From 3de0a2555d0f0dfafcf5a888b3ef4db424fe24c7 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: BodgeMaster <> Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2023 19:37:02 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] 01 Wake Up: Revision, getting rid of the over-used literal thoughts, improve wording of a lot of things --- 01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html | 88 +++++++++++++++++++------------------- 1 file changed, 44 insertions(+), 44 deletions(-) diff --git a/01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html b/01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html index 8844d0e..21ad10b 100644 --- a/01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html +++ b/01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html @@ -3,12 +3,12 @@

Wake Up!

Ahh fuck! Jack exclaims in pain as he - wakes up. He has a terrible headache. As he moves his hands up to hold + wakes up. He has a terrible headache. While moving his hands up to hold his head, he realizes that his entire body hurts.
Owwowwowwowwoww... Ouch!
Emergency defrost complete. Entering low power mode. announces an automated voice.
- He thinks to himself: Get it together, Jack! + He thinks: Get it together, Jack! You knew this was gonna happen. You have trained for this. Where are the meds again? ...

@@ -17,9 +17,9 @@ chamber until he is fully awake. As he stands there, he looks out of the small window in the door. The bunker looks different from yesterday - not yesterday! That was how ever many years ago... Besides the point. - It looks different. Not just "things have moved around" - different, it looks almost like a lost place. Unexpected but - whatever... + It looks different. Not just things have + moved around different, it has the vibe of a lost place. + Unexpected but whatever...

The pressurized air hisses in the lines as the door of the preservation @@ -29,18 +29,15 @@ across the room, are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal have rust. The red night lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating the rest of the bunker. He looks to the left: The wall is lined with other - preservation chambers, all except one of them being powered down. In - front of the rear wall are desks holding a radio, a terminal, and some - boxes. To the left of the desks in the corner is a minicomputer in a - half-height rack and a teleprinter, and above it a phone on the wall - – the usual Neotek equipment. He looks to the right: More - preservation chambers. Instead of a wall, there's the bunker door - – door is a bit of an understatement, it's a massive gate. - A small slither of light passes under it. - These fucking idiots... They didn't - reseal it properly. - not sure if this is speech or a thought or both - + preservation chambers, all except one of them being powered down. + In the corner is a minicomputer in a half-height rack and next to it a + teleprinter. Along the rear wall are desks holding a radio, a terminal, + and some boxes – and above them a phone on the wall – nothing + out of the ordinary here. He looks to the right: More preservation + chambers. Instead of a wall, there's the bunker door – door is + a bit of an understatement, it's a massive gate. A small slither of + light passes under it. These fucking idiots... + They didn't reseal it properly.

He walks over to the door's control panel. The paint is flaking off @@ -74,38 +71,41 @@ the computer.

- There needs to be a mention of him trying to turn - on a lamp but it only flickers for a short moment. - He leans over the desk with the terminal and flips the power switch. - Bonk! Seems to work, at least. While - waiting for the tube to warm up, he walks over to the rack and sits down - on the floor in front of it. He inspects the status lights. - CPU is idle, serials are idle, primary hard + Jack returns to the desk with the terminal. He flips the switch on the + desk lamp. It flickers for a moment and turns off again. He leans over + the terminal and pushes the power switch – Bonk! At least this + seems to work. While waiting for the tube to warm up, he walks over to + the rack and sits down on the floor in front of it. He inspects the + status lights on the various devices thinking aloud: + CPU is idle, serials are idle, primary hard drive is powered up – all good. Secondary hard drive is powered - down, let's change that... He pushes the power button and - hears the spindle spinning up. The power button blinks. There is some - intermittent rattling from the drive, - probably a shot bearing. It takes an - unusually long time for it to get up to speed. Impatiently sitting there, - Jack waits for the drive to be ready. Clicking form the mechanism - unlocking the heads followed by a ringing scratching noise. - Of course, he thinks, quickly pressing - the power button again. The scratching stops and the spindle motor turns - off. That's gonna be an ugly head - crash. He looks around for other ways to get the manual. - He could try calling someone, maybe the lines to <dome city> still - work. + down, let's change that... + He pushes the power button and hears the spindle spinning up. The power + button blinks. There is some intermittent rattling from the drive, + probably a shot bearing. It takes an unusually long time for it to get + up to speed. Impatiently sitting there, Jack waits for the drive to be + ready. Clicking from the mechanism unlocking the heads followed by a + ringing scratching noise. Of course. + He quickly presses the power button again. The scratching stops and the + spindle motor turns off, followed by the platters slowly decelerating. + That's gonna be an ugly head + crash.

- Not exactly excited by the prospect of calling random people, but not - seeing another option, he reaches for the phone. It lifts off the wall - with a quiet click and Jack begins to dial. He holds the receiver to his - ear - silence. Welp, that's that. - He puts it back on the wall. + He gets up and walks over to the phone. Maybe, the lines to + <dome city> still work. Not exactly excited by the prospect of + calling random people, but not seeing another option, he reaches for + the receiver. It lifts off the wall with a quiet click and Jack begins + to dial. He holds the receiver to his ear - silence. + Welp, that's that. He puts it + back on the wall. +

+

+ Need to tie this together - or, alternatively, Jack printing the logs + could be moved to after the Annie interaction as something Jack can do + to pass time.

- I wonder what happened over the - years... He walks over to the the teleprinter and opens the lid to find that something has eaten most of the paper. He removes the remains and opens one of the cabinets under the desks. By some miracle, whatever ate the