'mc' Welcome Home: minor revision, fill in some gaps, move comments around for better readability

mc-welcome_home.html

@@ -11,31 +11,32 @@
   it?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Gonna guess that&apos;s our campfire &ndash;
   nothing to worry about.</span><br />
-  <span class="comment">response?</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">I hope you're right on that.</span>
 </p>
-<p>
+<p class="comment">
-  Annie and Jack walk over a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>,
+  lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door scene):<br />
-  revealing a view of the small valley beyond.
+  from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
-  <span class="comment">Is there a distinct word for a terrain feature
-  like a very small valley?</span><br />
-  The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large open
-  door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it and
-  the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
-  a fire.<br />
-  <span class="comment">lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door
-  scene): from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
   the right, crossing the the valley over a bridge, and turning back
   to the right where it passes the bunker and continues around the other
-  mountain</span><br />
+  mountain<br />
-  They start making their way down to the road.<br />
+  Maybe, since this is Annie&apos;s perspective, it might be fitting
+  to lay it out again.
+</p>
+<p>
+  Annie and Jack walk over a ridge, revealing a view of the small valley
+  beyond. The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large
+  open door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it
+  and the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
+  a fire. They start making their way down to the road.<br />
   Jack takes a radio off his belt and speaks into it:
   <span class="comment">research todo: radio protocol</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Michelle, we&apos;re just entering the
   valley.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">We? You got company?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Annie.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I see. Am cooking &ndash; any food allergies
+  <span class="quote speech">I see. I&apos;m cooking &ndash; any food
-  or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span><br />
+  allergies or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span>
+  <br />
   Annie shakes her head.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">She says no.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Okay, see you in a bit.</span><br />
@@ -45,42 +46,59 @@
   It takes them a while to get to the road. The pavement is cracked with
   plants growing out of it. Ahead of them is a bridge over a small river.
   They cross it about half-way where Annie stops and turns to the railing.
-  She almost leans against it, before the thought
+  She almost leans against it, befefore a thought shoots into her mind:
-  <span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span> shoots into her
+  <span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span>
-  head. She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
+  She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
-  <br />
-  <span class="comment">At some point soon-ish after this, Annie will try
-  this and the floor under her will give out. From then on, she will be
-  afraid of going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
-  Jack joins her looking down at the small river below and says:
-  <span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech"></span>
-  <span class="comment">What she got to say? What she seeing?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  After a moment, they continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to
+  Jack joins her looking down at what&apos;s below and says:
-  the right into a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few
+  <span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
-  more minutes and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw
+  <span class="quote speech">Seeing it once is good enough.</span><br />
-  earlier &ndash; presumably Michelle &ndash; comes out of the bunker and
+  A small stream flows there, cutting deep into the ground, lined by
-  adds some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
+  a thicket of bushes on either side.<br />
+  Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Are you familiar with
+  raspberries?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">They are very rare and expensive.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Look over there.</span><br />
+  He points to one of the bushes which, on a second look, is full of
+  berries.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Ooooh!</span><br />
+  They walk to the other side of the bridge and go to the bush.<br />
+  After picking a few berries, Jack says:
+  <span class="quote speech">I think we should come back later with
+  a bucket.</span><br />
+  Annie agrees and they make their way through the bushes to the stream,
+  where they wash and eat the berries.
+  <br />
+  <span class="comment">Note to self: At some point soon-ish after this,
+  Annie will try testing the railing on a bridge or building and the floor
+  under her feet will give out. From then on, she will be afraid of
+  going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
+</p>
+<p>
+  They continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to the right into
+  a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few more minutes
+  and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw earlier
+  &ndash; presumably Michelle &ndash; comes out of the bunker and adds
+  some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
   Jack introduces the two to each other &ndash; it <i>is</i> Michelle.
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">So you join us out here after all?</span>
   <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Yeah, things kinda went south quickly.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Yeah, things went south kinda quickly.</span>
-  </br />
+  <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Well then, welcome to your new home for the
-  time being.</span>
+  time being.</span><br />
   They all sit down around the fire and Annie recounts the events of the
   recent past while the meal continues cooking.
 </p>
 <p>
-  The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes.
+  The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes around
-  Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
+  them. Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Is that a dog? There&apos;s a dog here!</span>
   <br />
   A medium-sized, brown dog runs out, sniffs them all, barks and then runs
-  off on the road, disappearing around an outcrop. A moment later, it
+  off on the road, disappearing around a rock outcrop. A moment later, it
   comes back, followed by a guy wearing a long, dark green coat that has
   been patched a few times. He is wearing a backpack and holds a long
   staff, using it as a walking stick.