From 584f2fa0e7a41c5a8adf7ab0fabb14b8c86540ef Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: BodgeMaster <>
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2024 08:12:54 +0100
Subject: [PATCH] 'ma' Escape: revision

---
 ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html | 37 ++++++++++++++++++-----------------
 1 file changed, 19 insertions(+), 18 deletions(-)

diff --git a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
index c1155c2..26cd840 100644
--- a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
+++ b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
@@ -9,16 +9,17 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Annie!</span> Someone shouts her name.
-  <span class="quote speech">Annie, get in here, run!</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Get in here, run!</span><br />
   She breaks out of her freeze. The train had turned out to be a single
-  car. A single, slightly rusty railcar painted in different shades of
+  car. A single, slightly rusty railcar painted in shades of dark
   blue. <span class="comment">note: make it a theme that the metro is
-  always yellow and red</span> The only person inside is the driver,
-  turning away from the door he just opened - that has to be Jack. His
-  Neotek jacket flaps in the air as he runs to the other end of the train.
-  While Annie is still running towards the open door, the motors start
-  humming. She jumps inside as the train starts to move back in the
-  direction it came from. The door closes just after leaving the platform.
+  always yellow and red</span> The only person inside is the guy who had
+  called out to her, turning away from the door he had just opened.
+  His Neotek jacket flaps in the air as he runs to the other end of the
+  train &ndash; that has to be Jack. The motors begin to hum while Annie
+  is still running towards the open door. She jumps inside as the train
+  starts moving back in the direction it came from. The door closes just
+  after leaving the platform.
 </p>
 <p>
   The train accelerates with a force stronger than anything she has ever
@@ -40,7 +41,7 @@
   Jack seems to think for a short moment while his eyes stay fixated on the
   track ahead.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">That remains to be seen. Coming through that
-  airlock seems to have set off some sort of alarm. Like poking a stick
+  airlock seems to have set off some sort of alarm; like poking a stick
   into an anthill...</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">An anthill?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh, I forgot, you wouldn&apos;t know... Ants
@@ -71,7 +72,7 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Sounds good. Just put them in there for
   now.</span><br />
   He gestures towards a small cabinet in the back of the driver&apos;s
-  cabin. Annie places the pile on top of a few folders and binders that are
+  cabin. Annie places the pile on top of a few books and binders that are
   already in there. The train barrels through another station. Jack slowly
   decelerates the train.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">We&apos;re almost at your drop-off point, next
@@ -96,19 +97,19 @@
   it had opened. The ramps connecting the street below to the airlock are
   full of parked transporters and police cars. Some are even on the tracks
   but the one Annie and Jack are approaching on is mostly clear.
+  He sounds the horn.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Hold onto something!</span> Jack slams on the
-  brakes. The train loses power and rumbles over a bunch of switches.
-  The headlights flicker and turn off. A police car that was parked too
-  close to their track gets flung aside. A bunch of technicians jump out of
-  the way as the train passes them and rolls into the airlock where it
-  comes to a screeching halt. Jack presses some buttons on the control
-  panel.
+  <span class="quote speech">Hold on to something!</span> Jack slams on the
+  brakes. The train loses power and rumbles over a bunch of switches. The
+  headlights flicker and turn off. A police car that was parked too close
+  to their track gets flung aside. A bunch of technicians jump out of the
+  way as the train passes them and rolls into the airlock where it comes
+  to a screeching halt. Jack presses some buttons on the control panel.
 </p>
 <p>
   The screams of the police and technicians are drowned out by the hissing
-  of pressurized air and the *ka-chonk* of large machinery.
+  of pressurized air and the <i>ka-chonk</i> of large machinery.
   <span class="quote speech">Access authorized, cycling airlock, please
   stand by</span>, announces an automated voice. The bunker door behind
   them starts to move with a squeaking noise. The &#8216;keepers of