'pa' Basic Needs: Revision

pa-Basic_Needs.html

@@ -2,34 +2,39 @@
 
 <h1> Basic Needs</h1>
 <p>
-  Jack drives into a dried-out river. A bit away from the other side is a
-  group of houses that &ndash; while they have certainly seen better days
-  &ndash; aren&apos;t ruins. The truck struggles to get traction in the
-  sand on the other side of the river bed. After getting stuck, he backs up
-  and turns into the river. He accelerates, the engine roars, then he
-  steers it back onto the side of the river. The truck gets stuck again.
-  This process repeats twice more before they finally make it out and back
-  onto the tall grass that covers the area. Jack drives over to the remains
-  of a road that lead to the settlement.
+  Jack drives into a dried-out river. In the distance on the other side is
+  a group of houses that, while they have certainly seen better days,
+  don&apos;t look abandoned. The truck struggles to get traction in the
+  sand on the other side of the river bed. After getting stuck, Jack backs
+  up and turns into the river. He accelerates, then steers back onto the
+  river bank &ndash; to no avail. He turns back into the river again.
+  The engine roars. First gear, second gear, third gear... Then, he steers
+  back into the side of the river. <span class="comment">rephrase bc
+  repetetiveness</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  The suspension bottoms out as the truck plows uphill through the sand,
+  barely making it out of the river. Annie holds her shoulder that had
+  been pushed into the seat belt.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Can we not do that again, please?</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">response?</span><br />
+  Jack turns around and drives onto the overgrown remains of a road leading
+  to the settlement.
 </p>
 <p>
   He parks in front of an old store.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">This is it, I guess.</span><br />
   They get out and start walking towards the door. A small dog runs up to
-  greet them, jumping around, running in circles, and wagging its tail.
+  them, barking, jumping around, running in circles, and wagging its tail.
   It picks up a stick and drops it in front of Annie. She crouches down,
-  pets the dog, and picks up the stick. The dog bites into the other end
-  and pulls on it.<br />
-  <span class="comment">note: need reason for Jack to go ahead, also better
-  wording</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;ll be inside.</span><br />
-  Jack goes into the store.
+  pets the dog, and picks up the stick.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;ll be right there</span>, Annie says
+  to Jack before throwing it.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay.</span> Jack goes into the store.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="comment">note: need to state that the man appears to be in
-  his 60s</span><br />
-  After playing with the dog for a bit, Annie follows. The man behind the
-  counter is talking to Jack:<br />
+  After playing fetch for a bit, Annie follows. Behind the counter is a man
+  who appears to be in his 60s. He is talking to Jack:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I mean in the long run. We have plenty of food
   right now but, since the &lt;river name&gt; has changed course, we
   don&apos;t even have enough water to grow crops for ourselves. The
@@ -45,7 +50,7 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Listen, we don&apos;t just need a little bit of
   water. The amount of water we need can&apos;t simply be carried here or
   we&apos;d do it ourselves. And we need it regularly and consistently.
-  When the &lt;river&gt; still flowed here, water userd to flow into our
+  When the &lt;river&gt; still flowed here, water used to flow into our
   irrigation system upstream and got distributed to all the fields and
   greenhouses from there.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I know you need an industrial quantity of