01 Wake Up: revision

- make things more logical
- add detail
- wording

01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html

@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@
   An automated voice comes on: <span class="quote speech">Emergency
   defrost complete. Entering low power mode.</span><br />
   He thinks: <span class="quote non-speech">Get it together, Jack!
-  You knew this was gonna happen. You have trained for this. Where are the
+  You knew this could happen. You have trained for this. Where are the
   meds again? ...</span>
 </p>
 <p>
@@ -27,17 +27,19 @@
   air, and looks around. The light shining out of his chamber reveals a
   dirty floor. The table and chairs in front of him as well as the kitchen
   area across the room are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal
-  have rust. The red night lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating
+  have rust. The paint is starting to flake off of the walls. Red night
-  the rest of the bunker. He looks to the left: The wall is lined with
+  lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating the rest of the bunker.
-  other preservation chambers, all but one of them being powered down.
+  He looks to the left: The wall is lined with other preservation chambers,
-  In the corner is the minicomputer controlling the bunker, a half-height
+  all but one of them being powered down. In the corner is the minicomputer
-  rack filled to the brim with devices, and next to it a teleprinter, a
+  controlling the bunker, a half-height rack filled to the brim with
-  computer-controlled typewriter. Along the rear wall are desks holding a
+  devices, and next to it a teleprinter, a computer-controlled typewriter.
-  radio and a terminal, a device with a keyboard and a screen, and above
+  Along the rear wall are desks holding a radio and a terminal, a device
-  them a phone on the wall &ndash; nothing out of the ordinary here.
+  comprised of a keyboard and monitor, and on the wall above them is a
-  He looks to the right: More preservation chambers. Instead of a wall,
+  phone; nothing out of the ordinary here &ndash; apart from a few paint
-  there&apos;s the bunker door &ndash; door is a bit of an understatement,
+  crumbs sprinkled on everything. He looks to the right: More preservation
-  it&apos;s a massive gate. A small slither of light passes under it.
+  chambers. Instead of a wall, there&apos;s the bunker door &ndash; door
+  is a bit of an understatement, it&apos;s a massive gate. A small slither
+  of light passes under it.
   <span class="quote speech">These fucking idiots... They didn&apos;t
   reseal it properly.</span>
 </p>
@@ -91,14 +93,13 @@
   out of the niche in the wall, pulling cables out of the box under it.
   He grabs the fork by the handle and bends the <span class="comment">
   middle? inner?</span> prongs out of the way to bridge the control
-  panel&apos;s switches using the outer prongs. Nothing happens.
+  panel&apos;s switches using the outer ones. Nothing happens.
   <span class="quote speech">Of course it wasn't gonna be that easy.</span>
-  He starts to dig into the wires, attempting to find the fault, but
+  He starts to dig into the wires, attempting to find what&apos;s wrong,
-  realizes after a moment that the wiring is more complex than expected
+  but realizes after a moment that the wiring is more complex than expected
   and he has no idea what he&apos;s doing.
-  <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s get the manual for this
+  <span class="quote speech">Guess I need the manual for this
-  thing...</span> <span class="comment">He probably wouldn&apos;t say it
+  thing...</span>
-  like that while talking to himself.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Jack walks over to the desk with the terminal and flips the switch on the
@@ -110,14 +111,14 @@
   aloud: <span class="quote speech">CPU is idle, serials are idle,
   one active cryogenic chamber, primary hard drive is spinning &ndash;
   all good. Secondary hard drive is powered down, let&apos;s change
-  that...</span> He pushes the power button and hears the fans kick in.
+  that...</span> He pushes the power button and hears the fans blow air
-  The spin-up button starts blinking. He waits for a moment to let the
+  through the drive. The spin-up button starts blinking. He waits for a
-  fans blow away any dust that may have settled inside the drive, then he
+  moment to let the fans blow away any dust that may have settled inside
-  pushes it. The spindle motor kicks on. There is some intermittent
+  the drive, then he pushes the button. The spindle motor kicks on. There
-  rattling from the drive, probably a shot bearing. He hears the platters
+  is some intermittent rattling from the drive, probably a shot bearing.
-  inside accelerate unusually slowly. Impatiently sitting there, Jack waits
+  He hears the platters inside accelerate unusually slowly. Impatiently
-  for the drive to be ready. Clicking from the mechanism unlocking the
+  sitting there, Jack waits for the drive to be ready. Clicking from the
-  heads followed by a ringing scratching noise.
+  mechanism unlocking the heads followed by a ringing scratching noise.
   <span class="quote speech">Of course...</span> He quickly presses the
   power button again. The scratching stops and the spindle motor turns off,
   the spindle still rattling occasionally as the platters spin down.
@@ -125,17 +126,9 @@
   No manuals for me, I guess...</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  He gets up and walks over to the phone. Maybe, the lines to
+  He gets up and returns to the terminal. Maybe, there is a backup copy or
-  &lt;dome city&gt; still work. Not exactly excited by the prospect of
+  anything useful on the primary hard drive. He sits down in front of it
-  calling random people, but not seeing another option, he reaches for
+  and logs on.
-  the receiver. It lifts off the wall with a quiet click and Jack begins
-  to dial. He holds the receiver to his ear - silence.
-  <span class="quote speech">Welp, that&apos;s that.</span> He puts it
-  back on the wall.
-</p>
-<p>
-  In an attempt to find anything useful, he sits down at the terminal and
-  logs on.
 </p>
 <pre class="terminal">
 Tue, 2106-06-01, 18:01
@@ -148,9 +141,19 @@ Welcome to INUX!
 $ &#9608;
 </pre>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">So it&apos;s been over a hundred years,
+  <span class="quote speech">So it&apos;s been over a hundred years.
-  hm...</span> He starts going through the files, hoping he misremembered
+  Hm...</span><br />
-  where the manuals were stored, but to no avail, they are gone.
+  He goes through the files but to no avail, no backup turns up. Nothing
+  useful either. He does, however, find a note from 2030 saying that the
+  inhabitants of &lt;dome city&gt; have proven to be unhelpful when asked
+  for assistance. Too bad they are the ones that have a backup of the
+  secondary hard drive &ndash; assuming there is anyone still living there.
+</p>
+<p>
+  He gets up and reaches for the phone. It lifts off the cradle with a
+  quiet click. Jack holds it to his ear and starts dialing but realizes
+  quickly that there is no <span class="comment">Freizeichen?</span>.
+  <span class="quote speech">Welp, that&apos;s that.</span>
 </p>
 
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