05 Eventful Evening: language improvements, fix of a critical logic error

Originally, I had the idea that any knowledge of the outside world is
forbidden knowledge but I have since decided (and written with the
assumption) that people generally know of the outside world but regard it
as completely uninhabitable.
master
BodgeMaster 2023-10-10 08:03:29 +02:00
parent 1cba1cec4a
commit 9f65f9c793
1 changed files with 3 additions and 4 deletions

View File

@ -84,7 +84,7 @@
Annie looks through the window in the door as the train enters the
station. The platform is empty except for a shady figure in a hoodie
leaning against the wall, observing the train from under his hood. She
looks at the clock on the station: 10:34 PM - a bit late. As soon as he
looks at the clock in the station: 10:34 PM - a bit late. As soon as he
notices her, he steps away from the wall and walks up to the train.
<span class="comment"> Is there a more elegant way to say that he stops
leaning on the wall? </span> The pressurized air for the doors hisses in
@ -115,7 +115,7 @@
<span class="speech">Well, there might be. Some friends of mine say there
is.</span><br />
Annie thinks about it for a moment. Before yesterday, she wasn&apos;t
even aware that there was a world outside the dome - and now she might
even aware that life could exist outside the dome - and now she might
find out about a way to go there? <br />
<span class="speech">Tell me more</span>, she replies.
</p>
@ -139,8 +139,7 @@
feels dense and depleted, and carries the smell of alcohol. Live
musicians are playing <span class="comment"> Idk? Music genre? Need ideas
</span> on a small stage area in the corner. <br />
<span class="speech">Hey Kate, I&apos;ll take a <span class="comment">
some very alcoholic drink? &quot;Braincell Rattler&quot;? Idk </span>
<span class="speech">Hey Kate, I&apos;ll take a Braincell Rattler
and my uhh... friend here looks like she needs a coffee.</span><br />
<span class="speech">Okay. Going to the back room?</span><br />
<span class="speech">Yeah.</span><br />