01 Wake Up: Revision

01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html

@@ -26,10 +26,10 @@
   chamber swings aside. Jack steps out into the bunker, breathes the musty
   air, and looks around. The light shining out of his chamber reveals a
   dirty floor. The table and chairs in front of him as well as the kitchen
-  across the room are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal have
-  rust. The red night lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating the rest
-  of the bunker. He looks to the left: The wall is lined with other
-  preservation chambers, all but one of them being powered down.
+  area across the room are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal
+  have rust. The red night lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating
+  the rest of the bunker. He looks to the left: The wall is lined with
+  other preservation chambers, all but one of them being powered down.
   In the corner is the minicomputer controlling the bunker, a half-height
   rack filled to the brim with devices, and next to it a teleprinter, a
   computer-controlled typewriter. Along the rear wall are desks holding a
@@ -53,10 +53,11 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   As he passes each of the presevation chambers, he looks into them. Empty,
-  empty, empty - nothing unexpected here. His own chamber... He presses a
-  few buttons to fully shut it down. The lamp in the ceiling turns off,
-  the door closes, the status lights turn off. After passing two other
-  empty preservaton chambers, he reaches the one that remains active.<br />
+  empty, empty - nothing unexpected here. The others would have been woken
+  up over time. His own chamber... He presses a few buttons to fully shut
+  it down. The lamp in the ceiling turns off, the door closes, the status
+  lights turn off. After passing two other empty preservaton chambers, he
+  reaches the one that remains active.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Hello Michelle.</span><br />
   He checks the status lights of her chamber.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I think I&apos;m gonna leave you in there
@@ -78,8 +79,8 @@
   screwdriver, I guess...</span> He proceeds to jam the handle into a
   screw on one of the kitchen cabinets to see if it will turn. It does
   &ndash; barely. Using a slightly rusty knife sharpener
-  <span class="comment">Wetzstahl?</span> he begins the long and arduous
-  process of making the fork handle more suitable as a screwdriver,
+  <span class="comment">sharpening rod?</span> he begins the long and
+  arduous process of making the fork handle more suitable as a screwdriver,
   grinding its end over it over and over and over. He does this for a long
   time. Over and over and over. His fingers start to go sore and he stops
   to inspect his work. <span class="quote speech">Meh, could work.</span>
@@ -88,21 +89,21 @@
 <p>
   His newly gained screwdriver in hand, he walks back to the control panel
   for the door and unscrews it. After a bit of fiddling, the panel lifts
-  off the wall, pulling cables out of the box behind it. Jack holds the
-  fork by the handle and bends the <span class="comment"> middle?
-  inner?</span> prongs out of the way and attempts to bridge the control
-  panel&apos;s switches using the outer prongs. Nothing happens.
+  out of the niche in the wall, pulling cables out of the box under it.
+  Holding the fork by the handle, he bends the <span class="comment">
+  middle? inner?</span> prongs out of the way and attempts to bridge the
+  control panel&apos;s switches using the outer prongs. Nothing happens.
   <span class="quote speech">Of couse it wasn't gonna be that easy.</span>
+  He starts to dig into the wires, attempting to find the fault, but
+  realizes after a while that the wiring is more complex than expected
+  and he has no idea what he&apos;s doing.
+  <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s get the manual for this
+  thing...</span> <span class="comment">He probably wouldn&apos;t say it
+  like that while talking to himself.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  He starts to dig into the wires, attempting to find the fault. After a
-  while, he realizes that the wiring is more complex than expected and he
-  has no idea what he&apos;s doing. <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s
-  get the manual for this thing...</span>
-</p>
-<p>
-  Jack returns to the desk with the terminal. He flips the switch on the
-  desk lamp. The lamp flickers for a moment and turns off again. He flips
+  Jack returns to the desk with the terminal and flips the switch on the
+  desk lamp. It flickers for a moment before turning off again. He flips
   the switch back and leans over the terminal to turn it on &ndash;
   Bonk! At least this seems to work. While waiting for the picture tube to
   warm up, he walks over to the rack and sits down on the floor in front