From 2ac3e76a4fef438ef46a06652481ba083f27c6e2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: BodgeMaster <> Date: Thu, 15 Jan 2026 08:33:23 +0100 Subject: [PATCH] many chapters: minor revisions - mostly wording fixes, some small gaps filled Yeah I just wanna get rid of that list of red files in my `git status` but many of these aren't worth pushing on their own. --- 03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html | 2 +- ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html | 4 +-- pa-Bare_Necessities.html | 3 +-- pb-Fine_Print.html | 29 +++++++++++----------- qb-Banished.html | 13 +++++----- va-Alone-Lena_death.html | 35 +++++++++++++++------------ 6 files changed, 44 insertions(+), 42 deletions(-) diff --git a/03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html b/03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html index 7bdde1c..5a77acf 100644 --- a/03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html +++ b/03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html @@ -75,7 +75,7 @@ She hurries up the stairs and gets on. The doors close and it begins to move. Annie catches her breath and takes her library card out to look at it. The note written on it reads: - <metro station> 10:30PM + Metro Crystal Park 10:30PM tonight.

diff --git a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html index fe2d9b1..74bc341 100644 --- a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html +++ b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html @@ -59,8 +59,8 @@

Looking outside again, Annie realizes:
I have never seen one of these – - she knocks on the control panel – go - this fast.
+ she taps her hand on the control panel – + go this fast.
Me neither, says Jack. He adds: There used to be trains that could go faster – a lot faster – but not the metro. diff --git a/pa-Bare_Necessities.html b/pa-Bare_Necessities.html index 378fed2..7ed961a 100644 --- a/pa-Bare_Necessities.html +++ b/pa-Bare_Necessities.html @@ -155,7 +155,6 @@
Uhh... yes.
He seems to be taken aback by her sudden excitement.
- Missing: explanation, they go to car, Mary sits in - the front with Jack + Missing: explanation, they go to car

Copyright © 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) – All rights reserved.

diff --git a/pb-Fine_Print.html b/pb-Fine_Print.html index e89b243..acdb0ff 100644 --- a/pb-Fine_Print.html +++ b/pb-Fine_Print.html @@ -4,18 +4,19 @@

- They drive on a dirt road alongside the dried-out river name. The road is in pretty poor condition and they get - shaken thoroughly.
- Mary appears to be having a blast: + shaken thoroughly. Mary sits in the front with Jack, showing him the way. +
+ She appears to be having a blast: Faster! Faster!
I don't think Annie would appreciate that.
Aww.
- Annie says thanks from the rear seats. + They hear Annie say thanks from behind + Jack.
+ somezthing along the lines of "You good back + there?"

+

Copyright © 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) – All rights reserved.

diff --git a/qb-Banished.html b/qb-Banished.html index 1d25766..8f8f34a 100644 --- a/qb-Banished.html +++ b/qb-Banished.html @@ -56,8 +56,9 @@ told to fill in the rest.

- something is missing here, maybe add a - paragraph about the trial itself + Not much later, she finds herself at trial. As laid out in the paperwork, + she gets banished. She is almost kinda surprised it wasn't + a trick, but also relieved.

Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench. @@ -95,15 +96,15 @@ It's a short ride from the prison to the nearest train station. Apart from a few cars moving around, the entire area is completely dark. No steetlights, no lit-up windows. It is dark enough that she can see - a faint shimmer on the dome ceiling, reflecting from other parts of - the city. + a faint shimmer on the dome ceiling, reflecting the light from other + parts of the city.

A train is waiting at the platform. Rather than the usual metro, this one - is made up of a battery locomotive and a few flatbed cars. The guard + is made up of a battery locomotive and a few flat bed cars. The guard hands the key to her handcuffs over to a guy who seems to be in charge. They sign some paperwork. Then, the guard leaves and the guy tells her - to go sit on the last of the flatbed cars. + to go sit on the last car at the end of the train.

A few minutes later, the same repeats with Lucas. He sits down next to diff --git a/va-Alone-Lena_death.html b/va-Alone-Lena_death.html index 8aa5a43..230a392 100644 --- a/va-Alone-Lena_death.html +++ b/va-Alone-Lena_death.html @@ -9,26 +9,29 @@ bench next to the airlock. Emily helps her all the way into the suit. Lena sits there for a moment, heavily breathing, while Emily waits.
- Sorry, I can't... I feel exhausted. + Sorry, I can't... too exhausted... +
+ Emily nods and continues getting both of them ready.

- Emily takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. She returns - for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall, and sets - it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes sure that - the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read what they - should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with the check - list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks everything - – first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied with her - findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats this - procedure for the second unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they get - into the airlock. + She takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. Then, she + returns for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall, + and sets it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes + sure that the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read + what they should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with + the check list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks + everything – first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied + with her findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats + this procedure for another unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they + get into the airlock.

- The pumps are getting quieter and quieter. Lena kneels on the floor + Helmets on, inner door closed, airlock cycling. The pumps are getting + quieter and quieter as the pressure drops. Lena kneels on the floor holding a bunch of flowers from the biotope module, her life support - unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and and - helps her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and - they start walking, Lena leaning on Emily. + unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and helps + her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and they + start walking, Lena leaning on her.

They reach the graveyard and walk over to the recent graves. The entire @@ -48,7 +51,7 @@ Ultimately, you were right. She is interrupted by coughing. If more had taken Tony's cure – no matter what risk it posed ... – maybe - some of them would be alive now.
+ some of them would have made it.
What about you? Emily asks with a slither of hope in her voice.
No – no cure can save me, it's too