From 9f65f9c793f8499ab431e92a712ac1c5f19019b1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: BodgeMaster <> Date: Tue, 10 Oct 2023 08:03:29 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] 05 Eventful Evening: language improvements, fix of a critical logic error Originally, I had the idea that any knowledge of the outside world is forbidden knowledge but I have since decided (and written with the assumption) that people generally know of the outside world but regard it as completely uninhabitable. --- 05-Eventful_Evening-secret_organization.html | 7 +++---- 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/05-Eventful_Evening-secret_organization.html b/05-Eventful_Evening-secret_organization.html index 22c34d0..582a8a1 100644 --- a/05-Eventful_Evening-secret_organization.html +++ b/05-Eventful_Evening-secret_organization.html @@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ Annie looks through the window in the door as the train enters the station. The platform is empty except for a shady figure in a hoodie leaning against the wall, observing the train from under his hood. She - looks at the clock on the station: 10:34 PM - a bit late. As soon as he + looks at the clock in the station: 10:34 PM - a bit late. As soon as he notices her, he steps away from the wall and walks up to the train. Is there a more elegant way to say that he stops leaning on the wall? The pressurized air for the doors hisses in @@ -115,7 +115,7 @@ Well, there might be. Some friends of mine say there is.
Annie thinks about it for a moment. Before yesterday, she wasn't - even aware that there was a world outside the dome - and now she might + even aware that life could exist outside the dome - and now she might find out about a way to go there?
Tell me more, she replies.

@@ -139,8 +139,7 @@ feels dense and depleted, and carries the smell of alcohol. Live musicians are playing Idk? Music genre? Need ideas on a small stage area in the corner.
- Hey Kate, I'll take a - some very alcoholic drink? "Braincell Rattler"? Idk + Hey Kate, I'll take a Braincell Rattler and my uhh... friend here looks like she needs a coffee.
Okay. Going to the back room?
Yeah.