'ja' Erosion: revision, continue writing

ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html

@@ -10,15 +10,17 @@
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m gonna ... need a moment.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Water?</span><br />
-  She lifts her head and Jack hands her a glass. After taking a couple sips,
+  She raises her head and Jack hands her a glass. After taking a couple
-  she sets it down, unsure whether it helps or makes it worse, and rests
+  sips, she sets it down, unsure whether it helps or makes it worse, and
-  her head again.<br />
+  rests her head again.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a moment.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a moment.</span>
-  After a while, she lifts her head again.<br />
+</p>
-  <span class="quote speech">So what year is it? ... and what&apos;s our
+<p>
+  After a while, she lifts up her head again:<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">What year is it? ... and what&apos;s our
   mission?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six. We don&apos;t have a
+  <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six. We don&apos;t have an
-  mission, uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
+  explicit mission, uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You&apos;re kidding.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nope.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How&apos;d you get woken up then?</span><br />
@@ -26,11 +28,41 @@
   <span class="quote speech">You survived that?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">That was the least of my challenges.</span>
   <br />
-  Jack recounts his side of the events of the past <span class="comment">
+  Jack briefly recounts his side of the events of the past
-  amount of time</span> as well as some of the things he had read about in
+  <span class="comment">amount of time</span> as well as some of the things
-  the logs or talked about with Annie.
+  he had read in the logs or talked about with Annie.
+</p>
+<p>
+  Michelle&apos;s dizziness goes away and the burning sensation in her body
+  begins to fade. She slowly gets up, takes a few cautious steps forward to
+  the table, and leans on it.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">So?</span> She looks at Jack.
+  <span class="quote speech">What now? Any plans?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess, for now, exploring the area and
+  taking a look at the uplink. I wanna see if we can fix it.</span><br />
+  Michelle thinks for a moment.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Sorry but I don&apos;t quite feel ready for
+  a hike like that. I&apos;m gonna need a little bit longer.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Take your time.</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  After a short pause, Jack walks over to the kitchen area, saying:
+  <span class="quote speech">If you want, I got some leftover baked potato
+  wedges...</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Ooh yeah, something to eat would be really
+  nice right now. Did you make your usual spicy dip to go with them?</span>
+  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Yup.</span><br />
+  He places a small bowl filled with a dark red paste on the table.
+  Then, he takes the <span class="comment">Backblech?</span> with the
+  wedges and puts it in the oven to reheat them.
+</p>
+<p>
+  Michelle turns around and picks up the glass off the floor before sitting
+  down at the table.
+  <span class="comment">Idk they eat, guess I&apos;ll need to describe that
+  in a bit more detail... Then they get ready to leave.</span>
 </p>
-<p class="comment">missing section</p>
 <p>
   They step outside and, following what remains of the old path, start
   walking. It is narrow and winded, overgrown, and has partially
@@ -43,11 +75,12 @@
   and says: <span class="quote speech">Well, that could be a reason why
   the uplink is down &ndash; it literally <i>is down</i>...</span>.
   Michelle reaches the edge and and sees what Jack had stopped for:
-  A huge ravine estends towards the top of the mountain where a landslide
+  A large <span class="comment">ravine? wash?</span> extends towards the
-  had left nothing but a cliff and a huge pile of rubble. At the top of
+  top of the mountain where a landslide had left nothing but a cliff and
-  the mountain, teetering on the edge, are two buildings &ndash; all
+  a huge pile of rubble. At the top of the mountain, teetering on the
-  that&apos;s left of the ground station. The rest of the buildings and
+  edge, are two buildings &ndash; all that&apos;s left of the ground
-  the dish lay strewn around in pieces down below.
+  station. The rest of the buildings and the dish lay strewn around
+  in pieces down below.
 </p>
 
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