'mc' Welcome Home: major revision, continue writing

mc-welcome_home.html

@@ -4,62 +4,111 @@
 
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">I smell fire.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">We&apos;re almost there.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Yup, we&apos;re almost there.</span><br />
   Annie is slightly confused by his answer and how seemingly unfazed he is.
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Don&apos;t you want to do something about
   it?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Fires out here aren&apos;t all bad news.
-  Some are, but I&apos;m gonna guess this one&apos;s our campfire.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Gonna guess that&apos;s our campfire &ndash;
+  nothing to worry about.</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">response?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie and Jack walk over a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>,
-  revealing a view of the small valley
-  beyond. The large, open bunker door is visible on the other side,
-  with bushes to the left and right and an open area in front of it that
-  connects to an old, partially overgrown street. A person is sitting
-  next to a fire right in front of the door, cooking over the flames.<br />
-  <span class="comment">Is there a word for a terrain feature like a very
-  small valley?</span>
+  revealing a view of the small valley beyond.
+  <span class="comment">Is there a distinct word for a terrain feature
+  like a very small valley?</span><br />
+  The bunker is set into the mountain on the other side, the large open
+  door visible from afar. There is a small cleared space between it and
+  the road, surrounded by bushes. Someone is sitting there, next to
+  a fire.<br />
+  <span class="comment">lay of the land info (for Jack opening the door
+  scene): from their current PoV, there is a road below them, coming from
+  the right, crossing the the valley over a bridge, and turning back
+  to the right where it passes the bunker and continues around the other
+  mountain</span><br />
+  They start making their way down to the road.<br />
+  Jack takes a radio off his belt and speaks into it:
+  <span class="comment">research todo: radio protocol</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Michelle, we&apos;re just entering the
+  valley.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">We? Someone came along?</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">wording? translate: mitgekommen</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Annie.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I see. Am cooking &ndash; any food allergies
+  or other dietary restrictions I should watch out for?</span><br />
+  Annie shakes her head.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">She says no.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, see you in a bit.</span><br />
+  Jack puts the radio away and the two continue downwards.
 </p>
 <p>
-  They make their way across and Jack introduces Michelle and Annie to each
-  other.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">So you join us out here after all?</span><br />
+  It takes them a while to get to the road. The pavement is cracked with
+  plants growing out of it. Ahead of them is a bridge over a small river.
+  They cross it about half-way where Annie stops and turns to the railing.
+  She almost leans against it, before the thought
+  <span class="quote non-speech">What if it breaks?</span> shoots into her
+  head. She grabs on to it and shakes ... herself. The railing stands firm.
+  <br />
+  <span class="comment">At some point soon-ish after this, Annie will try
+  this and the floor under her will give out. From then on, she will be
+  afraid of going too close to railings / edges.</span><br />
+  Jack joins her looking down at the small river below and says:
+  <span class="quote speech">Learning quickly, huh?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech"></span>
+  <span class="comment">What she got to say? What she seeing?</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  After a moment, they continue along the road. It makes a sharp turn to
+  the right into a slight incline along the hillside. They walk for a few
+  more minutes and reach the bunker. As they approach, the person they saw
+  earlier &ndash; presumably Michelle &ndash; comes out of the bunker and
+  adds some ingredients to a pot on a tripod over the flames.
+  <span class="comment">Is there a word for these metal rings with three
+  legs?</span>
+  Jack introduces the two to each other &ndash; it <i>is</i> Michelle.
+  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">So you join us out here after all?</span>
+  <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Yeah, things kinda went south quickly.</span>
   </br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Well then, welcome to your new home for the
+  time being.</span>
   They all sit down around the fire and Annie recounts the events of the
   recent past while the meal continues cooking.
 </p>
 <p>
-  A noise in the bushes around the bunker entrance gets their attention.
+  The ensuing conversation is interrupted by a noise in the bushes.
   Michelle tilts her head, then turns around.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Is that a dog? There&apos;s a dog here!</span>
   <br />
-  A medium-sized, brown dog runs out, barks and then runs back into the
-  bushes. A moment later, it reappears, followed by a guy wearing a long,
-  dark green coat that has been patched a few times. He is wearing a
-  backpack and holds a long staff, using it as a
+  A medium-sized, brown dog runs out, sniffs them all, barks and then runs
+  off on the road, disappearing around a <span class="comment">translate:
+  Felsvorsprung</span>. A moment later, it comes back, followed by a guy
+  wearing a long, dark green coat that has been patched a few times.
+  He is wearing a backpack and holds a long staff, using it as a
   <span class="comment">Wanderstab? Cane?</span>.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Good evening!</span><br />
-  They greet the stranger back and Michelle and Jack invite him to stay.
-  <br />
+  The stranger says: <span class="quote speech">Good evening!</span><br />
+  They greet him back and Michelle and Jack invite him to join them around
+  the fire.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Gladly.</span> He comes closer.
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m James, the green wizard of
   Siren&apos;s&nbsp;Edge.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Michelle, time traveller. Can you show us
-  some of your magic?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Well, currently no, my staff is broken.</span>
-  He swings it around and makes some funny noises.
+  <span class="quote speech">Michelle, time traveling witch. Show us some
+  of your magic, wizard.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Well, unfortunately, my staff is broken.</span>
+  <br />
+  He swings it around and makes some funny noises.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">See? Not working.</span><br />
   They all have a laugh and Annie and Jack introduce themselves in a more
-  normal manner. Michelle asks:<br />
+  normal manner.<br />
+  Michelle asks:
   <span class="quote speech">What leads you to the area?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I am searching for... &emsp;&emsp; Dora!
   C&apos;mere, sit!</span><br />
-  The dog stops sniffing the pots over the fire and returns to James.<br />
+  The dog stops sniffing the pot over the fire and returns to James.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">As I was saying, I am looking for pictures
   from the old world like this one...</span><br />
   He shows an old, crumpled photo that, while faded and discolored, still
@@ -70,7 +119,7 @@
   <span class="comment">This is a new lead for Michelle and Jack.</span>
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  Michelle takes the pots off the fire and Jack gets dishes from inside
+  Michelle takes the pot off the fire and Jack gets dishes from inside
   the bunker.<br />
   (Some of) The food is unfamiliar to Annie.<br />
   While eating, they discuss their mission.