*: minor revisions everywhere, part 1

I asked AI for feedback because no human will sit down and go through this
with a fine-tooth comb and nit-pick everything.
Feel free to prove me wrong here, I would much prefer human feedback.

This is part of all the random minor language fixes I made as a result.

For more information, read the file ai_use.txt in the Git repository.

ai_use.xt

@@ -0,0 +1,27 @@
+I take pride in writing New Dawn myself. No LLM output is used in
+the creative process. LLM output is never used directly.
+
+Unfortunately, I have to fall back to LLMs for feedback due to a lack of
+people reading my stuff. I don't like doing that, so please feel free to
+replace AI by reading everything thoroughly and giving feedback.
+Any feedback is welcome. The more extensive/detailed the better. Even if
+it's just a list of typos or "You stink, go take a shower"...
+
+With that said, here is how I use AI:
+- start a new chat
+- paste prompt from below
+- paste HTML file
+- ignore suggestions on story content / events (if any)
+- [optional] ask for more vocabulary / wording suggestions
+- take notes on
+  - vocabulary suggestions (verify as needed)
+  - wording suggeststions
+  - flow issues (only where I agree with them)
+- reword wording suggestions in my own words
+- revise chapters
+
+Prompt:
+The following is a chapter taken from a larger work-in-progress story called New Dawn. Thoughts? Criticisms?
+
+Any HTML comments are notes to self, you can generally ignore those. <span class="comment"> are author's notes, usually where I need to work on stuff and want to give potential beta readers a heads-up. You can assume these will be addressed sooner or later and need no comment - except when they are vocabulary questions (English is not my first language).
+There are previous chapters, so some things will be missing context.

ea-RTFM.html

@@ -7,11 +7,10 @@
   Annie arrives at a house with multiple ground-level entrances.
   She rings one of the doorbells and waits. Nobody answers. She checks
   that it is the right door – yes, this is grandpa Karl's
-  apartment. She rings again. A window on <span class="comment">in?</span>
+  apartment. She rings again. Still nothing. She hears a window being opened
-  one of the adjacent houses opens and she hears Isabelle quietly calling
+  and Isabelle quietly calling her from one of the adjacent houses:<br />
-  her:<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Annie, we&apos;re over here.</span><br />
-  She walks over.<br />
+  She looks over, then walks up to the window.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Which door?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Number 15, I&apos;ll let you in.</span><br />
 </p>
@@ -19,40 +18,38 @@
   Lucas and Karl are also inside.
   <br />
   Karl says: <span class="quote speech">We needed a little more space.
-  This place has been <span class="comment">vacant</span> forever, might
+  This place has been vacant forever, might as well use it.</span><br />
-  as well use it.</span><br />
   Annie slides her shoes off and leans her bag against the wall. Then,
   they go into the living room where cables and computer parts are all over
   the floor. Lucas sits in front of the rack between two opened boxes.
   The rack&apos;s side panels had been removed, revealing the devices
   mounted inside and the cables connecting them. Lucas is pushing a circuit
   board into a half-assembled metal box that hangs out the front. Karl goes
-  over to a stool next to the rack, carefully avoiding stepping on things,
+  over to a stool next to the rack, cautiously avoiding stepping on things,
   and sits down.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Annie sits down next to Lucas and watches as he carefully
+  Annie sits down on the floor next to Lucas and watches as he carefully
-  <span class="comment">synonym for careful?</span> inserts another
+  inserts another board. Karl is reading from a binder of documentation
-  board. Karl is reading from a binder of documentation and tells him to
+  and tells him to set some tiny switches on its front edge.<br />
-  set some tiny switches on its front edge.<br />
   While grabbing the next board, Lucas says:
   <span class="quote speech">Annie, can you take these and prepare the DIP
   switches?</span><br />
   He pushes the box over to her. It contains four circuit boards, all
   identical.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Uhm, okay.</span>
-  She takes one of the boards out and looks at it. It&apos;s full of
+  She takes one out and looks at it closely. It&apos;s full of electronic
-  electronic components on both sides and one of the edges holds a tiny red
+  components on both sides and one of the edges holds a tiny red box with
-  box with an even tinier row of switches on it.<br />
+  an even tinier row of switches on it.<br />
-  <span class="comment">Above is a bad description. Need naive description
+  <span class="comment">Above is a meh description. Need naive description
   of DIP switches from someone who doesn&apos;t know.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">So what do I set them to?</span><br />
   Karl tells her a combination and she tries to push the switches up or
   down as needed with her finger nails.<br />
-  Lucas says <span class="quote speech">Here, use this.</span> and hands
+  Lucas says <span class="quote speech">Here, use this.</span><br />
-  her a pen.<br />
+  He hands her a ballpoint pen. Using it to flip the switches, she sets
-  Using it to flip the switches, she sets the combination Karl says, then
+  the combination Karl says, then hands the board over to Lucas and grabs
-  hands the board over to Lucas and grabs the next one.
+  the next one.
 </p>
 <p>
   Karl takes the racks&apos;s power cable and plugs it in. Isabelle gets

ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html

@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@
   leave.</span><br />
   Jack sits down across from her and retells everything that had happened,
   starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. It takes him about
-  half an hour, including answering Michelles questions.
+  half an hour, including answering Michelle&apos;s questions.
 </p>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">How have you been dealing with food?
@@ -108,11 +108,10 @@
   in front of the bunker.<br />
   <span class="comment">the scene where Jack opens the door should
   have a short description of the lay of the lands</span><br />
-  The two decide to walk up to a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>
+  The two decide to walk up to a ridge not far from them on the other side
-  not far from them on the other side of the valley. Beyond it is Ivydale,
+  of the valley. Beyond it is Ivydale, once a large city housing just over
-  once a large city housing just over a million people &ndash; only one of
+  a million people &ndash; only one of whom remains to behold its overgrown
-  whom remains to behold its overgrown ruins.
+  ruins.<br />
-  <br />
   <span class="comment">Jack is from Sentinel Shores.</span><br />
   Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I mean I knew it already but
   seeing it like this just hits differently.</span><br />

km-ran_when_parked.html

@@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ going with this so I'll just leave it in here, commented out.
   through the pages while Michelle jumps out and stops the generator.
   He begins to undo <span class="comment">knowledge gap here: How
   does that work? What do you undo to fix a gunked-up fuel injection?
-  Also, do/did diesel engines have a carb?</span>
+  </span>
 </p>
 <p>
   After <span class="comment">cleaning out gunk and doing some makeshift
@@ -109,10 +109,11 @@ going with this so I'll just leave it in here, commented out.
 <p>
   A few hours pass as they fix up a bunch of other small things around
   the train and put the floor panels back in. While climbing around the
-  storage shelves in the <span class="comment">hall/hangar?</span>, he
+  storage shelves in the hall, he finds a crate of dried-out lead-acid
-  finds a crate of dried-out lead-acid batteries. After adding some water
+  batteries. After adding some water and letting them sit for a while
-  and letting them sit for a while to dissolve the acid, he shoves them
+  to dissolve the acid, he shoves them into the battery compartment and
-  into the battery compartment and connects the cables.<br />
+  connects the cables.<br />
+  <!-- Is hall the correct translation for Halle? -->
   <span class="quote speech">Michelle, can you turn the switch?</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nothing.</span><br />

ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html

@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@
   She breaks out of her freeze. The train had turned out to be a single
   car. A single, slightly rusty railcar painted in shades of dark
   blue. <span class="comment">note: make it a theme that the metro is
-  always yellow and red</span> The only person inside is the guy who had
+  always yellow and red</span> The only person inside is the guy who
   called out to her, turning away from the door he had just opened.
   His Neotek jacket flaps in the air as he runs towards the other end of
   the train &ndash; that has to be Jack. The motors begin to hum while
@@ -114,7 +114,7 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   The screams of the police and technicians are drowned out by the hissing
-  of pressurized air and the <i>ka-chonk</i> of large machinery.
+  of pressurized air and the heavy clunk of large machinery.
   <span class="quote speech">Access authorized, cycling airlock, please
   stand by</span>, announces an automated voice. The bunker door behind
   them starts to move with a creaking noise. The

na-Telescope.html

@@ -20,18 +20,21 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   The pavement is cracked and has potholes, and the highway is partially
-  overgrown but, despite this, its condition is somehow good enough.
+  overgrown. Despite this, its condition is somehow good enough.
   Michelle floors it and the truck rattles and shakes as it accelerates
   on the uneven asphalt. James is occupied with calming down Dora for
-  a momenr. Eventually, even though she is really too big for that, he
+  <!-- "calming down" / just "calming"? -->
-  takes her on his lap so she can look outside.<br />
+  a moment. Eventually, even though she is really too big for that, he
-  As he looks back up, he says: <span class="quote speech">Holy shit!
+  takes her on his lap so she can look outside. He looks back up.<br />
-  How are you not absolutely terrified by this?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Holy shit! How are you not absolutely
+  terrified by this?</span><br />
   Michelle responds: <span class="quote speech">You get used to it... Also,
   I know very well what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash;
-  I used to drive the same back then.</span>
+  I used to drive the same back then.</span><br />
-  She glances over at him and adds: <span class="quote speech">Relax, that
+  He holds onto the handle in the door with one hand while trying to hold
-  seat belt is gonna hold you.</span>
+  Dora with the other.<br />
+  Michelle glances over at him and adds: <span class="quote speech">Relax,
+  that seat belt is gonna hold you, you gotta hold Dora.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   The ruins of the city outskirts fly by. Within a few minutes, they make
@@ -49,12 +52,12 @@
   &ndash; a small group of buildings in the distance.
   As they get closer, the buildings take distinct shapes. Two of them
   stand out: The one in the center holds a large geodesic dome and another
-  one off to the side behind it is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out
+  one, off to the side behind it, is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out
   of it for a telescope to peek through. Well, it <i>was</i> smooth at one
   point &ndash; now, it has many holes with a tree growing out of the
-  largest one. The geodesic dome is partially covered in ivy vines but
+  largest one. The geodesic dome is partially covered in vegetation hanging
-  looks otherwise intact. The other buildings look like mostly unremarkable
+  off its outside but looks otherwise intact. The other buildings look like
-  ruins in various stages of decay.
+  mostly unremarkable ruins in various stages of decay.
 </p>
 <p>
   Michelle says:<br />
@@ -64,15 +67,22 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Still gonna look for
   pictures there... Didn&apos;t you say you also need a telescope?</span>
   <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: The optical one
+  <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: That one
-  back there and the radio telescope in that ball of triangles in the
+  back there is the optical one, and that ball of triangles in the middle
-  middle there. That&apos;s essentially just a really big antenna.</span>
+  holds a radio telescope. That&apos;s essentially just a really big
+  antenna.</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">An antenna but you call it a telescope?</span>
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">It works similarly, just for imaging a much
   lower part of the electromagnetic spectrum. Stars give off a bunch more
   than just visible light.</span><br />
+  <!-- ChatGPT feedback (paraphrased):
+       This sounds a little “author explaining astronomy” rather than
+       Michelle naturally speaking.
+
+       I just cba to rewrite it at this moment.
+  -->
   <span class="quote speech">I have no idea what you just said but can we
   try that one?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">A lot of things would have to go right for
@@ -96,21 +106,25 @@
   contents are rotting sheets of paper holding documents and logs.
   Annie finds a folder with photos that are partially stuck together.
   The ones in the front depicting the outside of the observatory but
-  there is at least one depicting a nebula.<br />
+  at least one shows a nebula.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">James, look what I found.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oooh thanks!</span><br />
   He takes it and puts it into a bag.
+  <span class="comment">he quickly looks at it, then puts it away</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The staircase has partially
+  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The stairs have partially
   collapsed so he drags one of the filing cabinets in their place and
   climbs to the next floor.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech"></span>
+  <span class="comment">Jack callout</span><br />
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  Plot hole: why geodesic dome?
+  Potential plot hole: Why is the telescope inside a geodesic dome?
-  They start exploring in the optical telescope building - not wasting
+  <br />
-  too much time there. Then, they go into the radome.
+  Missing: exploring the rest of the optical telescope, not wasting too much
+  time there
+  <br />
+  Missing: exploring the other telescope
 </p>
 
 <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html>

pm--emily_wake_up_again.html

@@ -3,18 +3,17 @@
 <h1>&lt;Emily wake up again&gt;</h1>
 <!-- perspective: Emily -->
 <p>
-  Emily wakes up in her bed, laying on her side. Lena is sitting on the
+  Emily wakes up in her bed, lying on her side. Lena is sitting on the
   floor in front of her, leaning against the window, with her arms over
   her knees and her head resting on them. She looks very pale. A few
   thoughts flash through Emily&apos;s mind in quick succession:
   <span class="quote non-speech">asleep or dead &mdash; she moved a tiny
   bit, she&apos;s breathing &mdash; asleep, phew.</span><br />
-  Emily moves into a more comfortable position. Lena
+  Emily moves into a more comfortable position. Lena jolts awake
-  <span class="comment">zuckt zusammen</span> and lifts her head, looking
+  and lifts her head, looking disoriented for a moment.<br />
-  disoriented for a moment.<br />
   She says in a weak voice: <span class="quote speech">So you will
   live.</span><br />
-  Emily sits up.<br />
+  Emily moves her blanket aside and sits up.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">How long has it been?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">About three days.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Have you slept at all?</span><br />

qb-Banished.html

@@ -39,8 +39,8 @@
   a bunch of things in here that aren&apos;t true.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Take it or leave it.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">What are you getting out of this?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">We don&apos;t want people like you here.
+  <span class="quote speech">People like you cause too much trouble.
-  You cause too much trouble.</span><br />
+  The less of that, the better.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">What will happen if I sign this?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">You will be removed from Sunside Cove.</span>
   <br />
@@ -52,8 +52,9 @@
   You will join them and not return.</span><br />
   She looks back at the pages.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">... Okay...</span><br />
-  The other pages are some half filled-out forms. She is given a pen and
+  The other pages are some half-filled-out forms. She is given a pen and
   told to fill in the rest.
+  <!-- more character introspection needed? -->
 </p>
 <p>
   Not much later, she finds herself at trial. As laid out in the paperwork,
@@ -64,7 +65,7 @@
   Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench.
   She sits down and waits. The guard leaves and the hallway gets quiet.
   The only thing she hears is the hum of the flourescent lights.
-  She waits some more. Time passes.
+  She waits. And waits some more. Time passes.
 </p>
 <p>
   The lights go out. Relays click in the hallway. She tries to look
@@ -88,7 +89,7 @@
   run off to. Now go.</span><br />
   She gets up and does as she is told. The diffuse light reflecting off
   the floor and the walls lets her barely see her surroundings. Another
-  gaurd appears in the door at the end of the hallway, holding
+  guard appears in the door at the end of the hallway, holding
   a flashlight as well.
 </p>
 <p>

qc-the_floor_is_water.html

@@ -34,10 +34,16 @@
   platform roughly taking up a third of the ravine's width. One side is
   connected to the rock face, the other side ends in a vertical edge that
   goes down to the outflow of the power plant. A very rusty railing
-  <span class="comment">begrenzt</span> that side, though it looks like
+  lines that side, though it looks like it might fall apart if you look
-  it might fall apart if you look at it wrong. The entire platform is
+  at it wrong. The entire platform is flooded by water rushing out of a broken
-  flooded by water rushing out of a broken door in the rock face.
+  door in the rock face. It spreads out over the platform, and flows off the
-  It spreads out over the platform, and flows off the edge.<br />
+  edge.<br />
+  <!--
+    asked ChatGPT for vocabulary help, its suggestions:
+    - stands atop
+    - spans roughly a third of
+    - sheer drop / vertical drop
+  -->
   Michelle says to Jack: <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t think
   we&apos;ll get in this way.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Got another idea?</span><br />
@@ -47,17 +53,15 @@
   <span class="quote speech">We just need to get past the door, the water
   inside will be moving a lot slower.</span><br />
   Michelle and Annie decide to stay back, Jack and James approach the door
-  from the side. The two pick up a large rock and throw
+  from the side. The two lift a large rock off the ground and &ndash; with
-  <span class="comment">huck?</span>
+  considerable effort &ndash; toss it right in front of the door. It starts
-  it right in
+  rolling immediately and, within seconds, tumbles over the edge.<br />
-  front of the door. It starts rolling immediately and, within seconds,
-  tumbles off the edge.<br />
   Jack calls out to the girls:
   <span class="quote speech">Looks like you were right.</span><br />
   Michelle asks: <span class="quote speech">Can you say that again?</span>
   <br />
   He says <span class="quote speech">no</span>, failing to
-  suppress a smile.<br />
+  suppress a grin.<br />
   James notices an access hatch a few meters up on the other side of
   the door.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Look, up there, that thing seems
@@ -67,8 +71,8 @@
   The guys back away from the door and make their way over to the railing
   at the edge of the platform. From there, they try to wade to the other
   side. James goes ahead, taking a few cautious steps forward before the
-  current gets too strong. He attempts to hold on to the desolate railing
+  current gets too strong. He attempts to hold on to the desolate railing.
-  It breaks instantly, leaving hime with a roughly 20 centimeter long
+  It breaks instantly, leaving him with a roughly 20 centimeter long
   piece of rust in his hand. Jack pulls him back from the strongest part
   of the current.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Welp, I guess that&apos;s that. Not gonna
@@ -76,7 +80,7 @@
   They return to the girls and they all decide to head back up.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  Missing paragraph
+  Missing section
 </p>
 <p>
   Jack turns the key and the gate starts to move up, scrathcing and

ra--Emily_first_contact.html

@@ -13,17 +13,16 @@
 <p>
   3 &ndash; 5 &ndash; 2 &ndash; 1 &ndash; Enter. The keypad beeps with
   every button press. A computer voice announces
-  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span> and the door slides
+  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span> and the door
-  up. She steps through into the main control center. The module contains
+  slides up. She steps through into the main control center. The module
-  one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks arranged
+  contains one large room with rows of integrated equipment desks arranged
-  in a <span class="comment">Mondsichel</span> shape with the
+  in a crescent, curving to the right. Most of the seats face towards
-  <span class="comment">W&ouml;lbung</span> to the left. Most of the seats
+  the center, allowing a view of the biotope through a huge panorama window
-  are facing that way, allowing a view of the biotope through a huge
+  to the left that is taking up the entirety of the wall. The biotope is
-  panorama window taking up the entire wall. The biotope is an even larger
+  an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support beams,
-  module with a ceiling of glass and support beams, completely filled with
+  completely filled with plant life, trees, small critters, and a big pond.
-  plant life, trees, small critters, and a big pond. The walls across from
+  The remaining walls hold large status panels with seven-segment displays
-  her and to the right hold large status panels with some seven-segment
+  and lots of big status indicator symbols.
-  displays for information and lots of big status indicator symbols.
 </p>
 <p>
   Emily walks down the shallow stairs towards the panorama window. In