'ka' (finding the train): revision

ka--finding_the_train.html

@@ -10,15 +10,14 @@
   track.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Where are you?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Up here.</span><br />
-  Jack had climbed onto the rather sketchy-looking roof of one of the
+  Jack is standing on the rather sketchy-looking roof of one of the
-  trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars and Jack helps her to
+  trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars and Jack helps her
-  the top.<br />
+  to the top.<br />
-  <span class="comment"> Look,</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Look, over there...</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Over there...</span><br />
   He points across the deteriorating metro trains towards the outermost
   track of the overgrown train yard. A small roof - or in places what
   remains of it - extends over the track from the side of a large building.
-  Under the roof are several tank cars. Some are rusted through or missing
+  Several tank cars sit under it. Some are rusted through or missing
   parts, but a few look like they might still hold liquids.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh, wow! Maybe there&apos;s some gas left in
   there or something...</span><br />
@@ -26,26 +25,27 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   They climb back down and make their way over to one of the tank cars.
-  They climb onto the side of the car and Jack attempts to use the ladder
+  Jack clmbs onto the side of the car and attempts to use the ladder
-  that leads to the top. It crumbles under his feet.<br />
+  leading to the top. It crumbles under his feet.
-  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down - hey, use me as a
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down - hey, use me as
-  ladder.</span><br />
+  a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her up on top of it.
-  He leans against the car and helps her onto the tank.
+</p>
-  <span class="comment"> something missing? Idk </span>
+<p>
-  Michelle inspects the lid.<br />
+  Michelle inspects the lid. It&apos;s held on with large nuts.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Do we have a wrench or something?</span><br />
   Jack looks around.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t know. Lemme take a look inside
   there...</span><br />
-  He disappears through where used to be a door. After a moment, he
+  He disappears through an opening in the wall where used to be a door.
-  reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable wrench.<br />
+  After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable
+  wrench.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">It&apos;s a bit rusty but should do the
   job.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m afraid to see what you call very
   rusty.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">This thing, for example.</span><br />
-  He knocks it against the ladder on the side of the tank causing more
+  He knocks it against the side of the tank causing more pieces of the
-  pieces to break off. Then, he hands the wrench to her. After a bit of
+  ladder to break off. Then, he hands the wrench to her. After a bit of
   fiddling, she manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the
   lid in place - it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Need a hammer or something?</span><br />
@@ -54,8 +54,9 @@
   Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and passes it to her. Putting it
   over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the
   bolt snaps with a bang.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Well that&apos;s one way for that to come
+  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s certainly one of the ways to undo
-  off.</span>
+  a nut.</span><br />
+  She moves on to the next one.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
   missing section: Michelle opens the lid and finds some disappointing
@@ -83,7 +84,7 @@
   </span> A few rows of large industrial shelves on the other side of the
   hall hold partially rotting crates. On either side of the area with the
   shelves are spacious areas with machine tools, small cranes, and other
-  machinery. A few plants grow here and there. A single train tack goes
+  machinery. A few plants grow here and there. A single train track goes
   through the center of the hall with additional tracks for a gantry crane
   to either side of it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the
   rusty crane, sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
@@ -91,15 +92,19 @@
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea indeed</span>, she says while
   walking towards it. Then, she corrects herself:
-  <span class="quote speech">Actually, it might not be that stupid. It
+  <span class="quote speech">Actually, it might be useful. That&apos;s one
-  should have a generator that we can use.</span><br />
+  of the diesel-electric ones, right?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That is if we can get it to a location where
+  <span class="quote speech">Oh, I thought we drink the diesel and push
-  it would be useful.</span><br />
+  this thing around for fun.</span> He grins.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Is there a railroad close to the bunker?</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, so can we use its generator?</span><br />
-  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Maybe, if we can get it to a location where
+  it's useful.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">There is no railroad close to the
+  bunker?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Not that I know of, the closest would be
   somewhere around Ivydale South.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Okay, not very useful. Let&apos;s go find a
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, not very useful. That wasn&apos;t very
-  truck then.</span>
+  well planned, Mr infrastructure guy.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s go find a truck.</span>
 </p>
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