'na' Telescope: revision

ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html

@@ -172,7 +172,7 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie hears Jack press some buttons and the clicking of relays. The
-  motors go quiet and the train starts to slow down. She tries to open her
+  motors go quiet, leaving the train rolling. She tries to open her
   eyes but it&apos;s still too bright.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I think you could use a pair of
   sunglasses.</span><br />

na-Telescope.html

@@ -2,13 +2,15 @@
 
 <h1>Telescope</h1>
 <p>
+  Jack grabs the map from the center console.<br />
   Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I know the way.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Wanna drive?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sure.</span><br />
-  Jack hands her the keys and the four get in the truck. James joins
-  Michelle in the front, Annie and Jack take the rear seats.
-  A few moments later, Michelle pulls onto the street in front of
-  the bunker.<br />
+  He puts the map back, hands her the keys, and the four get in the truck.
+  James joins Michelle in the front and has Dora jump in
+  <span class="comment">translate: in seinen Fu&szlig;raum</span>, Annie
+  and Jack take the rear seats. A few moments later, Michelle pulls onto
+  the street in front of the bunker.<br />
   James asks her: <span class="quote speech">How far is it?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">A decent bit. Used to be about an hour on the
   highway. If it&apos;s in even somewhat decent shape, I&apos;d say
@@ -27,16 +29,17 @@
   you.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How are you not absolutely terrified by the
   speed?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">You get used to it after a while... Also,
-  I know very well what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash;
-  I used to drive the same back then.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">You get used to it... Also, I know very well
+  what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash; I used to drive the
+  same back then.</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">Maybe add a section about Dora acting up?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Within a few minutes, they make it out of Ivydale, leaving its valley
   behind. The mountains make way for an area of plains and shallow hills.
   The large, rusty signs above still indicate the proximity of
   Sentinel&nbsp;Shores where they haven&apos;t faded completely. Following
-  them, Michelle takes an exit onto another highway that takes them north,
+  them, Michelle takes an exit onto another highway that leads north,
   around the western part of Ivydale&apos;s lower side.
 </p>
 <p>
@@ -58,25 +61,27 @@
   <span class="quote speech">James, I&apos;m sorry, but it doesn&apos;t
   look like you&apos;ll be able to look through that telescope &ndash; or
   anyone for that matter...</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Might still find
+  <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Still gonna look for
   pictures there... Didn&apos;t you say you also need a telescope?</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: The optical one
   back there and the radio telescope in that ball of triangles in the
   middle there. That&apos;s essentially just a really big antenna.</span>
   <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">How does that work?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Stars emit light, but also other kinds of
-  radiation. Radio telescopes were used to image that.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Can we do that?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">An antenna but you call it a telescope?</span>
+  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">It works similarly, just for imaging a much
+  lower part of the electromagnetic spectrum. Stars give off a bunch more
+  than just visible light.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Can we try that one?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">A lot of things would have to go right for
   that.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   She drives through what remains of an open gate, onto a large,
-  overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings. She drives around
-  the radio telescope and parks the truck between it and the optical
-  telescope. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over
+  overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings, going around
+  the radio telescope and parking the truck between it and the optical
+  one. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over
   the place, some even out of the buildings&apos; walls. Dora runs up
   to one of the bushes and barks at it. A young fox jumps out and runs
   away.<br />
@@ -91,10 +96,11 @@
   The ones in the front depicting the outside of the observatory but
   there is at least one depicting a nebula.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">James, look what I found.</span><br />
-  He puts it into his backpack.
+  <span class="quote speech">Oooh thanks!</span><br />
+  He takes it and puts it into a bag.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The stairs are partially
+  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The staircase has partially
   collapsed so he moves one of the filing cabinets in their place and
   climbs to the next floor.<br />
   <span class="quote speech"></span>

oa-Lab_Rat-Emily_lab_incident.html

@@ -25,7 +25,7 @@
   She storms off into the hallway; Lena jumps up and runs after her.
 </p>
 <p>
-  As she runs through the door to the lab module, Emily smashes the hammer
+  As Emily runs through the door to the lab module, she smashes the hammer
   into its control panel. Arcing noises, the hissing of air pressure
   getting released, the broken equipment alarm beeps. The door comes
   falling down behind her, slamming into the floor and latching with a
@@ -43,10 +43,10 @@
   the workbenches. She lifts it up and looks through the clear, blue
   liquid. Tony had written some science-y words on the flask along with
   &quot;cure 5x concentrated&quot;, and closed it off with a glass stopper.
-  Emily removes the stopper and grabs a small beaker from the drying rack
-  on the wall above the sink. She pours some of the liquid into the beaker,
-  sets the flask aside, and tops it off with water from the tap. Holding
-  the beaker in her hands, she hesitates.
+  Emily removes it and grabs a small beaker from the drying rack above
+  the sink. She pours some of the liquid into the beaker, sets the flask
+  aside, and tops it off with tap water. Holding the beaker in her hands,
+  she hesitates.
 </p>
 <p>
   Buzzing noises and clicking from the door. The latching mechanism opens.

zy-Landing_Troubles.html

@@ -12,8 +12,9 @@
   Emily stares at the control panel for a moment trying to think. She grabs
   her emergency notes and frantically searches for the relevant section.
   After finally finding the right page, she presses a few buttons on the
-  keyboard. The screen clears and shows the word "HALTED". Then,
-  she flips a bunch of switches to unlock the controls. Clicking and
+  keyboard. The screen clears and shows the word "HALTED".
+  <!-- TODO: replace this with SPARCstation Stop+A -->
+  Then, she flips a bunch of switches to unlock the controls. Clicking and
   clanging under the control panel. <span class="comment">Throttle lever and
   position controls start floating</span> Looking at the next page of her
   notes, she realizes that the order has been messed up. Again, she