05 Eventful Evening: language improvements, fix of a critical logic error
Originally, I had the idea that any knowledge of the outside world is forbidden knowledge but I have since decided (and written with the assumption) that people generally know of the outside world but regard it as completely uninhabitable.master
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@ -84,7 +84,7 @@
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Annie looks through the window in the door as the train enters the
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Annie looks through the window in the door as the train enters the
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station. The platform is empty except for a shady figure in a hoodie
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station. The platform is empty except for a shady figure in a hoodie
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leaning against the wall, observing the train from under his hood. She
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leaning against the wall, observing the train from under his hood. She
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looks at the clock on the station: 10:34 PM - a bit late. As soon as he
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looks at the clock in the station: 10:34 PM - a bit late. As soon as he
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notices her, he steps away from the wall and walks up to the train.
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notices her, he steps away from the wall and walks up to the train.
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<span class="comment"> Is there a more elegant way to say that he stops
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<span class="comment"> Is there a more elegant way to say that he stops
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leaning on the wall? </span> The pressurized air for the doors hisses in
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leaning on the wall? </span> The pressurized air for the doors hisses in
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@ -115,7 +115,7 @@
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<span class="speech">Well, there might be. Some friends of mine say there
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<span class="speech">Well, there might be. Some friends of mine say there
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is.</span><br />
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is.</span><br />
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Annie thinks about it for a moment. Before yesterday, she wasn't
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Annie thinks about it for a moment. Before yesterday, she wasn't
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even aware that there was a world outside the dome - and now she might
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even aware that life could exist outside the dome - and now she might
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find out about a way to go there? <br />
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find out about a way to go there? <br />
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<span class="speech">Tell me more</span>, she replies.
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<span class="speech">Tell me more</span>, she replies.
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</p>
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</p>
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@ -139,8 +139,7 @@
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feels dense and depleted, and carries the smell of alcohol. Live
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feels dense and depleted, and carries the smell of alcohol. Live
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musicians are playing <span class="comment"> Idk? Music genre? Need ideas
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musicians are playing <span class="comment"> Idk? Music genre? Need ideas
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</span> on a small stage area in the corner. <br />
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</span> on a small stage area in the corner. <br />
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<span class="speech">Hey Kate, I'll take a <span class="comment">
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<span class="speech">Hey Kate, I'll take a Braincell Rattler
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some very alcoholic drink? "Braincell Rattler"? Idk </span>
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and my uhh... friend here looks like she needs a coffee.</span><br />
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and my uhh... friend here looks like she needs a coffee.</span><br />
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<span class="speech">Okay. Going to the back room?</span><br />
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<span class="speech">Okay. Going to the back room?</span><br />
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<span class="speech">Yeah.</span><br />
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<span class="speech">Yeah.</span><br />
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