01 Wake Up: More revision

01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html

@@ -14,12 +14,12 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   Waiting for the painkillers to kick in, Jack stays in his preservation
-  chamber until he is fully awake. As he stands there, he looks out of the
+  chamber until he is fully awake. As he stands there, looking out of the
-  small window in the door. The bunker looks different from yesterday -
+  small window in the door, he notices something off. The bunker looks
-  not yesterday! That was how ever many years ago... Besides the point.
+  different from yesterday - not yesterday! That was years ago, probably
-  It looks different. Not just <span class="quote non-speech">things have
+  decades... Besides the point. It looks different. Not just
-  moved around</span> different, it has the vibe of a lost place.
+  <span class="quote non-speech">things have moved around</span> different,
-  Unexpected but whatever...
+  it has the vibe of a full-on lost place. Unexpected but whatever...
 </p>
 <p>
   The pressurized air hisses in the lines as the door of the preservation
@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@
   across the room, are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal have
   rust. The red night lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating the rest
   of the bunker. He looks to the left: The wall is lined with other
-  preservation chambers, all except one of them being powered down.
+  preservation chambers, all but one of them being powered down.
   In the corner is a minicomputer in a half-height rack and next to it a
   teleprinter. Along the rear wall are desks holding a radio, a terminal,
   and some boxes &ndash; and above them a phone on the wall &ndash; nothing
@@ -59,7 +59,7 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Hello Michelle.</span><br />
   He checks the status lights of her chamber.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I think I&apos;m gonna leave you in there
-  until I find a way out of here. Should be fine...</span><br />
+  until I find a way out of here &mdash; should be fine...</span><br />
   He continues past the remaining empty chambers to the back of the bunker.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
@@ -74,9 +74,9 @@
   Jack returns to the desk with the terminal. He flips the switch on the
   desk lamp. It flickers for a moment and turns off again. He leans over
   the terminal and pushes the power switch &ndash; Bonk! At least this
-  seems to work. While waiting for the tube to warm up, he walks over to
+  seems to work. While waiting for the picture tube to warm up, he walks
-  the rack and sits down on the floor in front of it. He inspects the
+  over to the rack and sits down on the floor in front of it. He inspects
-  status lights on the various devices thinking aloud:
+  the status lights on the various devices thinking aloud:
   <span class="quote speech">CPU is idle, serials are idle, cryogenics
   control unit sees one active chamber, primary hard drive is powered up
   &ndash; all good. Secondary hard drive is powered down, let&apos;s
@@ -101,6 +101,9 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Welp, that&apos;s that.</span> He puts it
   back on the wall.
 </p>
+<p class="comment">
+  TODO: tie this together
+</p>
 <pre class="terminal">
 Tue, 2106-06-01, 18:01
 
@@ -113,7 +116,6 @@ $ &#9608;
 </pre>
 <p>
   <span class="quote thought">Over a hundred years, hm...</span><br />
-  He types a few commands.
 </p>
 
 <p class="comment">