'ka' I Like Trains: Revision

ka-I_Like_Trains-finding_the_train.html

@@ -3,14 +3,15 @@
 <h1>I Like Trains</h1>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Michelle! Guess what I found...</span><br />
-  She climbs through the gap between rotting cars on the adjacent track.
+  The two are exploring one of Ivydale&apos;s train yards. Michelle climbs
+  through between the rotting cars on an adjacent track, looking for him.
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">No idea. Where are you?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Up here.</span><br />
-  Jack is standing on top of one of the metro trains. Michelle climbs onto
+  Jack is standing on top of <span class="comment">atop?</span> one of the
-  the link between cars, from there onto the the edge of the broken
+  metro trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars, from there
-  windshield, and Jack helps her up to the rather sketchy-looking roof.
+  onto the the edge of the broken windshield, and Jack helps her up to the
-  <br />
+  rather sketchy-looking roof.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Look, over there...</span><br />
   He points across the deteriorating trains, towards the outermost track of
   the overgrown train yard. A small roof &ndash; or in places what remains
@@ -23,13 +24,11 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   They climb back down and make their way over to one of the tank cars.
-  Jack clmbs onto the side of the car and attempts to use the ladder
+  Jack clmbs onto the end of the car and attempts to use the ladder
   leading to the top. It crumbles under his feet.
   <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down &ndash; hey, use
-  me as a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her on top of
+  me as a ladder instead.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her
-  it.
+  on top of it.
-  <span class="comment">Wording!! &quot;ladder&quot; and &quot;helps&quot;
-  reads weird twice in a row</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Michelle inspects the lid. It&apos;s held on with large nuts.<br />
@@ -45,8 +44,8 @@
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m afraid to see what you call very
   rusty.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">This thing, for example.</span><br />
-  He hits the ladder with it, causing a large section of it to break off
+  He hits the ladder with it, causing a large section to break off and
-  and crumble. Then, he hands her the wrench. After a bit of fiddling, she
+  crumble. Then, he hands her the wrench. After a bit of fiddling, she
   manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the lid in place
   &ndash; it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Need a hammer or something?</span><br />
@@ -55,34 +54,37 @@
   Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and passes it to her. Putting it
   over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the
   bolt snaps with a bang.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s certainly one of the ways to undo
+  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s certainly one of the ways to
-  a nut</span>, she says before moving on to the next one.
+  unbolt this thing...</span> she says before moving on to the next one.
 </p>
 <p>
   One by one, she removes the other nuts. Some of them snap off, some
   unscrew with considerable force. She lets go of the pipe and attempts
   to lift the lid &ndash; it&apos;s still stuck in place. Using the wrench
-  as a hammer, she whacks it until it comes loose.<br />
+  as a hammer, she whacks it until it comes loose...<br />
   <span class="quote speech">There&apos;s nothing in here.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech"><i>Great.</i> I guess there are a bunch more
-  we can try...</span> <span class="comment">needs a better reaction, may
+  we can try.</span> <span class="comment">needs a better reaction, may
   want to state disappointment explicitly</span><br />
-  She jumps down onto the edge of the car.<br />
+  She jumps back down onto the end of the car.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Looks like we&apos;ll be climbing a bunch of
   tank cars today.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s see about that... Mind giving me
   the wrench for a moment?</span><br />
-  She hands it back to Jack. He uses it to knock against the wall of the
+  She hands it back to Jack. He jumps over the gap between cars and uses
-  next tank.<br />
+  it to knock against the wall of the next tank.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sounds empty.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   The third tank seems more promising. It only makes a dull <i>clunk</i>
-  when Jack hits it with the wrench. He helps Michelle on top again.
+  when Jack hits it with the wrench. Michelle climbs on top again.
   The nuts on this one come off more easily and it doesn&apos;t take
   long until she lifts the lid.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Jackpot! Smells like diesel.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Jackpot!</span> She sniffs the smell coming
-  <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea but I need to show you
+  off the liquid inside. <span class="quote speech">Smells like
+  diesel.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Nice! Let&apos;s find a truck or something
+  to drive around in... Wait, stupid idea but I need to show you
   something.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh no, what are you up to again?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nothing in particular... Wanna follow me for a