many chapters: minor revisions - mostly wording fixes, some small gaps filled

Yeah I just wanna get rid of that list of red files in my `git status` but many of these aren't worth pushing on their own.
master
BodgeMaster 2026-01-15 08:33:23 +01:00
parent 750ea92067
commit 2ac3e76a4f
6 changed files with 44 additions and 42 deletions

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@ -75,7 +75,7 @@
She hurries up the stairs and gets on. The doors close and it begins to
move. Annie catches her breath and takes her library card out to look at
it. The note written on it reads:
<span class="quote non-speech">&lt;metro station&gt; 10:30PM
<span class="quote non-speech">Metro Crystal Park 10:30PM
tonight</span>.
</p>

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@ -59,8 +59,8 @@
<p>
Looking outside again, Annie realizes:<br />
<span class="quote speech">I have never seen one of these</span> &ndash;
she knocks on the control panel &ndash; <span class="quote speech">go
this fast.</span><br />
she taps her hand on the control panel &ndash;
<span class="quote speech">go this fast.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Me neither</span>, says Jack. He adds:
<span class="quote speech">There used to be trains that could go faster
&ndash; a lot faster &ndash; but not the metro.</span>

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@ -155,7 +155,6 @@
<br />
<span class="quote speech">Uhh... yes.</span><br />
He seems to be taken aback by her sudden excitement.<br />
<span class="comment">Missing: explanation, they go to car, Mary sits in
the front with Jack</span>
<span class="comment">Missing: explanation, they go to car</span>
</p>
<p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html>

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@ -4,18 +4,19 @@
<!-- perspective: Jack -->
<p>
<!--
the fact that Mary sits in the front is already a given
-->
They drive on a dirt road alongside the dried-out <span class="comment">
river name</span>. The road is in pretty poor condition and they get
shaken thoroughly.<br />
Mary appears to be having a blast:
shaken thoroughly. Mary sits in the front with Jack, showing him the way.
<br />
She appears to be having a blast:
<span class="quote speech">Faster! Faster!</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t think Annie would appreciate
that.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Aww.</span><br />
Annie says <span class="quote speech">thanks</span> from the rear seats.
They hear Annie say <span class="quote speech">thanks</span> from behind
Jack.<br />
<span class="comment">somezthing along the lines of &quot;You good back
there?&quot;</span>
</p>
<p>
<!--
@ -61,17 +62,15 @@
with a few walls that pertrude into the river and two
<span class="comment">weers? translate: Stauwehre / Wehre</span>, one for
controlling the <span class="comment">inflow? tanslate: Zufluss</span>,
one for a bypass. The floor of the tunnel sits significantly beneath
the river bed and, while the river bed is completely dry, there is still
one for a bypass <span class="comment"> can be adjusted with large
screws </span>. The floor of the tunnel sits significantly beneath the
river bed and, while the river bed is completely dry, there is still
some water inside.
<!--
- trockenes Wehr am Einlass
- water in the tunnel
- bridge nearby
- look at the large buried tank / branching point
<span class="comment"><br />
TBD:<br />
- look at the large buried tank / branching point<br />
- go upstream to see where the river has gone
-->
</span>
</p>
<p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html>

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@ -56,8 +56,9 @@
told to fill in the rest.
</p>
<p>
<span class="comment">something is missing here, maybe add a
paragraph about the trial itself</span>
Not much later, she finds herself at trial. As laid out in the paperwork,
she gets banished. She is almost kinda surprised it wasn&apos;t
a trick, but also relieved.
</p>
<p>
Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench.
@ -95,15 +96,15 @@
It&apos;s a short ride from the prison to the nearest train station.
Apart from a few cars moving around, the entire area is completely dark.
No steetlights, no lit-up windows. It is dark enough that she can see
a faint shimmer on the dome ceiling, reflecting from other parts of
the city.
a faint shimmer on the dome ceiling, reflecting the light from other
parts of the city.
</p>
<p>
A train is waiting at the platform. Rather than the usual metro, this one
is made up of a battery locomotive and a few flatbed cars. The guard
is made up of a battery locomotive and a few flat bed cars. The guard
hands the key to her handcuffs over to a guy who seems to be in charge.
They sign some paperwork. Then, the guard leaves and the guy tells her
to go sit on the last of the flatbed cars.
to go sit on the last car at the end of the train.
</p>
<p>
A few minutes later, the same repeats with Lucas. He sits down next to

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@ -9,26 +9,29 @@
bench next to the airlock. Emily helps her all the way into the
suit. Lena sits there for a moment, heavily breathing, while Emily waits.
<br />
<span class="quote speech">Sorry, I can&apos;t... I feel exhausted.</span>
<span class="quote speech">Sorry, I can&apos;t... too exhausted...</span>
<br />
Emily nods and continues getting both of them ready.
</p>
<p>
Emily takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. She returns
for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall, and sets
it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes sure that
the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read what they
should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with the check
list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks everything
&ndash; first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied with her
findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats this
procedure for the second unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they get
into the airlock.
She takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. Then, she
returns for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall,
and sets it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes
sure that the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read
what they should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with
the check list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks
everything &ndash; first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied
with her findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats
this procedure for another unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they
get into the airlock.
</p>
<p>
The pumps are getting quieter and quieter. Lena kneels on the floor
Helmets on, inner door closed, airlock cycling. The pumps are getting
quieter and quieter as the pressure drops. Lena kneels on the floor
holding a bunch of flowers from the biotope module, her life support
unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and and
helps her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and
they start walking, Lena leaning on Emily.
unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and helps
her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and they
start walking, Lena leaning on her.
</p>
<p>
They reach the graveyard and walk over to the recent graves. The entire
@ -48,7 +51,7 @@
<span class="quote speech">Ultimately, you were right.</span> She is
interrupted by coughing. <span class="quote speech">If more had taken
Tony&apos;s cure &ndash; no matter what risk it posed ... &ndash; maybe
some of them would be alive now.</span><br />
some of them would have made it.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">What about you?</span> Emily asks with a
slither of hope in her voice.<br />
<span class="quote speech">No &ndash; no cure can save me, it&apos;s too