'na' Telescope: extensive revision

na-Telescope.html

@@ -3,40 +3,47 @@
 <h1>Telescope</h1>
 <p>
   Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I know the way.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Wanna drive?</span> <span class="comment">make
+  Jack extends his hand with the keys.<br />
-  it clear that Jack says this</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Wanna drive?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sure.</span><br />
-  The four of them get in the truck and she pulls onto the road in front of
+  She takes them and the four get in the truck. A few moments later,
-  the bunker.<br />
+  Michelle pulls onto the road in front of the bunker.<br />
   James asks: <span class="quote speech">How far is it?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">A decent bit. About an hour if the highway is
+  <span class="quote speech">A decent bit. Used to be about an hour on the
-  in good shape.</span> She turns right at an intersection onto the
+  highway. If it&apos;s in even somewhat decent shape, I&apos;d say
-  on-ramp <span class="comment">Is that a word? I&apos;m 80% sure...</span>
+  we&apos;re gonna make it there in about that time.</span><br />
-  of said highway.<br />
+  She turns right at an intersection onto the on-ramp, saying:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">We&apos;re gonna find out very soon...</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Gonna find out very soon...</span>
-  she adds.
 </p>
 <p>
-  The highway has potholes and is partially overgrown but its condition is
+  The pavement is cracked and has potholes, and the highway is partially
-  somehow good enough to drive fast. Michelle floors it and the city
+  overgrown but, despite this, its condition is somehow good enough.
-  outskirts fly by. Within a couple minutes, they make it out of Ivydale,
+  Michelle floors it and the remains of the city outskirts flies by.
-  leaving its valley behind. The mountains make way for an area of plains.
+  Within a few minutes, they make it out of Ivydale, leaving its valley
-  Michelle takes an exit onto another highway. The large, rusty signs above
+  behind. The mountains make way for an area of plains and
-  the road still indicate the proximity of Sentinel Shores where they
+  <span class="comment">low, smooth</span> hills. She takes an exit onto
-  haven&apos;t faded completely.
+  another highway. The large, rusty signs above it still indicate the
+  proximity of Sentinel Shores where they haven&apos;t faded completely.
 </p>
 <p>
   The highway takes them north, around the western part of Ivydale&apos;s
-  lower side. After a while, they approach Sentinel Shores and Michelle
+  lower side. After a while, they approach what used to be the outskirts of
-  takes an exit onto a rural road. The observatory is located on a hill
+  Sentinel Shores and Michelle takes an exit, getting them onto a rural
-  ahead of them. It&apos;s a small group of buildings around a large round
+  road. The observatory is located on a hill, now ahead of them; a small
-  building with a dome for a roof. Off to the side is a group of four
+  group of buildings in the distance.
-  towers, three of them still holding small geodesic domes.
+  <span class="comment">What symbol to put where that semicolon is?
+  Keep the semicolon? A comma? A dash?</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  As they get closer, the buildings take distinct shapes. Two of them stand
+  out: The one in the center holds a large geodesic dome and another one off
+  to the side <span class="comment">elegant description of an optical
+  observatory?</span>. The other buildings look mostly unremarkable.
 </p>
 <p>
   Michelle parks the truck on what remains of the large paved area between
   the buildings and they get out. Trees and bushes grow all over the place,
-  some even out of the windows of the buildings.
+  some even out of the windows and through the roofs of the buildings.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
   What now? They start exploring but where to they begin?