From d33cc402442b4b3d6860878e01e4eca7811f067a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: BodgeMaster <> Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2025 20:57:03 +0100 Subject: [PATCH] 'ja' Erosion: revision, fill in a gap --- ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html | 104 ++++++++++++++++++++------------ 1 file changed, 66 insertions(+), 38 deletions(-) diff --git a/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html b/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html index 56dc098..19e7bee 100644 --- a/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html +++ b/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html @@ -14,53 +14,60 @@ She raises her head and Jack hands her a glass. After taking a couple sips, she sets it down, unsure whether it helps or makes it worse, and rests her head again.
- Just let me sit here for a while. + Just let me sit here for a while.
+ He sits down next to her, about half a meter away.

A few minutes later, she lifts up her head again:
- What year is it? ... and what's our + What year is it? ... and what's the mission?
Twenty-one-oh-six. There is no explicit mission, uplink's dead.
You're kidding.
Nope.
How'd you get woken up then?
- Technical failure. My preservation chamber + Technical failure. The preservation chamber died.
You survived that?
- That was the least of my challenges. -
- He chuckles and briefly tells her how he found himself trapped inside, - that one of the computer's hard drives is broken, and how he turned - to the dome city for help. + He chuckles. That was the least of my + challenges. + He briefly tells her how he found himself trapped inside and that he + turned to the dome city for help.

Michelle's dizziness starts to go away and the burning sensation in her body begins to fade. She slowly gets up, takes a few cautious steps forward to the table, and leans on it.
So? What now? Any plans?
- I guess, for now, taking a look at the uplink. - I wanna see if we can fix it.
- Michelle thinks for a moment.
+ Jack gets up as well and picks up the glass.
+ I guess, for now, taking a look at the + uplink. I wanna see if we can get it going again.
+ He sets the glass on the table.
+ Thanks.
+ She thinks for a moment.
+ Assuming we can fix it... Then what? +
+ Honestly, I don't know. Maybe they have + something to do for us, maybe they don't. I'm just curious + about the state of things up there.
Sounds good – but I don't feel quite ready for a hike like that.
Take your time, you just woke up.
- She pulls back one of the chairs and sits down. Jack picks up her glass - and sets it down on the table.
- Thanks.
- She takes another sip.
- The people who helped you, do you think - they'd help us with the uplink too?
- Don't know, but they can't. - They're stuck inside the dome city and need our help.
+ She pulls back one of the chairs, sits down, and takes another sip.
+ If we can't fix it... The people who + helped you, do you think they'd help us with the uplink too? +
+ Don't know if they would, but they + can't. They're stuck inside the dome city and want our + help.
How? Even if the tunnels have collapsed, - I can think of quite a few other ways to break out.
+ I can think of a few other ways to break out.
From what I know, they aren't physically trapped inside, the people in charge just don't want anyone to leave.
- Jack sits down as well and retells everything that happened in detail, - starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. It takes him about - an hour, including answering Michelles questions. + Jack sits down across from her and retells everything that had happened + in detail, starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. + It takes him about half an hour, including answering Michelles questions.

How have you been dealing with food? @@ -73,7 +80,7 @@ potatoes. Want some?
Now that you ask, I'm slowly getting hungry. Did you make your usual spicy dip?
- Yup.
+ Yup — well...
He gets up and walks over to the kitchen area, grabs a small bowl filled with a dark red-ish paste, and sets it on the table.
I had to improvise a little because of @@ -88,10 +95,15 @@ and puts it back in the oven to re-heat them.

- After the meal, they step outside and Michelle gets her first look - around.
+ After the meal, they go to the bunker entrance and Jack opens the door + by touching a thick cable to one of the lugs on the motor. Sparks fly + and the door moves up into the ceiling. Michelle gets her first look + outside. The sky is a clear blue and the sun hits the other side of + the valley.
Oddly familiar, and yet so different.
+ She hesitates for a moment before stepping onto the cracked pavement + in front of the bunker.
the scene where Jack opens the door should have a short description of the lay of the lands
The two decide to walk up to a crest? ridge? @@ -100,25 +112,41 @@ who? whom? which? remains to behold its overgrown ruins.
+ Jack is from Sentinel Shores.
Michelle says: I mean I knew it already but seeing it like this just hits differently.
+ They sit down on a large rock in the shade of a small, lone tree and + take in the view. Michelle takes some time to fully process her new + reality.

- ToDo: tie this back together
- Following what remains of an old path, the two start making their way up - the mountain above the bunker. The path is narrow and winded, overgrown, - and has partially disappeared. Jack walks ahead, only half following it, - half making it up as he goes. Michelle struggles to follow, slowly - falling behind. After a while, he stops abruptly, looking down at + After a long while, she says: Okay, + let's go take a look at that uplink.
+ The two get up and walk back towards the bunker, looking for a path + somewhere to the left of it.
+ Jack points to a structure a decent bit up the mountain and says: + I think that's it.
+ Oh wow, there isn't much left. +
+ Jack points at a few other things below it.
+ I think these are also part of it. +

+

+ They make their way over and, following what remains of the path, the two + start making their way up. The path is narrow and winded, and overgrown + where it hasn't disappeared entirely. Jack walks ahead, only half + following it, half making it up as he goes. Michelle struggles to follow, + slowly falling behind. After a while, he stops abruptly, looking down at something, then up, then down again. Then, he turns to Michelle who is - just catching up and says: + just catching up and says:
Well, that could be a reason why - the uplink is down – it literally is down.... + the uplink is down – it literally ...is down... +
Michelle reaches the edge and and sees what Jack had stopped for: - A large ravine? wash? extends towards the - top of the mountain where a landslide had left nothing but a cliff and - a huge pile of rubble. At the top of the mountain, teetering on the - edge, are two buildings – all that's left of the ground + A large ravine? wash? extends downwards + from the top of the mountain where a landslide had left nothing but + a cliff and a huge pile of rubble. At the top of the mountain, teetering + on the edge, are two buildings – all that's left of the ground station. The rest of the buildings and the dish lay strewn around in pieces down below.