'mc' Welcome Home: minor revision, fill in some gaps, move comments around for better readability
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@ -11,31 +11,32 @@
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it?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Gonna guess that's our campfire –
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nothing to worry about.</span><br />
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<span class="comment">response?</span>
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<span class="quote speech">I hope you're right on that.</span>
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</p>
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<p>
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Annie and Jack walk over a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>,
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revealing a view of the small valley beyond.
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<span class="comment">Is there a distinct word for a terrain feature
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like a very small valley?</span><br />
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The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large open
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door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it and
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the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
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a fire.<br />
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<span class="comment">lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door
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scene): from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
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<p class="comment">
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lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door scene):<br />
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from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
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the right, crossing the the valley over a bridge, and turning back
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to the right where it passes the bunker and continues around the other
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mountain</span><br />
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They start making their way down to the road.<br />
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mountain<br />
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Maybe, since this is Annie's perspective, it might be fitting
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to lay it out again.
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</p>
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<p>
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Annie and Jack walk over a ridge, revealing a view of the small valley
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beyond. The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large
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open door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it
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and the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
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a fire. They start making their way down to the road.<br />
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Jack takes a radio off his belt and speaks into it:
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<span class="comment">research todo: radio protocol</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Michelle, we're just entering the
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valley.</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">We? You got company?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Annie.</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">I see. Am cooking – any food allergies
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or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">I see. I'm cooking – any food
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allergies or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span>
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<br />
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Annie shakes her head.<br />
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<span class="quote speech">She says no.</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Okay, see you in a bit.</span><br />
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@ -45,42 +46,59 @@
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It takes them a while to get to the road. The pavement is cracked with
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plants growing out of it. Ahead of them is a bridge over a small river.
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They cross it about half-way where Annie stops and turns to the railing.
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She almost leans against it, before the thought
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<span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span> shoots into her
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head. She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
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<br />
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<span class="comment">At some point soon-ish after this, Annie will try
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this and the floor under her will give out. From then on, she will be
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afraid of going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
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Jack joins her looking down at the small river below and says:
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<span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech"></span>
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<span class="comment">What she got to say? What she seeing?</span>
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She almost leans against it, befefore a thought shoots into her mind:
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<span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span>
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She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
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</p>
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<p>
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After a moment, they continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to
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the right into a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few
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more minutes and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw
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earlier – presumably Michelle – comes out of the bunker and
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adds some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
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Jack joins her looking down at what's below and says:
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<span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Seeing it once is good enough.</span><br />
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A small stream flows there, cutting deep into the ground, lined by
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a thicket of bushes on either side.<br />
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Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Are you familiar with
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raspberries?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">They are very rare and expensive.</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Look over there.</span><br />
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He points to one of the bushes which, on a second look, is full of
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berries.<br />
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<span class="quote speech">Ooooh!</span><br />
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They walk to the other side of the bridge and go to the bush.<br />
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After picking a few berries, Jack says:
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<span class="quote speech">I think we should come back later with
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a bucket.</span><br />
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Annie agrees and they make their way through the bushes to the stream,
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where they wash and eat the berries.
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<br />
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<span class="comment">Note to self: At some point soon-ish after this,
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Annie will try testing the railing on a bridge or building and the floor
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under her feet will give out. From then on, she will be afraid of
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going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
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</p>
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<p>
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They continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to the right into
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a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few more minutes
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and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw earlier
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– presumably Michelle – comes out of the bunker and adds
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some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
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Jack introduces the two to each other – it <i>is</i> Michelle.
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<br />
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<span class="quote speech">So you join us out here after all?</span>
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<br />
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<span class="quote speech">Yeah, things kinda went south quickly.</span>
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</br />
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<span class="quote speech">Yeah, things went south kinda quickly.</span>
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<br />
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<span class="quote speech">Well then, welcome to your new home for the
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time being.</span>
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time being.</span><br />
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They all sit down around the fire and Annie recounts the events of the
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recent past while the meal continues cooking.
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</p>
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<p>
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The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes.
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Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
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The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes around
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them. Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
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<span class="quote speech">Is that a dog? There's a dog here!</span>
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<br />
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A medium-sized, brown dog runs out, sniffs them all, barks and then runs
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off on the road, disappearing around an outcrop. A moment later, it
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off on the road, disappearing around a rock outcrop. A moment later, it
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comes back, followed by a guy wearing a long, dark green coat that has
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been patched a few times. He is wearing a backpack and holds a long
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staff, using it as a walking stick.
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