'mc' Welcome Home: minor revision, fill in some gaps, move comments around for better readability

master
BodgeMaster 2025-08-30 22:27:10 +02:00
parent 655708d235
commit 7c2673f104
1 changed files with 56 additions and 38 deletions

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@ -11,31 +11,32 @@
it?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Gonna guess that&apos;s our campfire &ndash;
nothing to worry about.</span><br />
<span class="comment">response?</span>
<span class="quote speech">I hope you're right on that.</span>
</p>
<p>
Annie and Jack walk over a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>,
revealing a view of the small valley beyond.
<span class="comment">Is there a distinct word for a terrain feature
like a very small valley?</span><br />
The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large open
door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it and
the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
a fire.<br />
<span class="comment">lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door
scene): from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
<p class="comment">
lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door scene):<br />
from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
the right, crossing the the valley over a bridge, and turning back
to the right where it passes the bunker and continues around the other
mountain</span><br />
They start making their way down to the road.<br />
mountain<br />
Maybe, since this is Annie&apos;s perspective, it might be fitting
to lay it out again.
</p>
<p>
Annie and Jack walk over a ridge, revealing a view of the small valley
beyond. The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large
open door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it
and the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
a fire. They start making their way down to the road.<br />
Jack takes a radio off his belt and speaks into it:
<span class="comment">research todo: radio protocol</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Michelle, we&apos;re just entering the
valley.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">We? You got company?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Annie.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">I see. Am cooking &ndash; any food allergies
or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">I see. I&apos;m cooking &ndash; any food
allergies or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span>
<br />
Annie shakes her head.<br />
<span class="quote speech">She says no.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Okay, see you in a bit.</span><br />
@ -45,42 +46,59 @@
It takes them a while to get to the road. The pavement is cracked with
plants growing out of it. Ahead of them is a bridge over a small river.
They cross it about half-way where Annie stops and turns to the railing.
She almost leans against it, before the thought
<span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span> shoots into her
head. She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
<br />
<span class="comment">At some point soon-ish after this, Annie will try
this and the floor under her will give out. From then on, she will be
afraid of going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
Jack joins her looking down at the small river below and says:
<span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech"></span>
<span class="comment">What she got to say? What she seeing?</span>
She almost leans against it, befefore a thought shoots into her mind:
<span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span>
She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
</p>
<p>
After a moment, they continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to
the right into a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few
more minutes and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw
earlier &ndash; presumably Michelle &ndash; comes out of the bunker and
adds some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
Jack joins her looking down at what&apos;s below and says:
<span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Seeing it once is good enough.</span><br />
A small stream flows there, cutting deep into the ground, lined by
a thicket of bushes on either side.<br />
Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Are you familiar with
raspberries?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">They are very rare and expensive.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Look over there.</span><br />
He points to one of the bushes which, on a second look, is full of
berries.<br />
<span class="quote speech">Ooooh!</span><br />
They walk to the other side of the bridge and go to the bush.<br />
After picking a few berries, Jack says:
<span class="quote speech">I think we should come back later with
a bucket.</span><br />
Annie agrees and they make their way through the bushes to the stream,
where they wash and eat the berries.
<br />
<span class="comment">Note to self: At some point soon-ish after this,
Annie will try testing the railing on a bridge or building and the floor
under her feet will give out. From then on, she will be afraid of
going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
</p>
<p>
They continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to the right into
a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few more minutes
and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw earlier
&ndash; presumably Michelle &ndash; comes out of the bunker and adds
some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
Jack introduces the two to each other &ndash; it <i>is</i> Michelle.
<br />
<span class="quote speech">So you join us out here after all?</span>
<br />
<span class="quote speech">Yeah, things kinda went south quickly.</span>
</br />
<span class="quote speech">Yeah, things went south kinda quickly.</span>
<br />
<span class="quote speech">Well then, welcome to your new home for the
time being.</span>
time being.</span><br />
They all sit down around the fire and Annie recounts the events of the
recent past while the meal continues cooking.
</p>
<p>
The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes.
Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes around
them. Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
<span class="quote speech">Is that a dog? There&apos;s a dog here!</span>
<br />
A medium-sized, brown dog runs out, sniffs them all, barks and then runs
off on the road, disappearing around an outcrop. A moment later, it
off on the road, disappearing around a rock outcrop. A moment later, it
comes back, followed by a guy wearing a long, dark green coat that has
been patched a few times. He is wearing a backpack and holds a long
staff, using it as a walking stick.