From bbb56fc4e51594e4fa2a67015418fee417f8064b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: BodgeMaster <>
Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2023 13:06:56 +0100
Subject: [PATCH] 'va' Alone: minor revision

---
 va-Alone-Lena_death.html | 15 +++++++--------
 1 file changed, 7 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-)

diff --git a/va-Alone-Lena_death.html b/va-Alone-Lena_death.html
index f31ed0e..7cfef2a 100644
--- a/va-Alone-Lena_death.html
+++ b/va-Alone-Lena_death.html
@@ -53,7 +53,7 @@
     Lena dies
   </li>
   <li class="comment">
-    Emily returns inside and goes to the control center
+    Emily returns inside and goes to a room with a view of the sky
     <ul>
       <li class="comment">
         following any procedures such as operating the air lock as
@@ -84,7 +84,7 @@
   Emily takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. She returns
   for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall, and sets
   it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes sure that
-  the air tank is connected properly and the status display reads what it
+  the air bottle is connected properly and the gauges read what they
   should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with the check
   list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks everything
   &ndash; first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied with her
@@ -96,8 +96,8 @@
   The pumps are getting quieter and quieter. Lena kneels on the floor
   holding a bunch of flowers from the biotope module, her life support
   unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and and
-  helps her up. The outer door of the airlock swings aside and they start
-  walking, Lena leaning on Emily.
+  helps her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and
+  they start walking, Lena leaning on Emily.
 </p>
 <p>
   They reach the graveyard and walk over to the recent graves. The entire
@@ -105,7 +105,7 @@
   buried. Some have signs with names, some have painted pieces of regalith
   as gravestones, some have <span class="comment">&lt;the crumpled remains
   of&gt;? What happens to flowers when exposed to vacuum for a prolonged
-  amount of time?</span> flowers next to them, some are entirely
+  amount of time?</span> flowers next to them, a few are entirely
   undecorated.
 </p>
 <p>
@@ -140,14 +140,13 @@
     Emily starting to reconsider her choice not to leave the moon
   </lI>
   <li class="comment">
-    brief mention that the conversation changes to a more pleasant topic
-    and continues for a while
+    The conversation topic changes to Earth in general
   </li>
 </ul>
 <p>
   The conversation is interrupted by the beeping of Lena&apos;s low oxygen
   alarm going off. Emily gets up and walks back to the habitat. She enters
-  through the airlock and looks for a full oxygen bottle. She lifts one
+  through the airlock and looks for a full air bottle. She lifts one
   out of its rack and carries it back to Lena. She opens the life support
   unit and closes the valves on it and the empty bottle, then she replaces
   it and opens the valves again. Just as she is done with that, her own