'mb' First Steps Outside: revision

km-unhappy_engine_noises.html

@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@
 <h1>Unhappy Engine Noises</h1>
 <p>
   Michelle pokes her head out from underneath the train.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I think that’s it.</span><br/>
+  <span class="quote speech">I think that&apos;s it.</span><br/>
   She puts a large piece of leftover hose aside and crawls out.<br >
   <span class="quote speech">That was quick. Nice work.</span><br />
   Jack walks over to the compartment holding the batteries, takes the cables

mb-First_Steps_Outside.html

@@ -3,8 +3,8 @@
 <h1> First Steps Outside</h1>
 <p>
   The station is is much larger than any of the metro stations inside the
-  dome. It has many platforms. Portions of the tall roof that is supported
-  by large stone pillars and rusty steel beams have caved in and what&apos;s
+  dome. It has many platforms. Portions of the tall roof, supported by
+  large stone pillars and rusty steel beams, have caved in and what&apos;s
   still standing has holes. Rays of light poke through holes in the walls
   and the roof. All of that is visually stunning but what really catches
   Annie&apos;s eyes are the plants everywhere. Parts of the platforms are
@@ -20,23 +20,31 @@
   tracks before coming to a halt next to a staircase in the center of the
   platform.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Exit to the right</span>, Jack says in unison
-  with the automated voice while turning the switch for the doors and
-  gesturing towards the passenger area.<br />
+  with the automated voice while turning the switch for the doors.
+  He gestures towards the passenger area.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">After you.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie walks over to the closest door and pushes the button. Pressurized
-  air hisses and the right half opens very slowly. They step out onto the
-  platform. Annie breathes the warm air. It smells of the run-over plants.
-  Insects are buzzing about, and the wind rustles through the leaves. She
-  crouches down and touches the carpet of green fuzziness.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Grass. It grows pretty much everywhere,
+  air hisses and one half of it opens very slowly.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">This door has probably seen better
+  days.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Everything out here has seen better days
+  &ndash; except for the plants. They&apos;re thriving.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">There are so many of them.</span><br />
+  They step out onto the platform. Annie  breathes the warm air. It smells
+  of the run-over plants. Insects are buzzing around, and the wind rustles
+  through the leaves. She crouches down and touches the carpet of green
+  fuzziness.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Grass. It grows pretty much everywhere &ndash;
   usually much taller than this though.</span><br />
   She looks up at him.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I knew there would be more plants out here... I
-  didn&apos;t expect that many of them.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Welcome to the outside world. Wanna take a
-  quick look around?</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">fix this</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m surprised that anything grows in
+  here.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Pretty much every building out here is
+  overgrown. By the way: Welcome to the outside world. Wanna take a quick
+  look around?</span><br />
   She gets up.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sure.</span><br />
   Jack uses a key to close the door and they get going.
@@ -48,7 +56,7 @@
   From there, they step outside through a side entrance.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Annie is hit by the light and warmth of the setting sun. She closes her
+  Annie is hit by the light and warmth of the evening sun. She closes her
   eyes and faces it for a moment.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">This is nice.</span> She turns to Jack.
   <span class="quote speech">And this light is just always up there?</span>
@@ -66,10 +74,10 @@
   <span class="quote speech">Why not?</span><br />
   She steps back.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Watch.</span><br />
-  He pushes against it. Loud cracking follows, and the ringing of metal.
-  A roughly two meter wide section of the railing breaks loose and falls.
-  Annie takes a bigger step back. The railing crashes into the ground
-  below with a loud ringing bang.<br />
+  He pushes against it. Loud cracking follows, and the ringing sound of
+  metal breaking. A roughly two meter wide section of the railing begins
+  to fall. Annie takes a bigger step back. The railing crashes into the
+  ground below with a loud ringing bang.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">How did you know?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I made the same mistake over there.</span>
   <br />
@@ -79,12 +87,13 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   Cautiously stepping back to the edge, Annie looks down. Bushes overgrow
-  everything, covering the hillside below the tall sandstone wall holding
+  everything, covering the hillside below the tall sandstone wall of
   the embankment with the station. The walls of small ruins and half
   fallen-in fences stick out here and there, and the bushes are interrupted
-  by what remains of roads and staircases. Small rivers cut through the
-  landscape. Annie looks up. The ruins further down the valley are larger
-  the closer they are to the center of the urban area below.<br />
+  by what remains of roads, paths, and staircases. Small rivers cut
+  through the landscape. Annie looks up, into the distance: The ruins
+  further down the valley are larger the closer they are to the center
+  of the urban area below.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">It&apos;s much bigger than &lt;dome
   city&gt;.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Many things are bigger than &lt;dome city&gt;.
@@ -101,10 +110,10 @@
   After pointing out some other notable landmarks, Jack decides it is time
   to get going. He starts to lead the way, walking towards the side of the
   station that they arrived from. The balcony-like walkway connects to
-  a wide staircase down from the end of the embankment where the mountain
-  extends over the tunnels and the back wall of the station. It leads to a
-  collapsed bridge next to a large waterfall. Annie marvels at the sheer
-  amount of water flowing by, something that she had never before seen.
+  a wide staircase down from the end of the embankment where the rear part
+  of the station extends into the mountain. It leads to a collapsed bridge
+  next to a large waterfall. Annie marvels at the sheer amount of water
+  flowing by, something that she had never before seen.
 </p>
 <p>
   Jack goes ahead, climbing down the wall where the bridge used to begin
@@ -115,6 +124,6 @@
   <span class="comment">Something interesting needs to happen here.</span>
   <br />
   They make their way across the fast-flowing river by stepping on large
-  stones in the water, and continue through the bushes towards Outpost 53.
+  stones in the water, and continue through the bushes towards Facility 53.
 </p>
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