos;s
-          apparently more noise than signal.
-</pre>
-<p>
-  Lena opens a cover with a small label &quot;P2&quot;, pulls two cards
-  out of their sockets, and inspects them. One has a big black burn mark
-  right in the center. She turns to Emily:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Can you fetch me this module from another
-  phone?</span>
-</p>
-<p>
-  <span class="quote speech">And?</span> Michelle asks Jack as he looks up
-  from the terminal.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Weak signal - and they need to fix their
-  phone.</span><br />
-  James asks <span class="quote speech">What about that plan B of
-  increasing the transmit power?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Meh.</span> Jack doesn&apos;t seem too
-  enthusiastic about it.<br />
-  <span class="comment">TODO: Dialog. They decide not to increase the
-  power before double-checking that everything is aligned properly. Sure
-  enough, they&apos;re off by a bit.<br />
-  Request for comment: Does this make the story more interesting or is it
-  confusing? I originally didn&apos;t want to do perspective changes
-  within chapters, and I still might not, but this was too good of an idea
-  not to write it down.</span>
+  finishing her meal, <span class="quote speech">They have some abilities
+  to remotely control things &ndash; including turning on the main radio
+  transmitter.</span><br />
+  She gets up and asks Emily to follow her to one of the consoles with a
+  terminal. She sits down in front of it, logs on and enters a few
+  commands.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  note to self: After fixing the alignment, pick up on the moon and
-  continue.
+  corrupted chat, the connection has deteriorated in comparison to before
 </p>
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