02 Unlikely Encounter: Attempt to fix some of the problems that arise from this not being the first chapter anymore
BodgeMaster
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@ -11,7 +11,7 @@
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beep beep
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</p>
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<p>
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That came from the hallway. She steps outside her office to locate the
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That came from the hallway. She steps outside her office to find the
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source of this noise. Everyone else had already gone home and she was
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about to leave as well so this is weird.
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</p>
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@ -32,7 +32,7 @@
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beep beep
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</p>
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<p>
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It sounds clearer, it comes from down there. Annie walks down the
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The sound is clearer, it comes from down there. Annie walks down the
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stairs and turns on the lights. She rarely goes to the basement, usually
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just to add to the piles of archived paperwork on the rows of shelves,
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but she had no idea there was anything other than the archive down here.
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@ -56,34 +56,33 @@
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leather chair in front of it. Next to the chair is a floor lamp that was
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apparently placed there in the absence of a desk lamp. The desk itself is
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a mess, apart from a neatly organized row of books towards the wall,
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holding all sorts of tools and cables. Front and center is a terminal...
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holding all sorts of cables and other things. Front and center is a
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terminal...
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</p>
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<p class="heavy">
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BEEP BEEP
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</p>
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<p>
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... and apparently it is the source of the beep sound. The terminal is
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a device that looks like kind of a weird TV. It has a screen to display
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text, a couple adjustment knobs, and a flat section with rows of buttons
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with letters and symbols on them. The reception desk has one of these
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things; they always use it to order new office supplies and for other
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important-sounding work...
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... and apparently it is the source of the beep sound. She had never
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used one before but taking a quick look can't hurt – and
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besides, this beeping is slowly getting annoying. She walks up to it and
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begins to inspect it... <span class="comment">wording!!</span>
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</p>
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<ul>
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<li class="comment">
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might want an image of a dumb terminal somewhere
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</li>
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<li class="comment">
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might need to drive the point home even harder that the flat part of
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the terminal is a keyboard - Annie may or may not know this
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</li>
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</ul>
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<p class="heavy">
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BEEP BEEP
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</p>
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<p>
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The text on the terminal blinks. She had never used one before but
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taking a quick look can't hurt...
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... ugh. That's kinda loud. The terminal looks like kind of a weird
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TV. It has a screen to display text, a couple adjustment knobs, and a
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flat section with rows of buttons with letters and symbols on them. The
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reception desk has one of these things; they always use it to order new
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office supplies and for other important-sounding work...
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</p>
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<p class="heavy">
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BEEP BEEP
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</p>
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<p>
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The text on-screen flickers.
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</p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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Hello, anyone there?
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@ -124,11 +123,10 @@ Thank you. Appreciate it.
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</pre>
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<p>
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That took a while to... type?... Is that the word? The rows of buttons
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are arranged in a strange order... Annie looks around. A pile of papers,
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an empty cup, some pens and pencils, a screwdriver and other tools, a
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rubber duck - what an odd place to find a rubber duck... A phone! She
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picks it up - no signal. <span class="comment">Signal might be the wrong
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word in an age where everyone has a radio transceiver in their pocket
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are arranged in a strange order... Annie looks around. Lots of cables,
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a pile of paper, an empty cup, some pens and pencils, a screwdriver and
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other tools, a rubber duck - what an odd place to find a rubber duck...
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A phone! She picks it up - no signal. <span class="comment">Freizeichen?
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</span> Weird. Maybe it's disconnected. She looks on the floor and,
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sure enough, there is the plug - not for much longer as she finds a
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phone socket and plugs it in. Strange electrical noises. She tries to
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@ -136,7 +134,6 @@ Thank you. Appreciate it.
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the terminal. She drops the receiver back on the cradle and types into
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the terminal again:
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</p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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i cant call anyone the phone is only making weird noises
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@ -193,17 +190,13 @@ AgriWorks Login: █
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<span class="quote speech">That's a bit of a tricky question...
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These cryogenics facilities are outside the dome.</span>
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</p>
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<p class="comment">
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Missing dialog here:
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</p>
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<ul>
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<li class="comment">
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needs to explain to the reader that the city is inside a large concrete
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dome under a mountain
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needs to imply that the dome is under a mountain / underground
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</li>
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<li class="comment">
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his dad had mentioned it in passing when talking about the old world
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and attempts to overcome the impending doom of humanity
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hint at the fact that the city was built with the
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intention that ppl would return outside when it is safe again
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</li>
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<li class="comment">
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explanation of what "cryogenic sleep" is
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@ -214,9 +207,8 @@ AgriWorks Login: █
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</ul>
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<p>
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Slowly, she sets the receiver back on the cradle. What would she tell
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Jack? What could she do for him? And the outside world was real? A whole
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world, much bigger than the city, that she had never heard anything but
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rumors about? She looks at the terminal but nothing had changed.
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Jack? What could she do for him? And the outside world - people could
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survive there? She looks at the terminal but nothing had changed.
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</p>
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<p>
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Annie ponders over what she had just learned for a moment, then she gets
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@ -251,39 +243,23 @@ Hm. Okay...
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really is nothing she could do about it.
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</p>
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<p class="comment">
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TODO: Fix this
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</p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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is there anything else i could do for you
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Let me think for a moment.
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......
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..............
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...
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......
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</pre>
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<p>
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More dots followed. A lot more. Then this:
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</p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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................................
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Sorry for taking up your time.
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I think I might be able to improvise some tools down here. If I had a
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repair manual for the door, I think, I could get out. Do you think you can
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get your hands on one?
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Yes. I might be able to force the door open if I had a service manual for
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it. Do you think you can get me a copy?
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i dont know where would i find it
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</pre>
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<p class="comment"> service manual </p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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You are in the city under the mountain, right? The dome city?
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</pre>
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<p class="comment">reword this</p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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You are in the city under the mountain, right?
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yes <name of city>
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If memory serves right, there is a library in the city center. They should
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have it. I need the repair manual for a Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker
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have it. I need the service manual for a Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker
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Door.
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yes but how would i get a book to you
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