From 61a085c32885722c54217265fcce4ba0086c000b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: BodgeMaster <> Date: Mon, 29 Jun 2026 21:53:43 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] *: minor revisions everywhere, part 1 I asked AI for feedback because no human will sit down and go through this with a fine-tooth comb and nit-pick everything. Feel free to prove me wrong here, I would much prefer human feedback. This is part of all the random minor language fixes I made as a result. For more information, read the file ai_use.txt in the Git repository. --- ea-RTFM.html | 35 +++++++++----------- ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html | 11 +++---- km-ran_when_parked.html | 11 ++++--- ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html | 4 +-- na-Telescope.html | 58 ++++++++++++++++++++------------- pm--emily_wake_up_again.html | 9 +++-- qb-Banished.html | 11 ++++--- qc-the_floor_is_water.html | 30 +++++++++-------- ra--Emily_first_contact.html | 21 ++++++------ 9 files changed, 102 insertions(+), 88 deletions(-) diff --git a/ea-RTFM.html b/ea-RTFM.html index b7459a1..cb8699b 100644 --- a/ea-RTFM.html +++ b/ea-RTFM.html @@ -7,11 +7,10 @@ Annie arrives at a house with multiple ground-level entrances. She rings one of the doorbells and waits. Nobody answers. She checks that it is the right door – yes, this is grandpa Karl's - apartment. She rings again. A window on in? - one of the adjacent houses opens and she hears Isabelle quietly calling - her:
+ apartment. She rings again. Still nothing. She hears a window being opened + and Isabelle quietly calling her from one of the adjacent houses:
Annie, we're over here.
- She walks over.
+ She looks over, then walks up to the window.
Which door?
Number 15, I'll let you in.

@@ -19,40 +18,38 @@ Lucas and Karl are also inside.
Karl says: We needed a little more space. - This place has been vacant forever, might - as well use it.
+ This place has been vacant forever, might as well use it.
Annie slides her shoes off and leans her bag against the wall. Then, they go into the living room where cables and computer parts are all over the floor. Lucas sits in front of the rack between two opened boxes. The rack's side panels had been removed, revealing the devices mounted inside and the cables connecting them. Lucas is pushing a circuit board into a half-assembled metal box that hangs out the front. Karl goes - over to a stool next to the rack, carefully avoiding stepping on things, + over to a stool next to the rack, cautiously avoiding stepping on things, and sits down.

- Annie sits down next to Lucas and watches as he carefully - synonym for careful? inserts another - board. Karl is reading from a binder of documentation and tells him to - set some tiny switches on its front edge.
+ Annie sits down on the floor next to Lucas and watches as he carefully + inserts another board. Karl is reading from a binder of documentation + and tells him to set some tiny switches on its front edge.
While grabbing the next board, Lucas says: Annie, can you take these and prepare the DIP switches?
He pushes the box over to her. It contains four circuit boards, all identical.
Uhm, okay. - She takes one of the boards out and looks at it. It's full of - electronic components on both sides and one of the edges holds a tiny red - box with an even tinier row of switches on it.
- Above is a bad description. Need naive description + She takes one out and looks at it closely. It's full of electronic + components on both sides and one of the edges holds a tiny red box with + an even tinier row of switches on it.
+ Above is a meh description. Need naive description of DIP switches from someone who doesn't know.
So what do I set them to?
Karl tells her a combination and she tries to push the switches up or down as needed with her finger nails.
- Lucas says Here, use this. and hands - her a pen.
- Using it to flip the switches, she sets the combination Karl says, then - hands the board over to Lucas and grabs the next one. + Lucas says Here, use this.
+ He hands her a ballpoint pen. Using it to flip the switches, she sets + the combination Karl says, then hands the board over to Lucas and grabs + the next one.

Karl takes the racks's power cable and plugs it in. Isabelle gets diff --git a/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html b/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html index 17374a0..28a6e3b 100644 --- a/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html +++ b/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html @@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ leave.
Jack sits down across from her and retells everything that had happened, starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. It takes him about - half an hour, including answering Michelles questions. + half an hour, including answering Michelle's questions.

How have you been dealing with food? @@ -108,11 +108,10 @@ in front of the bunker.
the scene where Jack opens the door should have a short description of the lay of the lands
- The two decide to walk up to a crest? ridge? - not far from them on the other side of the valley. Beyond it is Ivydale, - once a large city housing just over a million people – only one of - whom remains to behold its overgrown ruins. -
+ The two decide to walk up to a ridge not far from them on the other side + of the valley. Beyond it is Ivydale, once a large city housing just over + a million people – only one of whom remains to behold its overgrown + ruins.
Jack is from Sentinel Shores.
Michelle says: I mean I knew it already but seeing it like this just hits differently.
diff --git a/km-ran_when_parked.html b/km-ran_when_parked.html index b1b036c..f46ee56 100644 --- a/km-ran_when_parked.html +++ b/km-ran_when_parked.html @@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ going with this so I'll just leave it in here, commented out. through the pages while Michelle jumps out and stops the generator. He begins to undo knowledge gap here: How does that work? What do you undo to fix a gunked-up fuel injection? - Also, do/did diesel engines have a carb? +

After cleaning out gunk and doing some makeshift @@ -109,10 +109,11 @@ going with this so I'll just leave it in here, commented out.

A few hours pass as they fix up a bunch of other small things around the train and put the floor panels back in. While climbing around the - storage shelves in the hall/hangar?, he - finds a crate of dried-out lead-acid batteries. After adding some water - and letting them sit for a while to dissolve the acid, he shoves them - into the battery compartment and connects the cables.
+ storage shelves in the hall, he finds a crate of dried-out lead-acid + batteries. After adding some water and letting them sit for a while + to dissolve the acid, he shoves them into the battery compartment and + connects the cables.
+ Michelle, can you turn the switch?
Nothing.
diff --git a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html index 74bc341..1f202dd 100644 --- a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html +++ b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html @@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ She breaks out of her freeze. The train had turned out to be a single car. A single, slightly rusty railcar painted in shades of dark blue. note: make it a theme that the metro is - always yellow and red The only person inside is the guy who had + always yellow and red The only person inside is the guy who called out to her, turning away from the door he had just opened. His Neotek jacket flaps in the air as he runs towards the other end of the train – that has to be Jack. The motors begin to hum while @@ -114,7 +114,7 @@

The screams of the police and technicians are drowned out by the hissing - of pressurized air and the ka-chonk of large machinery. + of pressurized air and the heavy clunk of large machinery. Access authorized, cycling airlock, please stand by, announces an automated voice. The bunker door behind them starts to move with a creaking noise. The diff --git a/na-Telescope.html b/na-Telescope.html index 1d4cae9..b18e97b 100644 --- a/na-Telescope.html +++ b/na-Telescope.html @@ -20,18 +20,21 @@

The pavement is cracked and has potholes, and the highway is partially - overgrown but, despite this, its condition is somehow good enough. + overgrown. Despite this, its condition is somehow good enough. Michelle floors it and the truck rattles and shakes as it accelerates on the uneven asphalt. James is occupied with calming down Dora for - a momenr. Eventually, even though she is really too big for that, he - takes her on his lap so she can look outside.
- As he looks back up, he says: Holy shit! - How are you not absolutely terrified by this?
+ + a moment. Eventually, even though she is really too big for that, he + takes her on his lap so she can look outside. He looks back up.
+ Holy shit! How are you not absolutely + terrified by this?
Michelle responds: You get used to it... Also, I know very well what I can or can't do with this car – - I used to drive the same back then. - She glances over at him and adds: Relax, that - seat belt is gonna hold you. + I used to drive the same back then.
+ He holds onto the handle in the door with one hand while trying to hold + Dora with the other.
+ Michelle glances over at him and adds: Relax, + that seat belt is gonna hold you, you gotta hold Dora.

The ruins of the city outskirts fly by. Within a few minutes, they make @@ -49,12 +52,12 @@ – a small group of buildings in the distance. As they get closer, the buildings take distinct shapes. Two of them stand out: The one in the center holds a large geodesic dome and another - one off to the side behind it is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out + one, off to the side behind it, is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out of it for a telescope to peek through. Well, it was smooth at one point – now, it has many holes with a tree growing out of the - largest one. The geodesic dome is partially covered in ivy vines but - looks otherwise intact. The other buildings look like mostly unremarkable - ruins in various stages of decay. + largest one. The geodesic dome is partially covered in vegetation hanging + off its outside but looks otherwise intact. The other buildings look like + mostly unremarkable ruins in various stages of decay.

Michelle says:
@@ -64,15 +67,22 @@ Aww, what a let-down. Still gonna look for pictures there... Didn't you say you also need a telescope?
- There are two telescopes here: The optical one - back there and the radio telescope in that ball of triangles in the - middle there. That's essentially just a really big antenna. + There are two telescopes here: That one + back there is the optical one, and that ball of triangles in the middle + holds a radio telescope. That's essentially just a really big + antenna.
An antenna but you call it a telescope?
It works similarly, just for imaging a much lower part of the electromagnetic spectrum. Stars give off a bunch more than just visible light.
+ I have no idea what you just said but can we try that one?
A lot of things would have to go right for @@ -80,7 +90,7 @@

She drives through what remains of an open gate, onto a large, - overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings, going around + overgrown paved area in between the buildings, going around the radio telescope and parking the truck between it and the optical one. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over the place, some even out of the buildings' walls. Dora runs up @@ -96,21 +106,25 @@ contents are rotting sheets of paper holding documents and logs. Annie finds a folder with photos that are partially stuck together. The ones in the front depicting the outside of the observatory but - there is at least one depicting a nebula.
+ at least one shows a nebula.
James, look what I found.
Oooh thanks!
He takes it and puts it into a bag. + he quickly looks at it, then puts it away

- Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The staircase has partially + Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The stairs have partially collapsed so he drags one of the filing cabinets in their place and climbs to the next floor.
- + Jack callout

- Plot hole: why geodesic dome? - They start exploring in the optical telescope building - not wasting - too much time there. Then, they go into the radome. + Potential plot hole: Why is the telescope inside a geodesic dome? +
+ Missing: exploring the rest of the optical telescope, not wasting too much + time there +
+ Missing: exploring the other telescope

Copyright © 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) – All rights reserved.

diff --git a/pm--emily_wake_up_again.html b/pm--emily_wake_up_again.html index 446bbda..9876185 100644 --- a/pm--emily_wake_up_again.html +++ b/pm--emily_wake_up_again.html @@ -3,18 +3,17 @@

<Emily wake up again>

- Emily wakes up in her bed, laying on her side. Lena is sitting on the + Emily wakes up in her bed, lying on her side. Lena is sitting on the floor in front of her, leaning against the window, with her arms over her knees and her head resting on them. She looks very pale. A few thoughts flash through Emily's mind in quick succession: asleep or dead — she moved a tiny bit, she's breathing — asleep, phew.
- Emily moves into a more comfortable position. Lena - zuckt zusammen and lifts her head, looking - disoriented for a moment.
+ Emily moves into a more comfortable position. Lena jolts awake + and lifts her head, looking disoriented for a moment.
She says in a weak voice: So you will live.
- Emily sits up.
+ Emily moves her blanket aside and sits up.
How long has it been?
About three days.
Have you slept at all?
diff --git a/qb-Banished.html b/qb-Banished.html index 8f8f34a..ac73425 100644 --- a/qb-Banished.html +++ b/qb-Banished.html @@ -39,8 +39,8 @@ a bunch of things in here that aren't true.
Take it or leave it.
What are you getting out of this?
- We don't want people like you here. - You cause too much trouble.
+ People like you cause too much trouble. + The less of that, the better.
What will happen if I sign this?
You will be removed from Sunside Cove.
@@ -52,8 +52,9 @@ You will join them and not return.
She looks back at the pages.
... Okay...
- The other pages are some half filled-out forms. She is given a pen and + The other pages are some half-filled-out forms. She is given a pen and told to fill in the rest. +

Not much later, she finds herself at trial. As laid out in the paperwork, @@ -64,7 +65,7 @@ Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench. She sits down and waits. The guard leaves and the hallway gets quiet. The only thing she hears is the hum of the flourescent lights. - She waits some more. Time passes. + She waits. And waits some more. Time passes.

The lights go out. Relays click in the hallway. She tries to look @@ -88,7 +89,7 @@ run off to. Now go.
She gets up and does as she is told. The diffuse light reflecting off the floor and the walls lets her barely see her surroundings. Another - gaurd appears in the door at the end of the hallway, holding + guard appears in the door at the end of the hallway, holding a flashlight as well.

diff --git a/qc-the_floor_is_water.html b/qc-the_floor_is_water.html index b087e7b..fe999e3 100644 --- a/qc-the_floor_is_water.html +++ b/qc-the_floor_is_water.html @@ -34,10 +34,16 @@ platform roughly taking up a third of the ravine's width. One side is connected to the rock face, the other side ends in a vertical edge that goes down to the outflow of the power plant. A very rusty railing - begrenzt that side, though it looks like - it might fall apart if you look at it wrong. The entire platform is - flooded by water rushing out of a broken door in the rock face. - It spreads out over the platform, and flows off the edge.
+ lines that side, though it looks like it might fall apart if you look + at it wrong. The entire platform is flooded by water rushing out of a broken + door in the rock face. It spreads out over the platform, and flows off the + edge.
+ Michelle says to Jack: I don't think we'll get in this way.
Got another idea?
@@ -47,17 +53,15 @@ We just need to get past the door, the water inside will be moving a lot slower.
Michelle and Annie decide to stay back, Jack and James approach the door - from the side. The two pick up a large rock and throw - huck? - it right in - front of the door. It starts rolling immediately and, within seconds, - tumbles off the edge.
+ from the side. The two lift a large rock off the ground and – with + considerable effort – toss it right in front of the door. It starts + rolling immediately and, within seconds, tumbles over the edge.
Jack calls out to the girls: Looks like you were right.
Michelle asks: Can you say that again?
He says no, failing to - suppress a smile.
+ suppress a grin.
James notices an access hatch a few meters up on the other side of the door.
Look, up there, that thing seems @@ -67,8 +71,8 @@ The guys back away from the door and make their way over to the railing at the edge of the platform. From there, they try to wade to the other side. James goes ahead, taking a few cautious steps forward before the - current gets too strong. He attempts to hold on to the desolate railing - It breaks instantly, leaving hime with a roughly 20 centimeter long + current gets too strong. He attempts to hold on to the desolate railing. + It breaks instantly, leaving him with a roughly 20 centimeter long piece of rust in his hand. Jack pulls him back from the strongest part of the current.
Welp, I guess that's that. Not gonna @@ -76,7 +80,7 @@ They return to the girls and they all decide to head back up.

- Missing paragraph + Missing section

Jack turns the key and the gate starts to move up, scrathcing and diff --git a/ra--Emily_first_contact.html b/ra--Emily_first_contact.html index 4eceb4a..e9332f9 100644 --- a/ra--Emily_first_contact.html +++ b/ra--Emily_first_contact.html @@ -13,17 +13,16 @@

3 – 5 – 2 – 1 – Enter. The keypad beeps with every button press. A computer voice announces - Access authorized and the door slides - up. She steps through into the main control center. The module contains - one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks arranged - in a Mondsichel shape with the - Wölbung to the left. Most of the seats - are facing that way, allowing a view of the biotope through a huge - panorama window taking up the entire wall. The biotope is an even larger - module with a ceiling of glass and support beams, completely filled with - plant life, trees, small critters, and a big pond. The walls across from - her and to the right hold large status panels with some seven-segment - displays for information and lots of big status indicator symbols. + Access authorized and the door + slides up. She steps through into the main control center. The module + contains one large room with rows of integrated equipment desks arranged + in a crescent, curving to the right. Most of the seats face towards + the center, allowing a view of the biotope through a huge panorama window + to the left that is taking up the entirety of the wall. The biotope is + an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support beams, + completely filled with plant life, trees, small critters, and a big pond. + The remaining walls hold large status panels with seven-segment displays + and lots of big status indicator symbols.

Emily walks down the shallow stairs towards the panorama window. In