'ja' Erosion: Revision

ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html

@@ -2,75 +2,103 @@
 
 <h1>Erosion</h1>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Morning Michelle!</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Morning, Michelle!</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Ugh.</span><br />
   She feels dizzy and her body is filled with a burning sensation.
-  She takes a step out of her preservation chamber and sits down on the
+  She stumbles forward, out of her preservation chamber, and sits down
-  floor in front of it, putting her arms over her knees to rest her head.
+  on the floor in front of it, putting her arms over her knees to rest
+  her head.
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m gonna ... need a moment.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Water?</span><br />
   She raises her head and Jack hands her a glass. After taking a couple
   sips, she sets it down, unsure whether it helps or makes it worse, and
   rests her head again.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a moment.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a while.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  After a while, she lifts up her head again:<br />
+  A few minutes later, she lifts up her head again:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">What year is it? ... and what&apos;s our
   mission?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six. We don&apos;t have an
+  <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six. There is no explicit
-  explicit mission, uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
+  mission, uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You&apos;re kidding.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nope.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">How&apos;d you get woken up then?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Technical failure.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Technical failure. My preservation chamber
+  died.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You survived that?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">That was the least of my challenges.</span>
   <br />
-  Jack briefly recounts his side of the events of the past
+  He chuckles and briefly tells her how he found himself trapped inside
-  <span class="comment">amount of time</span> as well as some of the things
+  and that the people of the dome city helped him repair the door.
-  he had read in the logs or talked about with Annie.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Michelle&apos;s dizziness goes away and the burning sensation in her body
+  Michelle&apos;s dizziness starts to go away and the burning sensation
-  begins to fade. She slowly gets up, takes a few cautious steps forward to
+  in her body begins to fade. She slowly gets up, takes a few cautious
-  the table, and leans on it.<br />
+  steps forward to the table, and leans on it.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">So?</span> She looks at Jack.
+  <span class="quote speech">So? What now? Any plans?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">What now? Any plans?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess, for now, taking a look at the uplink.
-  <span class="quote speech">I guess, for now, exploring the area and
+  I wanna see if we can fix it.</span><br />
-  taking a look at the uplink. I wanna see if we can fix it.</span><br />
   Michelle thinks for a moment.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Sorry but I don&apos;t quite feel ready for
+  <span class="quote speech">Sounds good &ndash; but I don&apos;t feel
-  a hike like that. I&apos;m gonna need a little bit longer.</span><br />
+  quite ready for a hike like that.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Take your time.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Take your time, you just woke up.</span><br />
+  She pulls back one of the chairs and sits down. Jack picks up her glass
+  and sets it down on the table.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Thanks.</span><br />
+  She takes another sip.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">The people who helped you, do you think
+  they&apos;d help us with the uplink too?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Don&apos;t know, but they can&apos;t.
+  They&apos;re stuck inside the dome city and need our help.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">How? Even if the tunnels have collapsed,
+  I can think of quite a few other ways to break&nbsp;out.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">From what I know, they aren&apos;t physically
+  trapped inside, the people in charge just don&apos;t want anyone to
+  leave.</span><br />
+  Jack sits down as well and retells everything that happened in detail,
+  starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. It takes him about
+  an hour, including answering Michelles questions.
 </p>
+<p class="comment">ToDo: tie this together</p>
 <p>
-  After a short pause, Jack walks over to the kitchen area, saying:
+  <span class="quote speech">How have you been dealing with food?
-  <span class="quote speech">If you want, I got some leftover baked potato
+  I imagine the stockpile was already pretty low?</span><br />
-  wedges...</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Actually not, the others seem to have mostly
-  <span class="quote speech">Ooh yeah, something to eat would be really
+  hunted and foraged for themselves.</span><br />
-  nice right now. Did you make your usual spicy dip to go with them?</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">I wonder what they found to still be
-  <br />
+  edible...</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Speaking of food, I got leftover baked
+  potatoes. Want some?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Now that you ask, I&apos;m slowly getting
+  hungry. Did you make your usual spicy dip?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Yup.</span><br />
-  He places a small bowl filled with a dark red paste on the table.
+  He gets up and walks over to the kitchen area, grabs a small bowl filled
-  Then, he takes the <span class="comment">Backblech?</span> with the
+  with a dark red-ish paste, and sets it on the table.<br />
-  wedges and puts it in the oven to reheat them.
+  <span class="quote speech">I had to improvise a little because of
+  a distinct lack of fresh ingredients but I think it still turned out
+  pretty good.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Oh wow, that looks almost kinda scary.</span>
+  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">The flakes they left us just aren&apos;t
+  the same as fresh peppers. I had to add <i>a lot</i> to get even close
+  to the usual spiciness.</span><br />
+  He grabs the <span class="comment">Backblech?</span> with potatoes
+  and puts it back in the oven to re-heat them.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Michelle turns around and picks up the glass off the floor before sitting
-  down at the table.
   <span class="comment">Idk they eat, guess I&apos;ll need to describe that
-  in a bit more detail... Then they get ready to leave.</span>
+  in a bit more detail... Michelle might be having a really good and really
+  bad time at the same time. Jack eats like three of them potatoes with
+  roughly a ton of the dip. Then they get ready to leave.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   They step outside and, following what remains of the old path, start
   walking. It is narrow and winded, overgrown, and has partially
   disappeared. Jack walks ahead, only half following the path, half making
   it up as he goes. Michelle struggles to follow, slowly falling behind.
-</p>
+  After a while, he stops abruptly, looking down at something, then up,
-<p>
-  After a while, Jack stops abruptly, looking down at something, then up,
   then down again. Then, he turns to Michelle who is catching up to him
   and says: <span class="quote speech">Well, that could be a reason why
   the uplink is down &ndash; it literally <i>is down</i>...</span>.