'ja' Erosion: revision, fill in a gap

ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html

@@ -14,53 +14,60 @@
   She raises her head and Jack hands her a glass. After taking a couple
   sips, she sets it down, unsure whether it helps or makes it worse, and
   rests her head again.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a while.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a while.</span><br />
+  He sits down next to her, about half a meter away.
 </p>
 <p>
   A few minutes later, she lifts up her head again:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">What year is it? ... and what&apos;s our
+  <span class="quote speech">What year is it? ... and what&apos;s the
   mission?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six. There is no explicit
   mission, uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You&apos;re kidding.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nope.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How&apos;d you get woken up then?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Technical failure. My preservation chamber
+  <span class="quote speech">Technical failure. The preservation chamber
   died.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You survived that?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That was the least of my challenges.</span>
+  He chuckles. <span class="quote speech">That was the least of my
-  <br />
+  challenges.</span>
-  He chuckles and briefly tells her how he found himself trapped inside,
+  He briefly tells her how he found himself trapped inside and that he
-  that one of the computer&apos;s hard drives is broken, and how he turned
+  turned to the dome city for help.
-  to the dome city for help.
 </p>
 <p>
   Michelle&apos;s dizziness starts to go away and the burning sensation
   in her body begins to fade. She slowly gets up, takes a few cautious
   steps forward to the table, and leans on it.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">So? What now? Any plans?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I guess, for now, taking a look at the uplink.
+  Jack gets up as well and picks up the glass.<br />
-  I wanna see if we can fix it.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess, for now, taking a look at the
-  Michelle thinks for a moment.<br />
+  uplink. I wanna see if we can get it going again.</span><br />
+  He sets the glass on the table.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Thanks.</span><br />
+  She thinks for a moment.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Assuming we can fix it... Then what?</span>
+  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Honestly, I don&apos;t know. Maybe they have
+  something to do for us, maybe they don&apos;t. I&apos;m&nbsp;just curious
+  about the state of things up there.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sounds good &ndash; but I don&apos;t feel
   quite ready for a hike like that.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Take your time, you just woke up.</span><br />
-  She pulls back one of the chairs and sits down. Jack picks up her glass
+  She pulls back one of the chairs, sits down, and takes another sip.<br />
-  and sets it down on the table.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">If we can&apos;t fix it... The people who
-  <span class="quote speech">Thanks.</span><br />
+  helped you, do you think they&apos;d help us with the uplink too?</span>
-  She takes another sip.<br />
+  <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">The people who helped you, do you think
+  <span class="quote speech">Don&apos;t know if they would, but they
-  they&apos;d help us with the uplink too?</span><br />
+  can&apos;t. They&apos;re stuck inside the dome city and want our
-  <span class="quote speech">Don&apos;t know, but they can&apos;t.
+  help.</span><br />
-  They&apos;re stuck inside the dome city and need our help.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How? Even if the tunnels have collapsed,
-  I can think of quite a few other ways to break&nbsp;out.</span><br />
+  I can think of a few other ways to break&nbsp;out.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">From what I know, they aren&apos;t physically
   trapped inside, the people in charge just don&apos;t want anyone to
   leave.</span><br />
-  Jack sits down as well and retells everything that happened in detail,
+  Jack sits down across from her and retells everything that had happened
-  starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. It takes him about
+  in detail, starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down.
-  an hour, including answering Michelles questions.
+  It takes him about half an hour, including answering Michelles questions.
 </p>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">How have you been dealing with food?
@@ -73,7 +80,7 @@
   potatoes. Want some?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Now that you ask, I&apos;m slowly getting
   hungry. Did you make your usual spicy dip?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Yup.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Yup &mdash; well...</span><br />
   He gets up and walks over to the kitchen area, grabs a small bowl filled
   with a dark red-ish paste, and sets it on the table.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I had to improvise a little because of
@@ -88,10 +95,15 @@
   and puts it back in the oven to re-heat them.
 </p>
 <p>
-  After the meal, they step outside and Michelle gets her first look
+  After the meal, they go to the bunker entrance and Jack opens the door
-  around.<br />
+  by touching a thick cable to one of the lugs on the motor. Sparks fly
+  and the door moves up into the ceiling. Michelle gets her first look
+  outside. The sky is a clear blue and the sun hits the other side of
+  the valley.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oddly familiar, and yet so different.</span>
   <br />
+  She hesitates for a moment before stepping onto the cracked pavement
+  in front of the bunker.<br />
   <span class="comment">the scene where Jack opens the door should
   have a short description of the lay of the lands</span><br />
   The two decide to walk up to a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>
@@ -100,25 +112,41 @@
   <span class="comment">who? whom? which?</span> remains to behold its
   overgrown ruins.
   <br />
+  <span class="comment">Jack is from Sentinel Shores.</span><br />
   Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I mean I knew it already but
   seeing it like this just hits differently.</span><br />
+  They sit down on a large rock in the shade of a small, lone tree and
+  take in the view. Michelle takes some time to fully process her new
+  reality.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="comment">ToDo: tie this back together</span><br />
+  After a long while, she says: <span class="quote speech">Okay,
-  Following what remains of an old path, the two start making their way up
+  let&apos;s go take a look at that uplink.</span><br />
-  the mountain above the bunker. The path is narrow and winded, overgrown,
+  The two get up and walk back towards the bunker, looking for a path
-  and has partially disappeared. Jack walks ahead, only half following it,
+  somewhere to the left of it.<br />
-  half making it up as he goes. Michelle struggles to follow, slowly
+  Jack points to a structure a decent bit up the mountain and says:
-  falling behind. After a while, he stops abruptly, looking down at
+  <span class="quote speech">I think that&apos;s it.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Oh wow, there isn&apos;t much left.</span>
+  <br />
+  Jack points at a few other things below it.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I think these are also part of it.</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  They make their way over and, following what remains of the path, the two
+  start making their way up. The path is narrow and winded, and overgrown
+  where it hasn&apos;t disappeared entirely. Jack walks ahead, only half
+  following it, half making it up as he goes. Michelle struggles to follow,
+  slowly falling behind. After a while, he stops abruptly, looking down at
   something, then up, then down again. Then, he turns to Michelle who is
-  just catching up and says:
+  just catching up and says:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Well, that could be a reason why
-  the uplink is down &ndash; it literally <i>is down</i>...</span>.
+  the uplink is down &ndash; it literally ...<i>is&nbsp;down</i>...</span>
+  <br />
   Michelle reaches the edge and and sees what Jack had stopped for:
-  A large <span class="comment">ravine? wash?</span> extends towards the
+  A large <span class="comment">ravine? wash?</span> extends downwards
-  top of the mountain where a landslide had left nothing but a cliff and
+  from the top of the mountain where a landslide had left nothing but
-  a huge pile of rubble. At the top of the mountain, teetering on the
+  a cliff and a huge pile of rubble. At the top of the mountain, teetering
-  edge, are two buildings &ndash; all that&apos;s left of the ground
+  on the edge, are two buildings &ndash; all that&apos;s left of the ground
   station. The rest of the buildings and the dish lay strewn around
   in pieces down below.
 </p>