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Unlikely Encounter, notes/story: minor language fix and notes for logic fixes

master
BodgeMaster 2023-08-17 17:32:17 +02:00
parent 94cbdf8dfe
commit 654a369607
2 changed files with 7 additions and 2 deletions
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6
01 Unlikely Encounter (Annie intro).md
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@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ That took a while to... type?... Is that the word? The rows of buttons are arran
```
i cant call anyone the phone is only making weird noises
That’s probably because the modem I am connected to is on the same line. I’ll disconnect. I will dial in again in a bit. Talk to you then.
This modem is probably on the same line, I’ll disconnect. I will dial in again in a bit. Talk to you then.
LINE DISCONNECTED -
Tue, 2106-06-01, 19:16
@ -76,6 +76,10 @@ Tue, 2106-06-01, 19:16
AgriWorks Login: █
```
*notes for improvements:*
- *This would be a good place for Annie to ask about what a modem is. Could help to fix the terminal dialog.*
- *Also an opportunity for Karl to get very interested in Jack’s situation.*
Annie picks up the phone again - but who to call? Her coworkers would probably make fun of her or be annoyed. Also, this place, ‘Cryo Facility 53’, she had never heard of it. The only one who might know more about that place is her grandpa, as he had thoroughly studied the plans of the city in his spare time back in the day. So she dials his number...
She is greeted by the friendly voice of an old man.

3
notes/story.md
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@ -30,6 +30,7 @@
* also the idea comes up that they could ask Jack to help them in return for them helping him to get out
* has to end with law enforcement arriving at the bar for an unrelated reason and Kate telling them to gtfo
* \[partial\] Emily intro
* Before this chapter, there needs to be some sort of hint of what is coming (for example, Jack mentions the moon habitat or Annie asks why he was frozen)
* Emily wakes up, Lena is in her room crying
* introduces that ppl die from some disease on the moon
* breakfast
@ -144,4 +145,4 @@
* same chapter should have a dialog about how Lena took care of the mice despite originally not being too fond of them
* Lena dies sitting against a boulder next to the grave of her spouse. Emily sits there with her, periodically exchanging oxygen canisters until she dies. They talk over the radio. Lena tells her that she was ultimately right to use what Tony had left behind but it is too late for her now. After she dies, Emily returns to the base and lies down on the floor in a central room looking out though the ceiling for who knows how long (not eating or drinking for like 6h or so).
* Something should happen that gets her to get up and realize how incredibly hungry she is - possibly an incoming call / terminal beep from Earth
* Emily is alone, preparing for her descent to Earth. As part of the preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biosphere module (they came from there originally).
* Emily is alone, preparing for her descent to Earth. As part of the preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biosphere module (they came from there originally).