'pa' Bare necessities: revision, tie things better together

pa-Bare_Necessities.html

@@ -4,33 +4,27 @@
 <p>
   Jack is driving the truck towards a dried-out river. On the other side,
   a bit in the distance, is a group of houses that &ndash; while they
-  <span class="comment">certainly have? have certainly?</span> seen better
+  have certainly seen better days &ndash; don&apos;t look abandoned.
-  days &ndash; don&apos;t look abandoned. Jack says
+  Jack says to Annie: <span class="quote speech">Hold on!
-  <span class="quote speech">Hold on!
+  <span class="comment">translate: Festhalten!</span></span>
-  <span class="comment">Festhalten?</span></span> and drives into the
+  Then, he drives into the river bed.
-  river bed.
-  <br />
-  <span class="comment">TODO: mention Annie in this paragraph</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  The truck struggles to get traction while driving up the other river
+  The truck struggles to get traction in the sand while driving up
-  bank, eventually getting stuck in the sand. He backs up and turns into
+  the other river bank. It gets stuck. Jack backs up and
-  the river, accelerates, then steers back onto the bank &ndash; to no
+  turns into the river, accelerates, then steers back onto the bank
-  avail, the truck gets stuck again.<br />
+  &ndash; to no avail, the truck gets stuck again.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Well... fuck.</span><br />
   He turns back into the river once more. The engine roars and the wheels
   fling sand everywhere. Jack shifts gears, the needle on the speedometer
   slowly creeps up, then he goes for another attempt. The suspension
-  bottoms out as the wheels plow into the river bank, but the truck does
+  bottoms out as the wheels plow into the sand, but the truck barely makes
-  barely make it out.<br />
+  it out.<br />
-
-
-
   <span class="quote speech">Ouch.</span> Annie holds her shoulder where
   the seat belt had dug into it. <span class="quote speech">Can we not do
   that again, please?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;ll... try to keep it in mind,
+  <span class="quote speech">Sorry. I&apos;ll... try to keep it in
-  sorry.</span><br />
+  mind.</span><br />
   He turns around and drives onto the overgrown remains of a road leading
   towards the settlement.
 </p>
@@ -43,31 +37,26 @@
   and pets the dog.<br />
   Jack says: <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m gonna be inside.
   <span class="comment">more elegant way of saying &quot;I need to take a
-  piss.</span> Hopefully, they have a toilet.</span>
+  piss.</span> Hopefully, they have a toilet.</span><br />
-
+  He disappears into the store. Annie picks up the stick, gets up and
-
+  holds it just out of reach of the dog. It jumps back and forth a couple
-
+  times, looking at her.<br />
-
-  
-  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;ll be right there.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Okay.</span> Jack disappears into the store.
-  She picks up the stick, gets up and holds it just out of reach of the
-  dog. It jumps back and forth a couple times looking at her.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">You wanna play fetch, do you?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  Annie throws the stick a few times, then she follows Jack into the store.
+  Annie plays with the dog for a bit, then she follows Jack into the store.
   Its shelves are sparsely stocked with a random assortment of things,
   roughly sorted into categories:
   Hand tools, boxes full of hardware, household chemicals, bars of soap,
   a few clocks and watches, books, and more. Half of the store seems to be
-  dedicated to food though the shelves are mostly empty. Behind the counter
+  dedicated to food &ndash; though the shelves are mostly empty.
-  is a man who appears to be in his 60s, talking to Jack:<br />
+  In the back is a counter. Jack is talking to the man behind it who
-  <span class="quote speech">No, we don&apos;t sell food. What you see
+  appears to be in his 60s.<br />
-  there is strictly rationed. Since the <span class="comment">river name
+  The man says: <span class="quote speech">No, we don&apos;t sell food.
-  </span> has changed course, we don&apos;t even have enough water to grow
+  What you see there is strictly rationed. Since the <span class="comment"
-  crops for ourselves. The cisterns and wells simply don&apos;t
+  >river name</span> has changed course, we don&apos;t even have enough
-  cut it.</span><br />
+  water to grow crops for ourselves. The cisterns and wells simply
+  don&apos;t cut it.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Okay... What if we supplied you with
   water?</span><br />
   The man interrupts the conversation and looks at Annie:<br />
@@ -79,19 +68,18 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Listen, the amount of water we need can&apos;t
   simply be carried here or we&apos;d do it ourselves. And we need it
   constantly and consistently, not just once.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I know you need an industrial quantity of
+  <span class="quote speech">I understand that. You need an industrial
-  water. We can get you an industrial quantity of water. Will you give us
+  quantity of water. Will you provide food if we supply it?</span><br />
-  food if we supply you?</span><br />
   He musters Jack for a moment.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Who is <i>we</i> and how do you wanna
   accomplish that?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">We are a small group of people living in
+  <span class="quote speech">We&apos;re a small group of people living in
   a bunker south of Ivydale. Two of us have extensive knowledge of
   old&nbsp;world technology that we can put to use.</span><br />
   The man looks at him with skepticism.<br />
   Jack continues: <span class="quote speech">Let the <i>how</i> be my
-  problem to solve. If we make it happen, will you supply us with
+  problem to solve. If we make it happen, will you give us food?</span>
-  food?</span><br />
+  <br />
   <span class="quote speech">You&apos;re gonna have to discuss that with
   the others. Wait outside.</span><br />
   He disappears through a door behind the counter. Annie and Jack leave
@@ -100,17 +88,17 @@
   Sounds like you have a grand plan already.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Not really, but I&apos;m pretty sure I will
   within the hour. If all else fails, we could fix up a flatbed
-  truck, bolt a tank to it, and drive it here.</span>
+  truck, bolt a tank to it, and do supply runs.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  While they wait, the small dog runs up again. They play fetch for a bit
+  While they wait, the small dog runs up again. They play fetch until
-  until a group of people, amongst them the man from the store, approaches
+  a group of people approaches, the man from the store among them.
-  them. A few handshakes later, Jack repeats his suggestion. A man in his
+  A few handshakes later, Jack repeats his suggestion. A man in his 40s,
-  40s, who seems to be in charge, says:
+  who seems to be in charge, says:
   <span class="quote speech">Your intentions are ... ambitious. I doubt
-  you can do it but I don&apos;t see any harm in agreeing. <i>If</i> you
+  you can do it but I don&apos;t see why we shouldn&apos;t let you try.
-  manage to restore a permanent water supply, you can have all the food
+  <i>If</i> you manage to restore a permanent water supply, you can have
-  you want.</span><br />
+  all the food you want.</span><br />
   Someone else throws in: <span class="quote speech">Within reason.</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Yes, within reason. Any objections?</span>
@@ -122,42 +110,41 @@
   Jack replies before the one in charge gets a chance:
   <span class="quote speech">We need to feed maybe ten people for a few
   months while we establish a settlement in the south of Ivydale.</span>
-
-
-
-
   <br />
   The one in charge responds: <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s a lot.
-  Let&apos;s say two months.</span><br />
+  Let&apos;s say one month.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Okay.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">We&apos;ll need at least two.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Then we have a deal.</span><br />
+  A few members of the group discuss among themselves for a moment.
-</p>
+  Then, the one in charge turns to Jack again:<br />
-<p>
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, we have a deal.</span><br />
-  A few people keep questioning the feasibility until Jack puts a stop
+  A few people keep questioning Jack and the feasibility of his idea.<br />
-  to it:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Ladies and gentlemen, whether it can be done
   will be our problem. Now I would like to see what we have to work with.
-  Can I have a look at that irrigation system?</span><br />
+  Do you have an irrigation system?</span><br />
-  The one in charge turns to a girl:
+  The one in charge responds: <span class="quote speech">Yes, old pipes
+  in the ground.</span> He turns to a girl:
   <span class="quote speech">Mary, can you go, show them around?</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sure.</span> She takes a step towards Annie
-  and Jack. <span class="quote speech">Follow me. The closest access point
+  and Jack. <span class="quote speech">Follow me.</span>
-  is right there, behind the store.</span><br />
+</p>
+<p>
+  Mary says: <span class="quote speech">The closest access point is right
+  there, behind the store.</span><br />
   They walk around it and onto a field of <span class="comment">withering?
   </span> plants. A large, partially buried pipe with just the top exposed
   goes through it with an access hatch roughly in the center of the field.
   Right next to the hatch is a <span class="comment">Gestell?</span> with
   a boom to lower a large bucket into the access hatch.<br />
-  Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Is it all like this, a net of
+  Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Is it all like this, buried pipes
-  buried pipes?</span><br />
+  going to fields?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Mostly. In the greenhouses, it&apos;s just
   an open <span class="comment">channel?</span>.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Where do these pipes lead?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">They all connect to a large
-  <span class="comment">round buried tank</span> from where another pipe
+  <span class="comment">round buried tank</span> from where a tunnel
-  leads to the intake. It&apos;s a bit of a walk but I can show you.</span>
+  connects to the inlet. It&apos;s a bit of a walk but I can show
-  <br />
+  you.</span><br />
   She gestures for them to follow but Jack stops her:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Wait, we can take the truck.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s <i>your</i> car?</span><br />