'oa' Lab Rat: remove redundant outline, format a line of dialog

'oa' (Emily lab incident) -> Lab Rat
'pa' Basic Needs: Revision
2023-11-20 19:49:11 +01:00 · 2023-11-20 19:37:00 +01:00 · 2023-11-20 19:19:07 +01:00 · 2023-11-15 08:58:55 +01:00 · 2023-11-15 08:50:54 +01:00 · 2023-11-14 09:03:03 +01:00
7 changed files with 275 additions and 276 deletions
--- a/06-Library_At_Night.html
+++ b/06-Library_At_Night.html
@ -1,42 +1,6 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> Library At Night </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
 <h1> Library At Night</h1>
 <p class="comment">
  If you are here just for reading, skip past the outline.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
  Outline:
 </p>
 <ul>
  <li class="comment">
    Annie and Isabelle go to library
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        enter the place, find computer
      </li>
      <li class="comment">
        turn it on (following rough instructions and figuring it out)
      </lI>
      <li class="comment">
        figures out how to CLI (using instructions)
      </li>
      <li class="comment">
        copy the file to a floppy disk
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    One of them trips some sort of alarm before leaving? Idk.. Something
    has to happen tho.
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Annie drops the floppy and a note with Jack&apos;s number off at
    Karl&apos;s place
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Annie goes home and falls asleep
  </li>
 </ul>
 <p>
  11:30 PM - Isabelle and Annie find themselves at the side entrance to
  the library. They try a couple keys before finding the right one. The
--- a/ka-I_Like_Trains-finding_the_train.html
+++ b/ka-I_Like_Trains-finding_the_train.html
@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
-<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> &lt;chapter name&gt; </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
+<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> I Like Trains </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
-<h1> &lt;chapter name&gt;</h1>
+<h1>I Like Trains</h1>
 <p class="comment">
  Context: They are exploring the Ivydale train yard
 </p>
@ -10,15 +10,14 @@
  track.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Where are you?</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Up here.</span><br />
-  Jack had climbed onto the rather sketchy-looking roof of one of the
+  Jack is standing on the rather sketchy-looking roof of one of the
-  trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars and Jack helps her to
+  trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars and Jack helps her
-  the top.<br />
+  to the top.<br />
-  <span class="comment"> Look,</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Look, over there...</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Over there...</span><br />
  He points across the deteriorating metro trains towards the outermost
  track of the overgrown train yard. A small roof - or in places what
  remains of it - extends over the track from the side of a large building.
-  Under the roof are several tank cars. Some are rusted through or missing
+  Several tank cars sit under it. Some are rusted through or missing
  parts, but a few look like they might still hold liquids.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Oh, wow! Maybe there&apos;s some gas left in
  there or something...</span><br />
@ -26,26 +25,27 @@
 </p>
 <p>
  They climb back down and make their way over to one of the tank cars.
-  They climb onto the side of the car and Jack attempts to use the ladder
+  Jack clmbs onto the side of the car and attempts to use the ladder
-  that leads to the top. It crumbles under his feet.<br />
+  leading to the top. It crumbles under his feet.
-  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down - hey, use me as a
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down - hey, use me as
-  ladder.</span><br />
+  a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her up on top of it.
-  He leans against the car and helps her onto the tank.
+</p>
-  <span class="comment"> something missing? Idk </span>
+<p>
-  Michelle inspects the lid.<br />
+  Michelle inspects the lid. It&apos;s held on with large nuts.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Do we have a wrench or something?</span><br />
  Jack looks around.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t know. Lemme take a look inside
  there...</span><br />
-  He disappears through where used to be a door. After a moment, he
+  He disappears through an opening in the wall where used to be a door.
-  reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable wrench.<br />
+  After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable
  wrench.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">It&apos;s a bit rusty but should do the
  job.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m afraid to see what you call very
  rusty.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">This thing, for example.</span><br />
-  He knocks it against the ladder on the side of the tank causing more
+  He knocks it against the side of the tank causing more pieces of the
-  pieces to break off. Then, he hands the wrench to her. After a bit of
+  ladder to break off. Then, he hands the wrench to her. After a bit of
  fiddling, she manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the
  lid in place - it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Need a hammer or something?</span><br />
@ -54,8 +54,9 @@
  Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and passes it to her. Putting it
  over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the
  bolt snaps with a bang.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Well that&apos;s one way for that to come
+  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s certainly one of the ways to undo
-  off.</span>
+  a nut.</span><br />
  She moves on to the next one.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
  missing section: Michelle opens the lid and finds some disappointing
@ -83,7 +84,7 @@
  </span> A few rows of large industrial shelves on the other side of the
  hall hold partially rotting crates. On either side of the area with the
  shelves are spacious areas with machine tools, small cranes, and other
-  machinery. A few plants grow here and there. A single train tack goes
+  machinery. A few plants grow here and there. A single train track goes
  through the center of the hall with additional tracks for a gantry crane
  to either side of it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the
  rusty crane, sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
@ -91,15 +92,19 @@
 <p>
  <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea indeed</span>, she says while
  walking towards it. Then, she corrects herself:
-  <span class="quote speech">Actually, it might not be that stupid. It
+  <span class="quote speech">Actually, it might be useful. That&apos;s one
-  should have a generator that we can use.</span><br />
+  of the diesel-electric ones, right?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That is if we can get it to a location where
+  <span class="quote speech">Oh, I thought we drink the diesel and push
-  it would be useful.</span><br />
+  this thing around for fun.</span> He grins.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Is there a railroad close to the bunker?</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, so can we use its generator?</span><br />
-  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Maybe, if we can get it to a location where
  it's useful.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">There is no railroad close to the
  bunker?</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Not that I know of, the closest would be
  somewhere around Ivydale South.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Okay, not very useful. Let&apos;s go find a
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, not very useful. That wasn&apos;t very
-  truck then.</span>
+  well planned, Mr infrastructure guy.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s go find a truck.</span>
 </p>
 <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans = ["<span class=\"paper green\">", "<span>"]; let pre_texts = document.getElementsByTagName("pre"); for (let i = 0; i < pre_texts.length; i++) {if (pre_texts[i].className != "paper") continue; let lines = pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n"); let result = ""; for (let j = 0; j < lines.length; j++) {result = result + spans[j%2] + lines[j] + " ".repeat(80-lines[j].length) + "</span>\n";} pre_texts[i].innerHTML = result;}</script></body></html>
--- a/mb-First_Steps_Outside.html
+++ b/mb-First_Steps_Outside.html
@ -94,8 +94,8 @@
  I used to call home.</span>
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  At some point before this, Jack needs to tell her something along the
+  At some point before this chapter, Jack needs to tell her something
-  lines of &quot;No pity. I chose this life.&quot;
+  along the lines of &quot;No pity. I chose this life.&quot;
 </p>
 <p>
  After pointing out some other notable landmarks, Jack decides it is time
--- a/notes/story.txt
+++ b/notes/story.txt
@ -1,95 +1,177 @@
-This is very out of date. I'm gonna update this and remove the Markdown
+Big-picture story overview:
-formatting whenever I feel like it. Bu I ron't feel like it atm. ;)
+===========================
 Story begins on Tue, 2106-06-01
-**Big-picture story overview:**
+[partial] Jack wakes up
 -> finds himself trapped in a bunker
 -> leaves Michelle frozen
 -> attempts to fix the door to get out
  -> [missing] no tools, improvisation
  -> tries and fails to get a service manual from the computer dur to a
     broken hard drive
  -> [implied] connects to the AgriWorks computer
 [partial} Annie finds out about his situation
 -> finds the terminal
 -> [partial] figures out she (or anyone else for that matter) can't help
   him directly
 -> agrees to get him the manual
 -> [partial] leaves work for the day
 [needs revision] Annie goes to the library
 -> she doesn't get the manual
 -> instead, she gets a mysterious invite
 [partial] Jack messes with the computer
 -> [missing] inspects the damage on the hard drive
 -> [missing] talks to Annie again
  -> outcome of the library visit
  -> Annie figures out shift and special chars
  -> Annie asks a bunch of questions about Jack and his situation
 -> [partial] Jack prints off the logbook
 [partial] Secret organization meeting
 -> Annie meets with Lucas
 -> [needs revision] finds out that Karl is also part of the group
 -> [needs revision] Lucas needs to go but leaves his keys
  -> [change] He needs to leave immediately
  -> [missing] He says something to the effect of "leave them at xyz
     location when you're done"
 -> [missing] They decide to  steal the manual, not because they know that
   that's the right type of door but because they want someone on the
   outside for strategic reasons
  -> talk about Jack
 [needs revision] Annie and Isabelle steal the manual
 -> [change] They search for the computer
 -> They get the manual
 -> They almost get caught
 [missing] Annie and Karl contact Jack
 -> Jack is reading the logs when the bell on the teleprinter dings
  -> The logs need to make it very clear that, presumably, there are
     still ppl living on the moon
 -> the file contents of the stolen manual are gibberish
  -> Jack takes a look at the file
  -> turns out it's encrypted
 -> Jack can write a program to break the encryption but for that to
   be feasibly, they need a computer with a Number Cruncher 2000 card
 -> Karl asks if Jack could/would open the airlocks from the outside
 [missing] Next secret organization meetup
 -> short interaction between Annie and Lucas
  -> "You got your keys?" "I got my keys, thx."
 -> relay the news from Jack
  -> they decide to "borrow" a computer that has the right hardware
 -> has to end with law enforcement arriving at the bar for an unrelated
   reason and Kate telling them to gtfo
 [partial] Emily intro
 -> Emily wakes up, Lena is in her room crying
 -> introduce the fact that there is a dangerous pathogen wreaking havoc on
   the moon
 -> ???
 -> funeral
 [missing] Annie stops working at AgriWorks
 -> (this chapter can be moved to wherever is convenient)
 -> Annie talks to Jack over the terminal. They talk about all sorts of
   things, the outside world, the inside world, ... (this might be just
   hinted at)
 -> She falls asleep and gets found there the next day
 -> She either gets let go or quits
 [missing] secret organization plans the heist
 -> new location (because day)
 -> discussing two possible targets
 -> discussing strategies for the heist
 -> discussing what to do with the computer when they no longer need it
  -> they obviously can't keep it so they will see if it's possible to
     return it, if not get rid of it in another way
 [missing] planning for getting the power plant documents to Jack
 -> (this chapter can be moved to wherever it is convenient)
 -> While talking to Jack, the idea of messing with the power plant comes up
  -> Jack doesn't like the idea of a terrorist attack but he is open to the
     idea of performing some unscheduled but clearly communicated
     maintenance
 -> They decide that Annie should meet up with Jack at a train station to
   get him all the documentation he needs
 [missing] The heist
 -> four secret organization members pull up at the front entrance of a
   company's building
  -> Karl's friend backs his truck up agains the stairs leading to the door
 -> two additional members arrive by other means
 -> break-in
  -> Annie, Isabelle, the company insider, and another member head inside
  -> Karl and his friend wait outside
 -> The group inside makes quick work of getting all the things
  -> quick double check that the Number Cruncher 2000 is in the computer
  -> Annie and Isabelle push the computer
  -> The company insider collects all sorts of random bits and bobs
  -> The other guy carries a terminal
 -> they disperse in all directions
 [missing] setting up the computer at Karl's place
 -> TV on with news about the heist
 -> They hook it up to a modem so that Jack can get his program ready
 [missing] Some moon scene
 -> Idk what exactly but it shows that Lena doesn't like the lab mice
   (this is relevant later)
 [missing] Opening the bunker door
 -> Jack goes outside and takes a look around
 -> wakes up Michelle
 [partial] Exploring the Ivydale area
 -> ???
 -> exploring the train yard
 -> finding fuel
 -> find an intact metro train
 [missing] returning the stolen computer
 -> they get caught and run
  -> leave the computer at the side entrance
  -> some ppl get arrested (Lucas?)
 -> another news segment along the lines of "In a bizarre turn of events..."
 [partial] Annie meets Jack
 -> Jack drives a train into the dome
 -> original plan was for Annie to hand over the documents
  -> police are at Annie's drop-off point, arresting Karl's friend
  -> she stays on the train and leave the city
 [partial] Annie sees the outside world for the first time
 -> Annie enjoys the view from the side of the valley
 -> They make their way to where used to be a bridge and climb down
 -> continue towards the bunker
 [missing] James the nomad shows up at the bunker with his dog
 -> looking for the Sentinel Shores observatory
 -> decides he's gonna stay for the night
 -> playing with the dog
 -> Jack and Annie arrive
 -> food
 -> talk about the before times
  -> James decides to postpone his trip to Sentinel Shores, the bunker has
     turned out to be more interesting than expected
 [missing] failing to get in touch with the moon
 -> Jack and Michelle troubleshoot
   -> reading logs
   -> computer equipment is fine
   -> They go outside to inspect the dish
   -> a river has wreaked havoc on important comms equipment
 -> decision to check out the Sentinel Shores observatory
 [missing] Trip to Sentinel Shores
 -> The comms eqipment looks good but all computer erquipment missing
 -> talk about where to get computers from
  -> James suggests the datacenter in Rogue Tides
 * Story begins on Tue, 2106-06-01
 * \[partial\] Jack wakes up and contacts Annie, in the end he asks for a manual for the door
 * \[partial\] Annie goes to the library but doesn't get the manual - instead she gets a mysterious invite
 * \[missing\] Annie talks to Jack again at work 
  * Annie figures out how to use a keyboard properly
  * Potentially written from Jack's perspective as not much of interest happens on Annie's side 
    * he could do something else as well, maybe working on improvising tools before or after talking to Annie
 * \[partial\] Annie gets introduced to secret organization, learns that Karl is also part of it
 * \[partial\] Lucas gives Annie the keys for the library and instructions on where to find the relevant computers 
  * for some reason he can't go get the manual himself (needs to be at an important event or something)
  * Karl doesn't join bc he can't run if things go south, but he does give her a list of useful UNIX commands and a run-down of how to get one of these computers started
  * They talk about Jack and why they would help him
 * \[partial\] Annie gets the manual and drops it off at Karl's place 
  * she puts a note and the floppy disk into his mailbox
 * \[missing\] Next morning from Jack's perspective 
  * incoming connection from Karl
  * he says that Annie has procured a floppy disk with the manual 
    * it's not readable / the file is just gibberish
    * Jack gets a copy of the header and determines it's encrypted
    * he tells Karl that he can probably write a program to break the encryption but it's gonna take a powerful computer to do it within a reasonable time 
      * The ideal computer for this task has a Number Cruncher 3000 card and lots of memory
    * Karl says he'll get back to Jack
 * \[missing\] Next secret organization meetup 
  * Annie gives the keys back
  * they come up with the idea of stealing a minicomputer from some company that someone has a link to
  * also the idea comes up that they could ask Jack to help them in return for them helping him to get out
  * has to end with law enforcement arriving at the bar for an unrelated reason and Kate telling them to gtfo
 * \[partial\] Emily intro 
  * Before this chapter, there needs to be some sort of hint of what is coming (for example, Jack mentions the moon habitat or Annie asks why he was frozen)
  * Emily wakes up, Lena is in her room crying 
    * introduces that ppl die from some disease on the moon
  * breakfast
  * funeral
 * \[missing\] Annie talks to Jack again from the terminal at work 
  * she falls asleep
  * next day she gets found there, someone makes a remark like "Why the sudden career change?" 
    * Annie thinks about it for a moment before replying "Actually, brilliant idea..." and quitting
    * She leaves work and heads somewhere to meet up with secret organization members
 * \[missing\] secret organization does secret organization things... 
  * new location (because day)
  * who is there?
  * preparations for the heist
  * plans for Annie to meet Jack 
    * Jack will need some secret documents to help them (for messing with the power supply of the city)
    * they decide to meet on a train 
      * Jack says he knows ways to get in and out
 * \[missing\] Jack finishes writing the program and sends it to Karl
 * \[missing\] the heist 
  * Annie, Isabelle, Lucas, and the inside contact go in and collect equipment and bring it to the front door
  * Karl's friend is waiting to load it into the back of his pickup truck
  * Karl is behind the wheel ready to take off
  * once everything is loaded up, Karl's friend gets into the truck and everyone disperses in different directions
  * they almost get caught 
    * Maybe Lucas and one other member of the secret organization stay behind to buy the others time and get arrested
 * \[missing\] next morning, they set up the computer at Karl's place 
  * something in the news about a stolen computer lol
  * "Hmm I wonder who could that have been? We wouldn't know where it is..."
  * they break the encryption of the floppy disk (takes like three days)
 * *\[missing\] some moon scene, possibly something that shows that Lena doesn't like the lab mice*
 * \[missing\] Jack gets the bunker door open and wakes up Michelle 
  * they explore the Ivydale area
  * find a working metro train somewhere that only needs some mild fixing up 
    * This may or may not remain unknown to Annie
 * \[missing\] meanwhile, the secret organization works on getting the computer equipment back to its rightful owners 
  * they get caught and run/gtfo, leaving the computer at the front entrance
  * there will have to be another news segment, something like this: 
    * "In a bizarre turn of events, members of a suspected terrorist group have returned the stolen computer to xyz corp. It had been stolen from their headquarters four days prior..."
 * \[partial\] Annie meets Jack 
  * Jack drives a train into the dome
  * original plan was to meet on a train and hand over the documents
  * things go wrong and Annie ends up leaving the dome with Jack
  * Annie sees the outside world for the first time
 * \[missing\] James the nomad shows up with his dog 
  * only Michelle is there, Jack and Annie are still on their way
  * He is mildly obsessed with space after seeing all sorts of images taken with telescopes
  * on his way to Sentinel Shores because the observatory there is supposedly somewhat intact 
    * he wants to see if he can make a telescope work
    * Something happens that will convince him to stay at the bunker 
      * possibly the topic of the moon base gets discussed
 * \[missing\] Jack and Michelle will be working on getting in touch with the moon 
  * turns out their communications dish and equipment is far too gone to be repaired due to a river changing course or some other destructive event
  * James suggests they should check out the observatory in Sentinel Shores
 * \[missing\] They go on a "day trip" to Sentinel Shores to take a look at the observatory 
  * looks good but missing any kind of computer equipment (looted after or removed before the apocalypse)
  * has an optical telescope and a dish
  * when talking about the lack of computers, the nomad remembers that he saw a lot of computer stuff in Rogue Tides
 * *... missing things (not in order):* 
  * *power plant shenanigans* 
    * *secret organization has to do things like putting up banners in high-profile locations and/or distribute a manifesto*
@ -118,33 +200,17 @@ formatting whenever I feel like it. Bu I ron't feel like it atm. ;)
  * she realizes that she is descending waay too fast and tries mentally going through the emergency checklist
 * Emily lands
 **Individual missions:**
-* Underground organization (Annie, Librarian, Karl) 
+Scene Ideas:
-  * from the underground city
+============
  * want the underground city to open up again
  * they come up with the plan that Annie should escape the city since she has the contact with Jack anyway so that they can gather some intelligence on what's going on outside
  * Annie discovers the hydro power plant - they end up messing with the power supply of the dome to force officials to stop the isolation
 * Neotek Dynamics (Jack, Michelle) 
  * mission to get into contact with moon base to check in on them
  * turns out the moon base is having a real bad time and everyone is dying
  * There used to be many ppl but at the start of the story just a few are left 
    * the rest died of some disease caused by a dangerous pathogen
    * the remaining ppl are infected and sick
    * all but Emily will die
    * Emily will recover and make her way down to Earth in an escape capsule 
      * she escapes the capsule with a parachute and the capsule leaves a crater in the ground
 * James 
  * has found space images and is mildly obsessed with them
  * has heard of a somewhat intact observatory in Sentinel Shores
-**Scene ideas:**
+Annie, in her search for an alternative to whatever the underground city
 has as "coffee", obtains some drug from the electronics tinkerer. She
 proceeds to get high as the sky and gets herself into a dangerous
 situation before the others catch on to what's happening. Jack will end up
 more or less forcing her back to the base and sit there watching her so she
 doesn't do anything stupid.
-* Annie, in her search for an alternative to whatever the underground city has as "coffee", obtains some drug from the electronics tinkerer. She proceeds to get high as the sky and gets herself into a dangerous situation before the others catch on to what's happening. Jack will end up more or less forcing her back to the base and sit there watching her so she doesn't do anything stupid.
+Emily is alone, preparing for her descent to Earth. As part of the
-* Emily wakes up. A relative is waiting in her room, silently crying. Emily, catching on to what's going on (and having experienced the bad news of the past how ever many weeks, months, or years), asks who died this time. Some other person, Idk. That leaves 5 alive ppl in the moon base. 
+preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biosphere
-  * Followed by a moon funeral? Idk.
+module (they came from there originally).
 * When Emily recovers (in a different chapter), Lena says something to the effect of "that should have killed you". 
  * same chapter should have a dialog about how Lena took care of the mice despite originally not being too fond of them
 * Lena dies sitting against a boulder next to the grave of her spouse. Emily sits there with her, periodically exchanging oxygen canisters until she dies. They talk over the radio. Lena tells her that she was ultimately right to use what Tony had left behind but it is too late for her now. After she dies, Emily returns to the base and lies down on the floor in a central room looking out though the ceiling for who knows how long (not eating or drinking for like 6h or so). 
  * Something should happen that gets her to get up and realize how incredibly hungry she is - possibly an incoming call / terminal beep from Earth
 * Emily is alone, preparing for her descent to Earth. As part of the preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biosphere module (they came from there originally).
--- a/oa-Lab_Rat-Emily_lab_incident.html
+++ b/oa-Lab_Rat-Emily_lab_incident.html
@ -1,76 +1,13 @@
-<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> &lt;Emily Lab Incident&gt; </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
+<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> Lab Rat </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
-<h1> &lt;Emily Lab Incident&gt; </h1>
+<h1> Lab Rat </h1>
 <p class="comment">
  If you are here for reading, skip past the outline.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
  Outline:
 </p>
 <ul>
  <li class="comment">
    At this point, there are three survivors on the moon base:
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        Emily
      </li>
      <li class="comment">
        Lena
      </li>
      <li class="comment">
        other crew member
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    The other crew member is close to dying
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Begin with dialog
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Emily grabs a hammer and runs through the base followed by Lena
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    She reaches the lab and smashes the control panel for the dorr while
    running inside causing the door to close and lock
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    She drinks some left over chemical concoction
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        possibly after messing with it following some instructions she finds
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Lena starts to break the door open, the other person just arrives there
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Emily&apos;s body is filled with pain and she falls to the floor
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    the door gets broken open just before she drifts out of consciousness
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    she drifts in and out of consciousness
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        getting carried down the hallway
      </li>
      <li class="comment">
        in her bed vomiting
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
 </ul>
 <p>
  <span class="quote speech">Why not?</span><br />
  Emily looks back and forth between Lena and Sasha.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Tony said he had some success with his mice,
  why shouldn&apos;t we try it?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Tony also died after</span> &ndash; Sasha is
+  <span class="quote speech">Tony also died after...</span> Sasha is
-  interrupted by coughing &ndash; <span class="quote speech">after trying it
+  interrupted by coughing. <span class="quote speech">...after trying it
  on himself.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Not like anything else is gonna happen to
  us...</span><br />
--- a/pa-Basic_Needs.html
+++ b/pa-Basic_Needs.html
@ -2,34 +2,39 @@
 <h1> Basic Needs</h1>
 <p>
-  Jack drives into a dried-out river. A bit away from the other side is a
+  Jack drives into a dried-out river. In the distance on the other side is
-  group of houses that &ndash; while they have certainly seen better days
+  a group of houses that, while they have certainly seen better days,
-  &ndash; aren&apos;t ruins. The truck struggles to get traction in the
+  don&apos;t look abandoned. The truck struggles to get traction in the
-  sand on the other side of the river bed. After getting stuck, he backs up
+  sand on the other side of the river bed. After getting stuck, Jack backs
-  and turns into the river. He accelerates, the engine roars, then he
+  up and turns into the river. He accelerates, then steers back onto the
-  steers it back onto the side of the river. The truck gets stuck again.
+  river bank &ndash; to no avail. He turns back into the river again.
-  This process repeats twice more before they finally make it out and back
+  The engine roars. First gear, second gear, third gear... Then, he steers
-  onto the tall grass that covers the area. Jack drives over to the remains
+  back into the side of the river. <span class="comment">rephrase bc
-  of a road that lead to the settlement.
+  repetetiveness</span>
 </p>
 <p>
  The suspension bottoms out as the truck plows uphill through the sand,
  barely making it out of the river. Annie holds her shoulder that had
  been pushed into the seat belt.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Can we not do that again, please?</span><br />
  <span class="comment">response?</span><br />
  Jack turns around and drives onto the overgrown remains of a road leading
  to the settlement.
 </p>
 <p>
  He parks in front of an old store.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">This is it, I guess.</span><br />
  They get out and start walking towards the door. A small dog runs up to
-  greet them, jumping around, running in circles, and wagging its tail.
+  them, barking, jumping around, running in circles, and wagging its tail.
  It picks up a stick and drops it in front of Annie. She crouches down,
-  pets the dog, and picks up the stick. The dog bites into the other end
+  pets the dog, and picks up the stick.<br />
-  and pulls on it.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;ll be right there</span>, Annie says
-  <span class="comment">note: need reason for Jack to go ahead, also better
+  to Jack before throwing it.<br />
-  wording</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay.</span> Jack goes into the store.
  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;ll be inside.</span><br />
  Jack goes into the store.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="comment">note: need to state that the man appears to be in
+  After playing fetch for a bit, Annie follows. Behind the counter is a man
-  his 60s</span><br />
+  who appears to be in his 60s. He is talking to Jack:<br />
  After playing with the dog for a bit, Annie follows. The man behind the
  counter is talking to Jack:<br />
  <span class="quote speech">I mean in the long run. We have plenty of food
  right now but, since the &lt;river name&gt; has changed course, we
  don&apos;t even have enough water to grow crops for ourselves. The
@ -45,7 +50,7 @@
  <span class="quote speech">Listen, we don&apos;t just need a little bit of
  water. The amount of water we need can&apos;t simply be carried here or
  we&apos;d do it ourselves. And we need it regularly and consistently.
-  When the &lt;river&gt; still flowed here, water userd to flow into our
+  When the &lt;river&gt; still flowed here, water used to flow into our
  irrigation system upstream and got distributed to all the fields and
  greenhouses from there.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">I know you need an industrial quantity of
--- a/va-Alone-Lena_death.html
+++ b/va-Alone-Lena_death.html
@ -150,11 +150,33 @@
  through the airlock and looks for a full oxygen bottle. She lifts one
  out of its rack and carries it back to Lena. She opens the life support
  unit and closes the valves on it and the empty bottle, then she replaces
-  it and opens the valves again. <br /><span class="comment">
+  it and opens the valves again. Just as she is done with that, her own
-  missing: Emily&apos;s LSU is also empty. She replaces the oxygen bottle
+  alarm goes off. <span class="comment">Disappointed/annoyed reaction</span>
  and returns, sitting down next to Lena for company.</span>
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  missing: time jump, Lena dies, etc.
+  Emily sits down next to Lena again, but there is no conversation.
 </p>
 <p>
  Emily looks at Lena &ndash; she had closed her eyes. As if she knew Emily
  was looking she opens them, looking directly at her.
  <span class="comment">Gripping?</span> her hand as she speaks.
  <span class="comment">some meaningful last words?</span> Then she lets go
  and closes her eyes again. A couple minutes later, she stops breathing.
  <span class="comment">wording</span>
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
  Emily sits next to Lena for a while, completely out of it, her mind
  being numb.
 </p>
 <p>
  Her oxygen alarm goes off. Absentmindedly, she gets up and returns to
  the habitat. She opens the air lock, enters, closes the outside, and
  enters the inside. As she is putting away her suit, she realizes that
  she had been following the procedures from muscle memory without even
  thinking about them. She walks to the <span class="comment">???</span>
  module and lays down on the floor staring into the sky.
  <span class="comment">This module has to be described at some point
  before this. It has panorama windows to all sides and a glass ceiling.
  </span>
 </p>
 <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans = ["<span class=\"paper green\">", "<span>"]; let pre_texts = document.getElementsByTagName("pre"); for (let i = 0; i < pre_texts.length; i++) {if (pre_texts[i].className != "paper") continue; let lines = pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n"); let result = ""; for (let j = 0; j < lines.length; j++) {result = result + spans[j%2] + lines[j] + " ".repeat(80-lines[j].length) + "</span>\n";} pre_texts[i].innerHTML = result;}</script></body></html>
Author	SHA1	Message	Date
BodgeMaster	9c5e120c75	'oa' Lab Rat: remove redundant outline, format a line of dialog	2023-11-20 19:49:11 +01:00
BodgeMaster	59e01f69c1	'oa' (Emily lab incident) -> Lab Rat	2023-11-20 19:37:00 +01:00
BodgeMaster	50cadee22d	'pa' Basic Needs: Revision	2023-11-20 19:19:07 +01:00
BodgeMaster	0479d1af37	'ka' (finding the train) -> I Like Trains ah yes, funny chapter name :^)	2023-11-15 08:58:55 +01:00
BodgeMaster	76a47b1177	'ka' (finding the train): revision	2023-11-15 08:50:54 +01:00
BodgeMaster	7fccce67ab	'va' Alone: continue writing	2023-11-14 09:03:03 +01:00
BodgeMaster	d5592d24b7	'va' Alone: continue writing	2023-11-13 18:30:51 +01:00
BodgeMaster	f28538de9c	'mb' First Steps Outside: reword a point in the outline to be more precise	2023-11-13 08:22:46 +01:00
BodgeMaster	cb459197b2	notes/story: rewrite most of the file so it is more readable The unfinished section is still Markdown.	2023-11-13 08:20:52 +01:00
BodgeMaster	ae844cbe85	06 Library AT Night: remove redundant outline	2023-11-10 08:09:50 +01:00