ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html

@@ -4,50 +4,38 @@
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Morning Michelle!</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Ugh.</span><br />
-  She feels dizzy and her body is filled with a burning sensation.
-  She takes a step out of her preservation chamber and sits down on the
-  floor in front of it, putting her arms over her knees to rest her head.
-  <br />
+  She takes a step out of her preservation chamber, sits down on the floor
+  with her arms over her knees, and rests her head on them.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m gonna ... need a moment.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Water?</span><br />
-  She lifts her head and Jack hands her a glass. After taking a couple sips,
-  she sets it down, unsure whether it helps or makes it worse, and rests
-  her head again.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Just let me sit here for a moment.</span><br />
+  She lifts her head. Jack hands her a glass. She takes a couple sips before
+  setting it down and resting her head again.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Not sure if that makes it better or worse.
+  Just let me sit here for a moment.</span><br />
   After a while, she lifts her head again.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">So what year is it? ... and what&apos;s our
-  mission?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six. We don&apos;t have a
-  mission, uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">You&apos;re kidding.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Nope.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">How&apos;d you get woken up then?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Technical failure.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">You survived that?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That was the least of my challenges.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">So what&apos;s our mission?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Nothing. Uplink&apos;s dead.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">What... What happened? What year is it?</span>
   <br />
-  Jack recounts his side of the events of the past <span class="comment">
-  amount of time</span> as well as some of the things he had read about in
-  the logs or talked about with Annie.
+  <span class="quote speech">Twenty-one-oh-six.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">You&apos;re kidding me.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Nope. ... As for what happened to the uplink,
+  I can&apos;t tell you. I&apos;ve spent the past <span class="comment">
+  idk what amount of time</span> trapped in here.</span><br />
+  Jack recounts the recent events as well as some of the things he had read
+  about in the logs.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">missing section</p>
 <p>
-  They step outside and, following what remains of the old path, start
-  walking. It is narrow and winded, overgrown, and has partially
-  disappeared. Jack walks ahead, only half following the path, half making
-  it up as he goes. Michelle struggles to follow, slowly falling behind.
-</p>
-<p>
-  After a while, Jack stops abruptly, looking down at something, then up,
-  then down again. Then, he turns to Michelle who is catching up to him
-  and says: <span class="quote speech">Well, that could be a reason why
-  the uplink is down &ndash; it literally <i>is down</i>...</span>.
-  Michelle reaches the edge and and sees what Jack had stopped for:
-  A huge ravine estends towards the top of the mountain where a landslide
-  had left nothing but a cliff and a huge pile of rubble. At the top of
-  the mountain, teetering on the edge, are two buildings &ndash; all
-  that&apos;s left of the ground station. The rest of the buildings and
-  the dish lay strewn around in pieces down below.
+  They step outside and, following what remains of the old path up to the
+  ground station, start making their way up the mountain. Jack goes ahead
+  but stops after not too long, looking up and down and up again.
+  <span class="quote speech">Well, that could be why the uplink isn&apos;t
+  working...</span> Michelle catches up to him to find the path ending
+  abruptly where a landslide had left nothing but a cliff and a huge pile
+  of rubble. At the top of the mountain, teetering on the edge, are two
+  buildings &ndash; all that&apos;s left of the ground station. The rest
+  of the buildings and the dish lay strewn around in pieces down below.
 </p>
 
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va-Alone-Lena_death.html

@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@
     Emily returns inside and goes to a room with a view of the sky
     <ul>
       <li class="comment">
-        following any procedures such as operating the airlock as
+        following any procedures such as operating the air lock as
         robot-like as possible
       </li>
       <li class="comment">
@@ -75,7 +75,7 @@
   Emily and Lena start putting on their space suits. Emily is done
   relatively quickly while Lena makes slow progress as she struggles to
   keep her balance. Half-way through, she gives up, sitting down on the
-  bench next to the airlock. Emily helps her all the way into the
+  bench across from the air lock. Emily helps her all the way into the
   suit. Lena sits there for a moment, heavily breathing, while Emily waits.
   <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Sorry, I can&apos;t... I feel exhausted.</span>
@@ -84,11 +84,11 @@
   Emily takes their helmets and brings them into the airlock. She returns
   for a life support unit, pulls it out of the rack in the wall, and sets
   it down on the floor. Following a mental checklist, she makes sure that
-  the oxygen bottle is connected properly and the gauges read what they
+  the air bottle is connected properly and the gauges read what they
   should. Everything okay... or is it? She double-checks with the check
   list on the wall. Yes, this unit is ready. She triple-checks everything
   &ndash; first time it actually matters. Reasonably satisfied with her
-  findings, she carries it over to the airlock. Then, she repeats this
+  findings, she carries it over to the air lock. Then, she repeats this
   procedure for the second unit. Finally, she helps Lena up and they get
   into the airlock.
 </p>
@@ -146,7 +146,7 @@
 <p>
   The conversation is interrupted by the beeping of Lena&apos;s low oxygen
   alarm going off. Emily gets up and walks back to the habitat. She enters
-  through the airlock and looks for a full oxygen bottle. She lifts one
+  through the airlock and looks for a full air bottle. She lifts one
   out of its rack and carries it back to Lena. She opens the life support
   unit and closes the valves on it and the empty bottle, then she replaces
   it and opens the valves again. Just as she is done with that, her own
@@ -169,7 +169,7 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   Her oxygen alarm goes off. Absentmindedly, she gets up and returns to
-  the habitat. She opens the airlock, enters, closes the outside, and
+  the habitat. She opens the air lock, enters, closes the outside, and
   enters the inside. As she is putting away her suit, she realizes that
   she had been following the procedures from muscle memory without even
   thinking about them. She walks to the <span class="comment">???</span>