01-Wake_Up-Jack_intro.html

@@ -2,18 +2,18 @@
 
 <h1> Wake Up! </h1>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Awh fuck!</span> Jack exclaims in pain as he
+  <span class="quote speech">Ahh fuck!</span> Jack exclaims in pain as he
   wakes up. He has a terrible headache. While moving his hands up to hold
-  his head, he realizes that his entire body hurts.
-  <span class="quote speech">Owowowww... Ouch!</span><br />
-  An automated voice announces: <span class="quote speech">Emergency
-  defrost complete. Entering low power mode.</span><br />
-  Jack thinks: <span class="quote non-speech">Get it together, Jack!
+  his head, he realizes that his entire body hurts.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Owwowwowwowwoww... Ouch!</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Emergency defrost complete. Entering low power
+  mode.</span> announces an automated voice. <br />
+  He thinks: <span class="quote non-speech">Get it together, Jack!
   You knew this was gonna happen. You have trained for this. Where are the
   meds again? ...</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  Waiting for the painkillers to kick in, he stays in his preservation
+  Waiting for the painkillers to kick in, Jack stays in his preservation
   chamber until he is fully awake. As he stands there, looking out of the
   small window in the door, he notices something off. The bunker looks
   different from yesterday - not yesterday! That was years ago, probably
@@ -24,31 +24,30 @@
 <p>
   The pressurized air hisses in the lines as the door of the preservation
   chamber swings aside. Jack steps out into the bunker, breathes the musty
-  air, and looks around. The light shining out of his chamber reveals a
-  dirty floor. The table and chairs in front of him as well as the kitchen
-  across the room are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal have
+  air, and looks around. The light shining out of his chamber reveals the
+  dirty floor. The table and chairs in front of him, as well as the kitchen
+  across the room, are covered in dust and all exposed bits of metal have
   rust. The red night lights on the ceiling are dimly illuminating the rest
   of the bunker. He looks to the left: The wall is lined with other
   preservation chambers, all but one of them being powered down.
-  In the corner is the minicomputer controlling the bunker, a half-height
-  rack filled to the brim with devices, and next to it a teleprinter, a
-  computer-controlled typewriter. Along the rear wall are desks holding a
-  radio and a terminal, a device with a keyboard and a screen, and above
-  them a phone on the wall &ndash; nothing out of the ordinary here.
-  He looks to the right: More preservation chambers. Instead of a wall,
-  there&apos;s the bunker door &ndash; door is a bit of an understatement,
-  it&apos;s a massive gate. A small slither of light passes under it.
-  <span class="quote speech">These fucking idiots... They didn&apos;t
-  reseal it properly.</span>
+  In the corner is a minicomputer in a half-height rack and next to it a
+  teleprinter. Along the rear wall are desks holding a radio, a terminal,
+  and some boxes &ndash; and above them a phone on the wall &ndash; nothing
+  out of the ordinary here. He looks to the right: More preservation
+  chambers. Instead of a wall, there&apos;s the bunker door &ndash; door is
+  a bit of an understatement, it&apos;s a massive gate. A small slither of
+  light passes under it. <span class="quote speech">These fucking idiots...
+  They didn&apos;t reseal it properly.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   He walks over to the door&apos;s control panel. The paint is flaking off
   revealing the rust underneath. Jack attempts to press a couple buttons
-  but they get stuck and nothing happens. A couple expletives and banging
-  on the panel later, he turns back to the inside of the bunker looking
-  for tools, contemplating the tradeoff between waking up a couple years
-  too soon and getting slowly poisoned by the air, and being locked inside
-  a bunker due to a bunch of apparent troglodytes unable to close a door
+  but they get stuck and nothing happens.
+  <span class="quote speech">Fuck.</span>
+  He turns back to the inside of the bunker looking for tools,
+  contemplating the tradeoff between waking up a couple years too soon and
+  getting slowly poisoned by the air, and being locked inside a bunker due
+  to a bunch of apparent troglodytes who are unable to close a door
   properly... Doesn&apos;t matter, too late now.
 </p>
 <p>
@@ -64,8 +63,7 @@
   He continues past the remaining empty chambers to the back of the bunker.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  Jack notices the toolbox is missing.
-  Jack opens the drawers on the desks looking for tools. He also rummages
+  Jack opens the boxes on the desks looking for tools. He also rummages
   through the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen area.
   After finding some object that he could use as a screwdriver, he returns
   to the door, taking off the control panel. He realizes that he has no
@@ -74,25 +72,25 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   Jack returns to the desk with the terminal. He flips the switch on the
-  desk lamp. The lamp flickers for a moment and turns off again. He flips
-  the switch back and leans over the terminal to turn it on &ndash;
-  Bonk! At least this seems to work. While waiting for the picture tube to
-  warm up, he walks over to the rack and sits down on the floor in front
-  of it. He inspects the status lights on the various devices, thinking
-  aloud: <span class="quote speech">CPU is idle, serials are idle,
-  cryogenics control unit sees one active chamber, primary hard drive is
-  powered up &ndash; all good. Secondary hard drive is powered down,
-  let&apos;s change that...</span> He pushes the power button and hears
-  the spindle motor kick on. The power button blinks. There is some
-  intermittent rattling from the drive, probably a shot bearing.
-  He hears the platters inside accelerate for an unusually long time.
-  Impatiently sitting there, Jack waits for the drive to be ready.
-  Clicking from the mechanism unlocking the heads followed by a ringing
-  scratching noise. <span class="quote speech">Of course.</span> He
-  quickly presses the power button again. The scratching stops and the
+  desk lamp. It flickers for a moment and turns off again. He leans over
+  the terminal and pushes the power switch &ndash; Bonk! At least this
+  seems to work. While waiting for the picture tube to warm up, he walks
+  over to the rack and sits down on the floor in front of it. He inspects
+  the status lights on the various devices thinking aloud:
+  <span class="quote speech">CPU is idle, serials are idle, cryogenics
+  control unit sees one active chamber, primary hard drive is powered up
+  &ndash; all good. Secondary hard drive is powered down, let&apos;s
+  change that...</span>
+  He pushes the power button and hears the spindle spinning up. The power
+  button blinks. There is some intermittent rattling from the drive,
+  probably a shot bearing. He hears the platters inside accelerate for an
+  unusually long time. Impatiently sitting there, Jack waits for the drive
+  to be ready. Clicking from the mechanism unlocking the heads followed by
+  a ringing scratching noise. <span class="quote speech">Of course.</span>
+  He quickly presses the power button again. The scratching stops and the
   spindle motor turns off, followed by the platters slowly decelerating.
-  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s gonna be an ugly head crash.
-  No manuals for me, I guess...</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s gonna be an ugly head
+  crash.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   He gets up and walks over to the phone. Maybe, the lines to
@@ -103,9 +101,8 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Welp, that&apos;s that.</span> He puts it
   back on the wall.
 </p>
-<p>
-  In an attempt to find anything useful, he sits down at the terminal and
-  logs on.
+<p class="comment">
+  TODO: tie this together
 </p>
 <pre class="terminal">
 Tue, 2106-06-01, 18:01
@@ -118,9 +115,41 @@ Welcome to INUX!
 $ &#9608;
 </pre>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">So it&apos;s been over a hundred years,
-  hm...</span> He starts going through the files, hoping he misremembered
-  where the manuals were stored, but to no avail, they are gone.
+  <span class="quote thought">Over a hundred years, hm...</span><br />
 </p>
 
+<p class="comment">
+  Outline of missing section(s):
+</p>
+<ul>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Jack checks on the food and clothes and that the kitchen and bathroom
+    are in working order and that he really has no tools and manuals
+    <ul>
+      <li class="comment">
+        he could find things that he could turn into tools but that ofc
+        doesn&apos;t solve his problem if he doesn&apos;t have a manual
+        for fixing the door
+      </li>
+    </ul>
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Jack tries to dial into a bunch of known modems, finally succeeding
+    when reaching AgriWorks
+    <ul>
+      <li class="comment">
+        &quot;They changed the host name... I wonder if this is still the
+        same computer. Lemme try my login... Yup, it is.&quot;
+      </li>
+      <li class="comment">
+        Neotek Dynamics, and more specifically Jack himself, was somehow
+        involved in setting that up
+      </li>
+    </ul>
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Annie conversation setup (duh)
+  </li>
+</ul>
+
 <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans = ["<span class=\"paper green\">", "<span>"]; let pre_texts = document.getElementsByTagName("pre"); for (let i = 0; i < pre_texts.length; i++) {if (pre_texts[i].className != "paper") continue; let lines = pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n"); let result = ""; for (let j = 0; j < lines.length; j++) {result = result + spans[j%2] + lines[j] + " ".repeat(80-lines[j].length) + "</span>\n";} pre_texts[i].innerHTML = result;}</script></body></html>

02-Unlikely_Encounter-Annie-intro.html

@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@
   beep beep
 </p>
 <p>
-  That came from the hallway. She steps outside her office to find the
+  That came from the hallway. She steps outside her office to locate the
   source of this noise. Everyone else had already gone home and she was
   about to leave as well so this is weird.
 </p>
@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@
   beep beep
 </p>
 <p>
-  The sound is clearer, it comes from down there. Annie walks down the
+  It sounds clearer, it comes from down there. Annie walks down the
   stairs and turns on the lights. She rarely goes to the basement, usually
   just to add to the piles of archived paperwork on the rows of shelves,
   but she had no idea there was anything other than the archive down here.
@@ -56,33 +56,34 @@
   leather chair in front of it. Next to the chair is a floor lamp that was
   apparently placed there in the absence of a desk lamp. The desk itself is
   a mess, apart from a neatly organized row of books towards the wall,
-  holding all sorts of cables and other things. Front and center is a
-  terminal...
+  holding all sorts of tools and cables. Front and center is a terminal...
 </p>
 <p class="heavy">
   BEEP BEEP
 </p>
 <p>
-  ... and apparently it is the source of the beep sound. She had never
-  used one before but taking a quick look can&apos;t hurt &ndash; and
-  besides, this beeping is slowly getting annoying. She walks up to it and
-  begins to inspect it... <span class="comment">wording!!</span>
+  ... and apparently it is the source of the beep sound. The terminal is
+  a device that looks like kind of a weird TV. It has a screen to display
+  text, a couple adjustment knobs, and a flat section with rows of buttons
+  with letters and symbols on them. The reception desk has one of these
+  things; they always use it to order new office supplies and for other
+  important-sounding work...
 </p>
+<ul>
+  <li class="comment">
+    might want an image of a dumb terminal somewhere
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    might need to drive the point home even harder that the flat part of
+    the terminal is a keyboard - Annie may or may not know this
+  </li>
+</ul>
 <p class="heavy">
   BEEP BEEP
 </p>
 <p>
-  ... ugh. That&apos;s kinda loud. The terminal looks like kind of a weird
-  TV. It has a screen to display text, a couple adjustment knobs, and a
-  flat section with rows of buttons with letters and symbols on them. The
-  reception desk has one of these things; they always use it to order new
-  office supplies and for other important-sounding work...
-</p>
-<p class="heavy">
-  BEEP BEEP
-</p>
-<p>
-  The text on-screen flickers.
+  The text on the terminal blinks. She had never used one before but
+  taking a quick look can&apos;t hurt...
 </p>
 <pre class="terminal">
 Hello, anyone there?
@@ -123,10 +124,11 @@ Thank you. Appreciate it.
 </pre>
 <p>
   That took a while to... type?... Is that the word? The rows of buttons
-  are arranged in a strange order... Annie looks around. Lots of cables,
-  a pile of paper, an empty cup, some pens and pencils, a screwdriver and
-  other tools, a rubber duck - what an odd place to find a rubber duck...
-  A phone! She picks it up - no signal. <span class="comment">Freizeichen?
+  are arranged in a strange order... Annie looks around. A pile of papers,
+  an empty cup, some pens and pencils, a screwdriver and other tools, a
+  rubber duck - what an odd place to find a rubber duck... A phone! She
+  picks it up - no signal. <span class="comment">Signal might be the wrong
+  word in an age where everyone has a radio transceiver in their pocket
   </span> Weird. Maybe it&apos;s disconnected. She looks on the floor and,
   sure enough, there is the plug - not for much longer as she finds a
   phone socket and plugs it in. Strange electrical noises. She tries to
@@ -134,6 +136,7 @@ Thank you. Appreciate it.
   the terminal. She drops the receiver back on the cradle and types into
   the terminal again:
 </p>
+
 <pre class="terminal">
 i cant call anyone the phone is only making weird noises
 
@@ -190,13 +193,17 @@ AgriWorks Login: &#9608;
   <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s a bit of a tricky question...
   These cryogenics facilities are outside the dome.</span>
 </p>
+<p class="comment">
+  Missing dialog here:
+</p>
 <ul>
   <li class="comment">
-   needs to imply that the dome is under a mountain / underground
+   needs to explain to the reader that the city is inside a large concrete
+   dome under a mountain
   </li>
   <li class="comment">
-    hint at the fact that the city was built with the
-    intention that ppl would return outside when it is safe again
+    his dad had mentioned it in passing when talking about the old world
+    and attempts to overcome the impending doom of humanity
   </li>
   <li class="comment">
     explanation of what &quot;cryogenic sleep&quot; is
@@ -207,8 +214,9 @@ AgriWorks Login: &#9608;
 </ul>
 <p>
   Slowly, she sets the receiver back on the cradle. What would she tell
-  Jack? What could she do for him? And the outside world - people could
-  survive there? She looks at the terminal but nothing had changed.
+  Jack? What could she do for him? And the outside world was real? A whole
+  world, much bigger than the city, that she had never heard anything but
+  rumors about? She looks at the terminal but nothing had changed.
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie ponders over what she had just learned for a moment, then she gets
@@ -243,23 +251,39 @@ Hm. Okay...
   really is nothing she could do about it.
 </p>
 
-<p class="comment">
-  TODO: Fix this
-</p>
 <pre class="terminal">
 is there anything else i could do for you
 
-Yes. I might be able to force the door open if I had a service manual for
-it. Do you think you can get me a copy?
+Let me think for a moment.
+......
+..............
+...
+......
+</pre>
+
+<p>
+  More dots followed. A lot more. Then this:
+</p>
+
+<pre class="terminal">
+................................
+Sorry for taking up your time.
+I think I might be able to improvise some tools down here. If I had a
+repair manual for the door, I think, I could get out. Do you think you can
+get your hands on one?
 
 i dont know  where would i find it
-
-You are in the city under the mountain, right?
-
+</pre>
+<p class="comment"> service manual </p>
+<pre class="terminal">
+You are in the city under the mountain, right? The dome city?
+</pre>
+<p class="comment">reword this</p>
+<pre class="terminal">
 yes &lt;name of city&gt;
 
 If memory serves right, there is a library in the city center. They should
-have it. I need the service manual for a Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker
+have it. I need the repair manual for a Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker
 Door.
 
 yes   but how would i get a book to you

03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html

@@ -1,6 +1,47 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> A Simple Errand </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
 
 <h1> A Simple Errand</h1>
+<p class="comment">
+  If you are here for reading, skip past the outline.
+</p>
+<ul>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Next day, Annie only has to be at work in the afternoon so she goes to
+    the library.
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Arrival at the library
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Ask for the manual
+    <ul>
+      <li class="comment">
+        it&apos;s recently been classified due to a bunch of ppl trying to
+        leave the dome
+      </li>
+      <li class="comment">
+        Librarian behind the counter says something like &quot;I have to
+        write down your details, let me get the list rq&quot; while
+        scribbling a note on her library card, then he winks at her and
+        nods to the door
+      </li>
+    </ul>
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Annie leaves
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Outside, she hears the Librarian say &quot;Dorothy, she took her
+    library card and ran, what do I do?&quot;
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    Annie hurries back to the station and gets on the next train
+  </li>
+  <li class="comment">
+    she reads the note on her library card: Meet at xyz metro station,
+    10:30 PM
+  </li>
+</ul>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Next stop: Central Square</span><br />
   Annie looks up. That&apos;s the station she has to get off at. She only
@@ -21,12 +62,11 @@
   Annie walks down the stairs and steps onto the square. It is brightly
   illuminated by a large glowing sphere made of yellow and brown glass
   tiles, suspended on steel cables that hang from four office complexes
-  towering over the rest of the buildings. <span class="comment">Add a more
-  detailed description of the general area.</span> To the right is the
-  library, a large building with a facade of sandstone blocks. The front
-  features large pillars and a staircase spanning the entire width of the
-  building giving it the look of an ancient temple. The wall behind the
-  pillars has multiple rows of windows.
+  towering over the rest of the buildings. To the right is the library,
+  a large building with a facade of sandstone blocks. The front features
+  large pillars and a staircase spanning the entire width of the building
+  giving it the look of an ancient temple. The wall behind the pillars has
+  multiple rows of windows.
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie makes her way up the stairs and enters through the large wooden
@@ -46,8 +86,8 @@
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m afraid, that it has recently been
   classified. There is a note about terrorism in here.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">So there is no way to get it?</span><br />
-  He musters her for a second, then he takes the card, quickly scribbles
-  something on it, and puts it back. <br />
+  He musters her for a second, then he takes the card and scribbles
+  something on it before putting it back. <br />
   <span class="quote speech">I can check you against a list of people with
   security clearance. One moment, I&apos;ll get it.</span><br />
   He gestures towards the exit. Then, he turns around and walks towards a

04-Return_Null.html

@@ -23,14 +23,6 @@
       </li>
       <li class="comment">
         the outside world (what happened, assumptions about what is)
-        <ul>
-          <li class="comment">
-            what happened: They came up with an alternative to asbestos.
-            Turns out that a precursor to the new material is even more
-            dangerous. A massive industrial accident happens.
-            At least, the material breaks down over time.
-          </li>
-        </ul>
       </li>
     </ul>
   </li>

html_resources/index_template.html

@@ -19,7 +19,6 @@
   There is also a <a href="./notes/">collection of notes</a> that, while not
   particularly well-maintained, might be interesting (in case you missed
   the link: <a href="./notes/">here</a>).
-</p>
 <p>
   Table of Contents:
 </p>

notes/products_and_brands.txt

@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ apocalypse happened or during the time underground. They could show up in
 advertisments or recounts of the situation - or even day-to-day use.
 
 - Algae Coffee 
-  - Slogan: So good it almost tastes natural
+  - Slogan: So good it tastes almost natural
   - Actually works as a coffee replacement
 - DIY Shelter 
   - would have supplied things like 
@@ -11,11 +11,7 @@ advertisments or recounts of the situation - or even day-to-day use.
     - pressurized air tanks, compressors, chemical air filters, etc
     - hazmat suits
 - Neotek Dynamics' products 
-  - all sorts of bunker equipment and services including the following
-    - bunker doors
-    - security systems
+  - bunker doors and security systems
   - cryogenic preservation chambers
-    - large scale air conditioning and treatment systems
-    - water and waste treatment systems
 - DIY snowman
   - Just add snow and a carrot

notes/setting.txt

@@ -6,17 +6,30 @@ to reflect the current setting when I have real information to fill in.
   - relatively slow, gradual downfall of civilization - not a fast
     wipe out event 
     - ppl had time to prepare
-  - humanity discovers a new, safe alternative to asbestos in the 1970s
-    - problem with it: one of the precursor chemicals is way worse than
-      asbestos itself but its fibers decay within a couple years
-    - an industrial accident in the late 80s causes an ongoing unstoppable
-      reaction producing this material
-    - attempts to contain it fail and the atmosphere gets contaminated
-    - the reaction continues producing the material for at least a decade,
-      possibly even into the early 2000s
-    - most places are completely unsafe to inhabit by 1995
-    - Earth's surface is uninhabitable for decades to come due to the sheer
-      amount of fibers that got released into the atmosphere
+  - humanity discovers a new way to generate nuclear power some time in
+    the 80s 
+    - upsides: 
+      - moar powar
+      - less waste
+      - comparatively straight-forward to get going
+    - downsides: 
+      - absolutely needs to be maintained well
+      - horrible accidents 
+        - huge explosions
+        - scatter toxic globs of radioactive chemical sludge 
+          - areas where this stuff lands turn into wasteland for centuries
+            or millennia
+        - release some toxic gas that decays slowly over time
+    - power plants of this kind are built everywhere
+  - as accidents happen, ppl cry for alternatives but nobody does anything
+    about it bc it's not economically viable
+  - a bunch of wars happen and a few of the power plants blow up 
+    - conventional wars, no MAD scenario
+  - areas are abandoned causing civil wars in other locations due to
+    refugee crisis
+  - in the chaos, more power plants blow up making it difficult to survive
+    at the surface due to contaminated atmosphere 
+    - the rest of civilization has to wind down and disappears
 - story takes place roughly 110 years after the apocalypse 
   - story starts on Tue, 2106-06-01
   - just enough time for no living memory of the "old world" to survive
@@ -24,6 +37,7 @@ to reflect the current setting when I have real information to fill in.
     - for the most part, technology is stuck in the 80s or 90s, but there
       are some key differences 
       - the underground city has only electric cars
+      - aforementioned nuclear power plants
       - successful cryogenic preservation
     - computing is different 
       - home computers are rare - they are similar to early to mid 90s

qa-Overdue_Maintenence-power_station.html

@@ -5,56 +5,38 @@
   Roaring water echoes from somewhere deep below. Annie grabs her bag and
   goes ahead. The tunnel wall to the right features doors, large gates,
   and windows that allow a peek into abandoned offices, storage spaces, and
-  control rooms. The end of the tunnel connects to a balcony with rusted
-  metal walkways going to either side, extending into a narrow ravine.
-  She steps onto it, making sure to keep her distance to the rusty railing,
-  and looks around. The walkway to the right connects to the top of a dam
-  blocking the ravine. A couple bushes, flowers, and a small tree grow
-  there, partially concealing the rusty <span class="comment">armatures?
-  </span> and the wall is green from moss and small ferns. Water flows
-  over the spillway, falling into the depths below where it joins a
-  torrent of water rushing out of two big pipes at the bottom of the
-  ravine. The other walkway leads to a freestanding staircase going all
-  the way down.
+  control rooms. The end of the tunnel connects to a balcony with rusty
+  walkways connecting to either side, extending into a narrow ravine.
+  She steps onto it, making sure to keep her distance to the railing, and
+  looks around. The walkway to the right connects to the top of a dam
+  blocking the ravine. A couple bushes, purple flowers, and a small tree
+  grow on top of it and the wall is partially green from moss. Water flows
+  over the spillway, falling into the depths below where it joins a torrent
+  of water coming from two big pipes at the bottom of the ravine.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Jack walks up next to her, grabbing hold of the railing, trying to
-  shake it but it doesn't budge.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Looks like it&apos;s gonna hold.</span><br />
-  He turns to the right and steps onto the walkway before having an idea.
-  He turns to Annie and Michelle:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Ladies first.</span><br />
-  While Annie is still thinking about a response, Michelle&apos;s response
-  is immediate:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Thanks but you can go ahead.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">You two are lighter though.</span>
-</p>
-<p class="comment">
-  They walk to the dam, look into the windows
-</p>
-<p class="comment">
-  Some events have changed, this needs to be tied together again.
+  She turns around to see Jack getting a toolbox from the truck bed and
+  James and Michelle waiting next to a door, holding a large box full of
+  random spare parts. She hurries over to them and opens it by pulling a
+  loop of wire through the latch.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Annie?</span> Michelle calls
-  <span class="comment">?</span> her. They are standing by one of the doors
-  in the tunnel wall. Jack pulls a wire through the latch and opens it.
   Inside is the main control room. The wall to the right is lined with
-  metal cabinets that have levers, buttons, switches, and large gauges on
+  metal cabinets that have levers, buttons, dials, and large gauges on
   them. The wall to the left features a front of windows, allowing a view
-  of the spillway and the top of the dam. Some of the windows have cracks
-  but somehow none are broken. In front of the windows is a collection of
-  random furniture, mostly desks and chairs. The center of the room is
-  taken up by a large console with more buttons, switches, and gauges that
-  is facing the windows and an opening in the floor covered by a thick
-  glass pane. They roam around the room for a moment. Annie looks outside,
-  admiring the flowering lilypads floating in the water that is held back
-  by the dam.
+  of the spillway and the top of the dam, below which is a random
+  collection of furniture, primarily desks and chairs. Some of the windows
+  have cracks but, by some miracle, none are broken. The center of the room
+  is taken up by a large console with more buttons, switches, and gauges
+  that is facing the windows and an opening in the floor covered by a thick
+  glass pane.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Michelle asks: <span class="quote speech">Jack, what&apos;s the status
-  on that dome city you&apos;re building? You guys only have two years to
-  finish that project.</span><br />
+  They set down their things and roam around the room. Out of nowhere,
+  Michelle asks:<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Jack, what&apos;s the status on that dome city
+  you&apos;re building? You guys only have two years to finish that
+  project.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh no, I guess we&apos;re gonna have to slack
   less while waiting for bureaucracy to take its course.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Look, the power lines are gonna get hooked up
@@ -70,12 +52,12 @@
   Jack looks at a clipboard that was placed on the control panel on the
   center console.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">The next maintenence expedition is scheduled
-  for 2011... I don&apos;t think anyone ever stepped foot in here after
-  &lt;dome city&gt; was closed off.</span><br />
+  for 2011 &ndash; I don&apos;t think anyone ever stepped foot in here
+  after &lt;dome city&gt; was closed off.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">It wouldn&apos;t surprise me.</span> Annie
-  turns around and leans against the center console.
-  <span class="quote speech">Apart from a small group, the entire city is
-  legitimately scared of the outside world.</span><br />
+  leans against the center console. <span class="quote speech">Apart from a
+  small group, the entire city is legitimately scared of the outside
+  world.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I mean they&apos;re probably right, the
   outside world is dangerous. Look down, by the way.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Whoa!</span><br />
@@ -83,15 +65,25 @@
   glass pane. It allows a view down into a hall filled with machinery.
 </p>
 <p>
-  They gather around it and look down. The floor is flooded by water
-  rushing out of a burst pipe and spraying out from the flanges of many
-  other pipe sections.<br />
+  They look down into it. Water is pouring out of a burst pipe and from
+  the flanges between pipes.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">It&apos;s a miracle this place is still
   running.</span>
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
   missing section
 </p>
+<p>
+  Jack walks up to the rusty railing, grabbing it and trying to shake it
+  as hard as he can but it doesn&apos;t even rattle.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Quality engineering.</span><br />
+  Using the walkway to the right, they get on top of the dam.
+  <span class="comment">And now what?</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  The other walkway connects to a freestanding staircase leading all the
+  way down.
+</p>
 <p>
   Jack turns the key and the gate starts to move up, scrathcing and
   squeeking as it does, revealing a bunch of crates. About half-way