'na' Telescope: revision

na-Telescope.html

@@ -2,13 +2,15 @@
 
 <h1>Telescope</h1>
 <p>
+  Jack grabs the map from the center console.<br />
   Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I know the way.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Wanna drive?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sure.</span><br />
-  Jack hands her the keys and the four get in the truck. James joins
+  He puts the map back, hands her the keys, and the four get in the truck.
-  Michelle in the front, Annie and Jack take the rear seats.
+  James joins Michelle in the front and has Dora jump in
-  A few moments later, Michelle pulls onto the street in front of
+  <span class="comment">translate: in seinen Fu&szlig;raum</span>, Annie
-  the bunker.<br />
+  and Jack take the rear seats. A few moments later, Michelle pulls onto
+  the street in front of the bunker.<br />
   James asks her: <span class="quote speech">How far is it?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">A decent bit. Used to be about an hour on the
   highway. If it&apos;s in even somewhat decent shape, I&apos;d say
@@ -27,16 +29,17 @@
   you.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How are you not absolutely terrified by the
   speed?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">You get used to it after a while... Also,
+  <span class="quote speech">You get used to it... Also, I know very well
-  I know very well what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash;
+  what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash; I used to drive the
-  I used to drive the same back then.</span>
+  same back then.</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">Maybe add a section about Dora acting up?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Within a few minutes, they make it out of Ivydale, leaving its valley
   behind. The mountains make way for an area of plains and shallow hills.
   The large, rusty signs above still indicate the proximity of
   Sentinel&nbsp;Shores where they haven&apos;t faded completely. Following
-  them, Michelle takes an exit onto another highway that takes them north,
+  them, Michelle takes an exit onto another highway that leads north,
   around the western part of Ivydale&apos;s lower side.
 </p>
 <p>
@@ -58,25 +61,27 @@
   <span class="quote speech">James, I&apos;m sorry, but it doesn&apos;t
   look like you&apos;ll be able to look through that telescope &ndash; or
   anyone for that matter...</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Might still find
+  <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Still gonna look for
   pictures there... Didn&apos;t you say you also need a telescope?</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: The optical one
   back there and the radio telescope in that ball of triangles in the
   middle there. That&apos;s essentially just a really big antenna.</span>
   <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">How does that work?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">An antenna but you call it a telescope?</span>
-  <span class="quote speech">Stars emit light, but also other kinds of
+  <br />
-  radiation. Radio telescopes were used to image that.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">It works similarly, just for imaging a much
-  <span class="quote speech">Can we do that?</span><br />
+  lower part of the electromagnetic spectrum. Stars give off a bunch more
+  than just visible light.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Can we try that one?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">A lot of things would have to go right for
   that.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   She drives through what remains of an open gate, onto a large,
-  overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings. She drives around
+  overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings, going around
-  the radio telescope and parks the truck between it and the optical
+  the radio telescope and parking the truck between it and the optical
-  telescope. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over
+  one. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over
   the place, some even out of the buildings&apos; walls. Dora runs up
   to one of the bushes and barks at it. A young fox jumps out and runs
   away.<br />
@@ -91,10 +96,11 @@
   The ones in the front depicting the outside of the observatory but
   there is at least one depicting a nebula.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">James, look what I found.</span><br />
-  He puts it into his backpack.
+  <span class="quote speech">Oooh thanks!</span><br />
+  He takes it and puts it into a bag.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The stairs are partially
+  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The staircase has partially
   collapsed so he moves one of the filing cabinets in their place and
   climbs to the next floor.<br />
   <span class="quote speech"></span>