'na' Telescope: revision and continue writing

na-Telescope.html

@@ -4,11 +4,11 @@
 <p>
   Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I know the way.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Wanna drive?</span><br />
-  Jack extends his hand with the keys.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sure.</span><br />
-  She takes them and the four get in the truck. James joins Michelle in
+  Jack hands her the keys and the four get in the truck. James joins
-  the front while Annie and Jack take the rear seats. A few moments later,
+  Michelle in the front, Annie and Jack take the rear seats.
-  Michelle pulls onto the street in front of the bunker.<br />
+  A few moments later, Michelle pulls onto the street in front of
+  the bunker.<br />
   James asks her: <span class="quote speech">How far is it?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">A decent bit. Used to be about an hour on the
   highway. If it&apos;s in even somewhat decent shape, I&apos;d say
@@ -22,15 +22,14 @@
   Michelle floors it and the truck rattles and shakes as it accelerates
   on the uneven asphalt. James <span class="comment">hangs on to the handle
   </span>in the door as the remains of the city outskirts fly by.
-  Michelle notices it:<br />
+  Michelle takes notice:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">James, relax, that seat belt is gonna hold
   you.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How are you not absolutely terrified by the
-  speed you&apos;re going?</span><br />
+  speed?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You get used to it after a while... Also,
   I know very well what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash;
-  I used to drive the same model.</span>
+  I used to drive the same back then.</span>
-  <span class="comment">wording?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Within a few minutes, they make it out of Ivydale, leaving its valley
@@ -45,36 +44,65 @@
   Sentinel&nbsp;Shores and Michelle takes an exit, getting them onto
   a rural road. The observatory is located on a hill, now ahead of them
   &ndash; a small group of buildings in the distance.
-  As they get closer, the buildings take distinct shapes. Two of them stand
+  As they get closer, the buildings take distinct shapes. Two of them
-  out: The one in the center holds a large geodesic dome and another one
+  stand out: The one in the center holds a large geodesic dome and another
-  off to the side is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out of it for
+  one off to the side behind it is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out
-  a telescope to peek through. Well, it <i>was</i> smooth at one point
+  of it for a telescope to peek through. Well, it <i>was</i> smooth at one
-  &ndash; now, it has many holes with a tree growing out of the largest
+  point &ndash; now, it has many holes with a tree growing out of the
-  one. The geodesic dome has ivy vines clinging to it but looks otherwise
+  largest one. The geodesic dome has ivy vines clinging to it but looks
-  surprisingly intact. The other buildings look like mostly unremarkable
+  otherwise surprisingly intact. The other buildings look like mostly
-  ruins in various stages of decay.
+  unremarkable ruins in various stages of decay.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Michelle says to James:<br />
+  Michelle says:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m sorry but it doesn&apos;t look
+  <span class="quote speech">James, I&apos;m sorry, but it doesn&apos;t
-  like your idea of using telescope is gonna pan out.</span><br />
+  look like you&apos;ll be able to look through that telescope &ndash; or
-  <span class="quote speech">Oh well, still worth checking it out &ndash;
+  anyone for that matter...</span><br />
-  maybe, there are old photos left behind... Didn&apos;t you say you also
+  <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Might still find
-  need the telescope?</span><br />
+  pictures there... Didn&apos;t you say you also need a telescope?</span>
-  <span class="quote speech">We need the <i>radio</i> telescope. That&apos;s
+  <br />
-  a very different beast. It&apos;s in that ball made of triangles in the
+  <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: The optical one
-  middle there.</span>
+  back there and the radio telescope in that ball of triangles in the
+  middle there. That&apos;s essentially just a really big antenna.</span>
+  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">How does that work?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Stars emit light, but also other kinds of
+  radiation. Radio telescopes were used to image that.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Can we do that?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">A lot of things would have to go right for
+  that.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  She drives onto what remains of the large paved space inbetween the
+  She drives through what remains of an open gate, onto a large,
-  buildings and parks the truck next to the entrance to the optical
+  overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings. She drives around
+  the radio telescope and parks the truck between it and the optical
   telescope. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over
-  the place, some even out of the buildings. Dora runs up to a bush and
+  the place, some even out of the buildings&apos; walls. Dora runs up
-  barks at it. A young fox jumps out and runs away.<br />
+  to one of the bushes and barks at it. A young fox jumps out and runs
+  away.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Dora, c&apos;mere!</span>
 </p>
+<p>
+  They start by exploring the optical telescope. The lower part of the
+  building is filled with <span class="comment">some technology stuff,
+  preferably not all computers</span> and filing cabinets. Most of their
+  contents are rotting sheets of paper holding documents and logs.
+  Annie finds a folder with photos that are partially stuck together.
+  The ones in the front depicting the outside of the observatory but
+  there is at least one depicting a nebula.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">James, look what I found.</span><br />
+  He puts it into his backpack.
+</p>
+<p>
+  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The stairs are partially
+  collapsed so he moves one of the filing cabinets in their place and
+  climbs to the next floor.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech"></span>
+</p>
 <p class="comment">
-  What now? They start exploring but where to they begin?
+  Plot hole: geodesic dome bad.
+  They start exploring in the optical telescope building - not wasting
+  too much time there. Then, they go into the radome.
 </p>
 
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