many chapters: minor revisions - mostly wording fixes, some small gaps filled

Yeah I just wanna get rid of that list of red files in my `git status` but many of these aren't worth pushing on their own.
master
BodgeMaster 2026-01-15 08:33:23 +01:00
parent 750ea92067
commit 2ac3e76a4f
6 changed files with 44 additions and 42 deletions

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@ -75,7 +75,7 @@
She hurries up the stairs and gets on. The doors close and it begins to She hurries up the stairs and gets on. The doors close and it begins to
move. Annie catches her breath and takes her library card out to look at move. Annie catches her breath and takes her library card out to look at
it. The note written on it reads: it. The note written on it reads:
<span class="quote non-speech">&lt;metro station&gt; 10:30PM <span class="quote non-speech">Metro Crystal Park 10:30PM
tonight</span>. tonight</span>.
</p> </p>

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@ -59,8 +59,8 @@
<p> <p>
Looking outside again, Annie realizes:<br /> Looking outside again, Annie realizes:<br />
<span class="quote speech">I have never seen one of these</span> &ndash; <span class="quote speech">I have never seen one of these</span> &ndash;
she knocks on the control panel &ndash; <span class="quote speech">go she taps her hand on the control panel &ndash;
this fast.</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">go this fast.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Me neither</span>, says Jack. He adds: <span class="quote speech">Me neither</span>, says Jack. He adds:
<span class="quote speech">There used to be trains that could go faster <span class="quote speech">There used to be trains that could go faster
&ndash; a lot faster &ndash; but not the metro.</span> &ndash; a lot faster &ndash; but not the metro.</span>

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@ -155,7 +155,6 @@
<br /> <br />
<span class="quote speech">Uhh... yes.</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">Uhh... yes.</span><br />
He seems to be taken aback by her sudden excitement.<br /> He seems to be taken aback by her sudden excitement.<br />
<span class="comment">Missing: explanation, they go to car, Mary sits in <span class="comment">Missing: explanation, they go to car</span>
the front with Jack</span>
</p> </p>
<p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html> <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html>

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@ -4,18 +4,19 @@
<!-- perspective: Jack --> <!-- perspective: Jack -->
<p> <p>
<!--
the fact that Mary sits in the front is already a given
-->
They drive on a dirt road alongside the dried-out <span class="comment"> They drive on a dirt road alongside the dried-out <span class="comment">
river name</span>. The road is in pretty poor condition and they get river name</span>. The road is in pretty poor condition and they get
shaken thoroughly.<br /> shaken thoroughly. Mary sits in the front with Jack, showing him the way.
Mary appears to be having a blast: <br />
She appears to be having a blast:
<span class="quote speech">Faster! Faster!</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">Faster! Faster!</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t think Annie would appreciate <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t think Annie would appreciate
that.</span><br /> that.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Aww.</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">Aww.</span><br />
Annie says <span class="quote speech">thanks</span> from the rear seats. They hear Annie say <span class="quote speech">thanks</span> from behind
Jack.<br />
<span class="comment">somezthing along the lines of &quot;You good back
there?&quot;</span>
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
<!-- <!--
@ -61,17 +62,15 @@
with a few walls that pertrude into the river and two with a few walls that pertrude into the river and two
<span class="comment">weers? translate: Stauwehre / Wehre</span>, one for <span class="comment">weers? translate: Stauwehre / Wehre</span>, one for
controlling the <span class="comment">inflow? tanslate: Zufluss</span>, controlling the <span class="comment">inflow? tanslate: Zufluss</span>,
one for a bypass. The floor of the tunnel sits significantly beneath one for a bypass <span class="comment"> can be adjusted with large
the river bed and, while the river bed is completely dry, there is still screws </span>. The floor of the tunnel sits significantly beneath the
river bed and, while the river bed is completely dry, there is still
some water inside. some water inside.
<span class="comment"><br />
<!-- TBD:<br />
- trockenes Wehr am Einlass - look at the large buried tank / branching point<br />
- water in the tunnel
- bridge nearby
- look at the large buried tank / branching point
- go upstream to see where the river has gone - go upstream to see where the river has gone
--> </span>
</p> </p>
<p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html> <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html>

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@ -56,8 +56,9 @@
told to fill in the rest. told to fill in the rest.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
<span class="comment">something is missing here, maybe add a Not much later, she finds herself at trial. As laid out in the paperwork,
paragraph about the trial itself</span> she gets banished. She is almost kinda surprised it wasn&apos;t
a trick, but also relieved.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench. Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench.
@ -95,15 +96,15 @@
It&apos;s a short ride from the prison to the nearest train station. It&apos;s a short ride from the prison to the nearest train station.
Apart from a few cars moving around, the entire area is completely dark. Apart from a few cars moving around, the entire area is completely dark.
No steetlights, no lit-up windows. It is dark enough that she can see No steetlights, no lit-up windows. It is dark enough that she can see
a faint shimmer on the dome ceiling, reflecting from other parts of a faint shimmer on the dome ceiling, reflecting the light from other
the city. parts of the city.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
A train is waiting at the platform. Rather than the usual metro, this one A train is waiting at the platform. Rather than the usual metro, this one
is made up of a battery locomotive and a few flat bed cars. The guard is made up of a battery locomotive and a few flat bed cars. The guard
hands the key to her handcuffs over to a guy who seems to be in charge. hands the key to her handcuffs over to a guy who seems to be in charge.
They sign some paperwork. Then, the guard leaves and the guy tells her They sign some paperwork. Then, the guard leaves and the guy tells her
to go sit on the last of the flatbed cars. to go sit on the last car at the end of the train.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
A few minutes later, the same repeats with Lucas. He sits down next to A few minutes later, the same repeats with Lucas. He sits down next to

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@ -9,26 +9,29 @@
bench next to the airlock. Emily helps her all the way into the bench next to the airlock. Emily helps her all the way into the
suit. Lena sits there for a moment, heavily breathing, while Emily waits. suit. Lena sits there for a moment, heavily breathing, while Emily waits.
<br /> <br />
<span class="quote speech">Sorry, I can&apos;t... I feel exhausted.</span> <span class="quote speech">Sorry, I can&apos;t... too exhausted...</span>
<br />
Emily nods and continues getting both of them ready.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
Emily takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. She returns She takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. Then, she
for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall, and sets returns for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall,
it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes sure that and sets it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes
the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read what they sure that the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read
should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with the check what they should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with
list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks everything the check list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks
&ndash; first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied with her everything &ndash; first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied
findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats this with her findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats
procedure for the second unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they get this procedure for another unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they
into the airlock. get into the airlock.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
The pumps are getting quieter and quieter. Lena kneels on the floor Helmets on, inner door closed, airlock cycling. The pumps are getting
quieter and quieter as the pressure drops. Lena kneels on the floor
holding a bunch of flowers from the biotope module, her life support holding a bunch of flowers from the biotope module, her life support
unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and and unit next to her on a short tether. Emily puts it on her back and helps
helps her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and her up. The outer door of the airlock silently swings aside and they
they start walking, Lena leaning on Emily. start walking, Lena leaning on her.
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
They reach the graveyard and walk over to the recent graves. The entire They reach the graveyard and walk over to the recent graves. The entire
@ -48,7 +51,7 @@
<span class="quote speech">Ultimately, you were right.</span> She is <span class="quote speech">Ultimately, you were right.</span> She is
interrupted by coughing. <span class="quote speech">If more had taken interrupted by coughing. <span class="quote speech">If more had taken
Tony&apos;s cure &ndash; no matter what risk it posed ... &ndash; maybe Tony&apos;s cure &ndash; no matter what risk it posed ... &ndash; maybe
some of them would be alive now.</span><br /> some of them would have made it.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">What about you?</span> Emily asks with a <span class="quote speech">What about you?</span> Emily asks with a
slither of hope in her voice.<br /> slither of hope in her voice.<br />
<span class="quote speech">No &ndash; no cure can save me, it&apos;s too <span class="quote speech">No &ndash; no cure can save me, it&apos;s too