Story and consistency improvements

- Annie leaving the dome is no longer a planned event
- made Emily a year older
- both Jack and Michelle explore the Ivydale area
- moved Lena’s death
- exploring the Ivydale train yard is told from Michelle’s perspective

ka (finding the train).md

@@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ They climb back down and make their way over to one of the tank cars. They climb
 Jack looks around.  
 "I don’t know. Lemme take a look inside there..."  
 *Jack’s perspective:*  
-*He steps through where used to be a door that is now laying half-rotten on the ground. Turns out the building used to be a warehouse: It is filled with rotting, partially collapsed towers of crates. The counter to the left of him \[missing text\]*  
+*He steps through where used to be a door that is now laying half-rotten on the ground. Turns out the building used to be a warehouse: ~~It is filled with rotting, partially collapsed towers of crates.~~ The counter to the left of him \[missing text\]*  
 *I have decided to use Michelle’s perspective for this section of the story. This might be a one-off, or it might happen more, Idk.*  
 *Michelle’s perspective:*  
 He disappears through where used to be a door. After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable wrench.  
@@ -28,14 +28,28 @@ He disappears through where used to be a door. After a moment, he reappears, tri
 He knocks the wrench against the ladder on the side of the tank which causes more pieces to break off and hands her the wrench. After a bit of fiddling, she manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the lid in place - it doesn’t budge.  
 "Need a hammer or something?"  
 "That pipe over there should probably do."  
-Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and hands it to her. Putting it over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the bolt snaps.  
+Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and hands it to her. Putting it over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the bolt snaps with a bang.  
 "Well that’s one way to open that" she says as she moves on to the next nut.
 
 *missing section: Michelle opens the lid and finds some disappointing fact - it’s empty or whatever*  
+*then repeat for another one*
 
 The contents of the next tank are more promising.  
 "Smells like diesel... We should go find a truck or something to drive around."  
-"I have a better idea." Jack grins and nods towards the opening in the wall.  
+"I have a better idea." Jack grins.  
 "Oh no, what are you up to again?"  
-"Uhh... Nothing in particular."  
+"Uhh... Nothing in particular... *missing: He needs to say something to the effect of 'Let’s take a look inside here'*"  
-He disappears into the building again, reemerging with a bucket.
+Michelle jumps down onto the edge of the car, then to the ground and follows him to the entrance.
+
+Jack walks over the door on the floor, past the counter to the left, into the wide, open hall that is dimly lit by the light that makes it through the dirty windows and small holes in the surprisingly intact roof. A few rows of large industrial shelves on the other side of the hall hold partially rotting crates. On either side of the area with the shelves are spacious areas with machine tools and other machinery. Only a few plants grow here and there. A single train tack goes through the center of the hall with additional tracks for a gantry crane to either side of it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the rusty crane, sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
+
+*At this point, I have to reconsider a thing...*  
+*Option 1: Michelle thinks it’s a stupid idea to use a train in the post apocalypse (I mean ... it __is__ a stupid idea...)*  
+*\--*  
+*"Jack!?"  
+He turns around but continues his walk backwards.  
+"You seriously want to drive around in a fucking train?"*  
+*\--*  
+*Option 2: Michelle is like "Hell yeah, let’s have some fun"*  
+*\--*  
+*Michelle starts walking towards it. "That better be the diesel-electric version - it’s time for some fun."*

notes/Readme.md

@@ -1,6 +1,8 @@
 Notes to self:
 
 * Rename all train stations except "Central", "West", etc. in Sentinel Shores and Ivydale 
+  * Fish Market → Sea Market
 * Jack can’t have a minicomputer in the bunker or if there is one, it has to be useless to him in some way
 * Home computers should be more like C64s
 * The moon base is, in fact, a moon colony
+* Double-check that I changed all references of Annie leaving the city to not imply this was planned. I changed my mind about the situation; it was something that came from plans going wrong.

notes/locations.md

@@ -98,6 +98,9 @@
   * the station near Annie’s work
   * the station where she jumps into Jack’s train
   * the station they barrel through
+  * Crystal Park
+    * station near a park of the same name
+    * planned to be the station Annie would get off Jack’s train
   * <dome city name> Center - Library
 
 **Homes / bases:**

notes/people and organizations.md

@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@
 * Emily 
   * from the moon 
     * the only (remaining) child in the moon base at the start of the story
-  * around 12yo
+  * around 13yo
   * sole survivor of the disease
   * after some planning, she comes to Earth using an escape capsule
 * Moon base inhabitants 

notes/story.md

@@ -27,7 +27,7 @@
 * \[missing\] Next secret organization meetup 
   * Annie gives the keys back
   * they come up with the idea of stealing a minicomputer from some company that someone has a link to
-  * also the idea comes up that they could ask Jack to get them out in return for them helping him to get out
+  * also the idea comes up that they could ask Jack to help them in return for them helping him to get out
   * has to end with law enforcement arriving at the bar for an unrelated reason and Kate telling them to gtfo
 * \[partial\] Emily intro 
   * Emily wakes up, Lena is in her room crying 
@@ -40,12 +40,13 @@
     * Annie thinks about it for a moment before replying "Actually, brilliant idea..." and quitting
     * She leaves work and heads somewhere to meet up with secret organization members
 * \[missing\] secret organization does secret organization things... 
-  * new location or still the bar?
+  * new location (because day)
   * who is there?
   * preparations for the heist
-  * they also need to come up with the plan that Jack will get Annie and leave the others down there to continue their work 
+  * plans for Annie to meet Jack 
-    * they want Jack and Annie to find a way to mess with the power supply while they work on the inside to influence ppl so that a power outage will actually end up getting the city opened
+    * Jack will need some secret documents to help them (for messing with the power supply of the city)
-    * maybe Jack will have a reason to only accept one person like still figuring out a reliable food source
+    * they decide to meet on a train
+      * Jack says he knows ways to get in and out
 * \[missing\] Jack finishes writing the program and sends it to Karl
 * \[missing\] the heist 
   * Annie, Isabelle, Lucas, and the inside contact go in and collect equipment and bring it to the front door
@@ -60,17 +61,17 @@
   * they break the encryption of the floppy disk (takes like three days)
 * *\[missing\] some moon scene, possibly something that shows that Lena doesn’t like the lab mice*
 * \[missing\] Jack gets the bunker door open and wakes up Michelle 
-  * they establish a base
+  * they explore the Ivydale area
-  * Jack explores the Ivydale area
+  * find a working metro train somewhere that only needs some mild fixing up 
-  * He finds a working metro train somewhere that only needs some mild fixing up 
+    * This may or may not remain unknown to Annie
-    * This may or may not be unknown to Annie
 * \[missing\] meanwhile, the secret organization works on getting the computer equipment back to its rightful owners 
   * they get caught and run/gtfo, leaving the computer at the front entrance
   * there will have to be another news segment, something like this: 
     * "In a bizarre turn of events, members of a suspected terrorist group have returned the stolen computer to xyz corp. It had been stolen from their headquarters four days prior..."
-  * They coordinate to get Annie out of the city asap 
+* \[partial\] Annie meets Jack
-    * The others stay behind to continue their work on getting the officials to allow opening the air locks
+  * Jack drives a train into the dome
-* \[partial\] Annie escapes the dome city / Jack drives the train into it and gets her out 
+  * original plan was to meet on a train and hand over the documents
+  * things go wrong and Annie ends up leaving the dome with Jack
   * Annie sees the outside world for the first time
 * \[missing\] James the nomad shows up with his dog 
   * only Michelle is there, Jack and Annie are still on their way
@@ -98,8 +99,8 @@
   * *encounter the electronics tinkerer*
   * *problematic encounter with one of the groups/tribes/whatever* 
     * *the members have gone nuts and are religious fanatics*
-    * *They see Jack’s Neotek Dynamics company clothes and start treating him as a god* 
+    * *They see Jack’s Neotek Dynamics company clothes and start treating him as an evil god* 
-      * *try really hard to stop him from leaving*
+      * *try really hard to stop him from leaving or doing anything*
     * *cause for them to be more cautious? Idk*
   * *neutral encounter with the other one* 
     * *trading or bartering*
@@ -141,7 +142,6 @@
   * Followed by a moon funeral? Idk.
 * When Emily recovers (in a different chapter), Lena says something to the effect of "that should have killed you". 
   * same chapter should have a dialog about how Lena took care of the mice despite originally not being too fond of them
-  * same chapter should have a conversation with Jack - Lena will have talked to him at this point, but it’s news to Emily
 * Lena dies sitting against a boulder next to the grave of her spouse. Emily sits there with her, periodically exchanging oxygen canisters until she dies. They talk over the radio. Lena tells her that she was ultimately right to use what Tony had left behind but it is too late for her now. After she dies, Emily returns to the base and lies down on the floor in a central room looking out though the ceiling for who knows how long (not eating or drinking for like 6h or so). 
   * Something should happen that gets her to get up and realize how incredibly hungry she is - possibly an incoming call / terminal beep from Earth
 * Emily is alone, preparing for her descent to Earth. As part of the preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biosphere module (they came from there originally).

va Alone (Lena death).md

@@ -1,23 +1,23 @@
 Outline:
 
-- Lena and Emily put on their space suits to go outside
+* Lena and Emily put on their space suits to go outside 
-  - (imply that Lena is about to die)
+  * (imply that Lena is about to die)
-  - Lena double-checks that Emily can get back inside
+  * Lena double-checks that Emily can get back inside
-  - Emily helps Lena with her helmet
+  * Emily helps Lena with her helmet
-  - something to the effet of Lena is leaving for one final time
+  * something to the effet of Lena is leaving for one final time
-- they go to the grave of Lena’s SO
+* they go to the grave of Lena’s SO
-- once there, they sit down on the ground
+* once there, they sit down on the ground 
-  - Emily helps Lena take her life support unit off her back
+  * Emily helps Lena take her life support unit off her back
-  - Lena sits down leaning against a rock, her life support unit next to her
+  * Lena sits down leaning against a rock, her life support unit next to her
-  - "You were ultimately right" conversation
+  * "You were ultimately right" conversation 
-    - Lena has to tell Emily that she should get in touch with Jack using the downlink
+    * Lena has to tell Emily that she should get in touch with Jack using the downlink
-- Emily leaves and returns with new oxygen canisters
+* Emily leaves and returns with new oxygen canisters
-- Lena dies
+* Lena dies
-- Emily returns inside and goes to the top level of the base
+* Emily returns inside and goes to the control center
-  - following any procedures such as operating the air lock as robot-like as possible
+  * following any procedures such as operating the air lock as robot-like as possible
-  - she lies down on the floor and looks out the window in the ceiling
+  * she lies down on the floor and looks out the window in the ceiling
-  - she remains on the floor for an absurd amount of time
+  * she remains on the floor for an absurd amount of time
-- Jack uses the uplink to dial into the station
+* Jack uses the uplink to dial into the station
 
 Emily and Lena start putting on their space suits. Emily is done relatively quickly while Lena makes slow progress as she struggles to keep her balance. Half-way through, she gives up, sitting down on the bench across from the air lock. Emily helps her all the way into the suit. Lena sits there for a moment, heavily breathing, while Emily waits.  
 "Sorry, I can’t... I feel exhausted."