10 changed files with 88 additions and 129 deletions
--- a/ai_use.xt
+++ b/ai_use.xt
@ -1,27 +0,0 @@
-I take pride in writing New Dawn myself. No LLM output is used in
-the creative process. LLM output is never used directly.
-
-Unfortunately, I have to fall back to LLMs for feedback due to a lack of
-people reading my stuff. I don't like doing that, so please feel free to
-replace AI by reading everything thoroughly and giving feedback.
-Any feedback is welcome. The more extensive/detailed the better. Even if
-it's just a list of typos or "You stink, go take a shower"...
-
-With that said, here is how I use AI:
- start a new chat
- paste prompt from below
- paste HTML file
- ignore suggestions on story content / events (if any)
- [optional] ask for more vocabulary / wording suggestions
- take notes on
-  - vocabulary suggestions (verify as needed)
-  - wording suggeststions
-  - flow issues (only where I agree with them)
- reword wording suggestions in my own words
- revise chapters
-
-Prompt:
-The following is a chapter taken from a larger work-in-progress story called New Dawn. Thoughts? Criticisms?
-
-Any HTML comments are notes to self, you can generally ignore those. <span class="comment"> are author's notes, usually where I need to work on stuff and want to give potential beta readers a heads-up. You can assume these will be addressed sooner or later and need no comment - except when they are vocabulary questions (English is not my first language).
-There are previous chapters, so some things will be missing context.
--- a/ea-RTFM.html
+++ b/ea-RTFM.html
@ -7,10 +7,11 @@
  Annie arrives at a house with multiple ground-level entrances.
  She rings one of the doorbells and waits. Nobody answers. She checks
  that it is the right door &ndash; yes, this is grandpa Karl&apos;s
-  apartment. She rings again. Still nothing. She hears a window being opened
-  and Isabelle quietly calling her from one of the adjacent houses:<br />
+  apartment. She rings again. A window on <span class="comment">in?</span>
+  one of the adjacent houses opens and she hears Isabelle quietly calling
+  her:<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Annie, we&apos;re over here.</span><br />
-  She looks over, then walks up to the window.<br />
+  She walks over.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Which door?</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Number 15, I&apos;ll let you in.</span><br />
 </p>
@ -18,38 +19,40 @@
  Lucas and Karl are also inside.
  <br />
  Karl says: <span class="quote speech">We needed a little more space.
-  This place has been vacant forever, might as well use it.</span><br />
+  This place has been <span class="comment">vacant</span> forever, might
+  as well use it.</span><br />
  Annie slides her shoes off and leans her bag against the wall. Then,
  they go into the living room where cables and computer parts are all over
  the floor. Lucas sits in front of the rack between two opened boxes.
  The rack&apos;s side panels had been removed, revealing the devices
  mounted inside and the cables connecting them. Lucas is pushing a circuit
  board into a half-assembled metal box that hangs out the front. Karl goes
-  over to a stool next to the rack, cautiously avoiding stepping on things,
+  over to a stool next to the rack, carefully avoiding stepping on things,
  and sits down.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Annie sits down on the floor next to Lucas and watches as he carefully
-  inserts another board. Karl is reading from a binder of documentation
-  and tells him to set some tiny switches on its front edge.<br />
+  Annie sits down next to Lucas and watches as he carefully
+  <span class="comment">synonym for careful?</span> inserts another
+  board. Karl is reading from a binder of documentation and tells him to
+  set some tiny switches on its front edge.<br />
  While grabbing the next board, Lucas says:
  <span class="quote speech">Annie, can you take these and prepare the DIP
  switches?</span><br />
  He pushes the box over to her. It contains four circuit boards, all
  identical.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Uhm, okay.</span>
-  She takes one out and looks at it closely. It&apos;s full of electronic
-  components on both sides and one of the edges holds a tiny red box with
-  an even tinier row of switches on it.<br />
-  <span class="comment">Above is a meh description. Need naive description
+  She takes one of the boards out and looks at it. It&apos;s full of
+  electronic components on both sides and one of the edges holds a tiny red
+  box with an even tinier row of switches on it.<br />
+  <span class="comment">Above is a bad description. Need naive description
  of DIP switches from someone who doesn&apos;t know.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">So what do I set them to?</span><br />
  Karl tells her a combination and she tries to push the switches up or
  down as needed with her finger nails.<br />
-  Lucas says <span class="quote speech">Here, use this.</span><br />
-  He hands her a ballpoint pen. Using it to flip the switches, she sets
-  the combination Karl says, then hands the board over to Lucas and grabs
-  the next one.
+  Lucas says <span class="quote speech">Here, use this.</span> and hands
+  her a pen.<br />
+  Using it to flip the switches, she sets the combination Karl says, then
+  hands the board over to Lucas and grabs the next one.
 </p>
 <p>
  Karl takes the racks&apos;s power cable and plugs it in. Isabelle gets
--- a/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html
+++ b/ja-erosion-michelle_wakeup.html
@ -68,7 +68,7 @@
  leave.</span><br />
  Jack sits down across from her and retells everything that had happened,
  starting with his preservaton chamber breaking down. It takes him about
-  half an hour, including answering Michelle&apos;s questions.
+  half an hour, including answering Michelles questions.
 </p>
 <p>
  <span class="quote speech">How have you been dealing with food?
@ -108,10 +108,11 @@
  in front of the bunker.<br />
  <span class="comment">the scene where Jack opens the door should
  have a short description of the lay of the lands</span><br />
-  The two decide to walk up to a ridge not far from them on the other side
-  of the valley. Beyond it is Ivydale, once a large city housing just over
-  a million people &ndash; only one of whom remains to behold its overgrown
-  ruins.<br />
+  The two decide to walk up to a <span class="comment">crest? ridge?</span>
+  not far from them on the other side of the valley. Beyond it is Ivydale,
+  once a large city housing just over a million people &ndash; only one of
+  whom remains to behold its overgrown ruins.
+  <br />
  <span class="comment">Jack is from Sentinel Shores.</span><br />
  Michelle says: <span class="quote speech">I mean I knew it already but
  seeing it like this just hits differently.</span><br />
--- a/km-ran_when_parked.html
+++ b/km-ran_when_parked.html
@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ going with this so I'll just leave it in here, commented out.
  through the pages while Michelle jumps out and stops the generator.
  He begins to undo <span class="comment">knowledge gap here: How
  does that work? What do you undo to fix a gunked-up fuel injection?
-  </span>
+  Also, do/did diesel engines have a carb?</span>
 </p>
 <p>
  After <span class="comment">cleaning out gunk and doing some makeshift
@ -109,11 +109,10 @@ going with this so I'll just leave it in here, commented out.
 <p>
  A few hours pass as they fix up a bunch of other small things around
  the train and put the floor panels back in. While climbing around the
-  storage shelves in the hall, he finds a crate of dried-out lead-acid
-  batteries. After adding some water and letting them sit for a while
-  to dissolve the acid, he shoves them into the battery compartment and
-  connects the cables.<br />
-  <!-- Is hall the correct translation for Halle? -->
+  storage shelves in the <span class="comment">hall/hangar?</span>, he
+  finds a crate of dried-out lead-acid batteries. After adding some water
+  and letting them sit for a while to dissolve the acid, he shoves them
+  into the battery compartment and connects the cables.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Michelle, can you turn the switch?</span>
  <br />
  <span class="quote speech">Nothing.</span><br />
--- a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
+++ b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
@ -14,7 +14,7 @@
  She breaks out of her freeze. The train had turned out to be a single
  car. A single, slightly rusty railcar painted in shades of dark
  blue. <span class="comment">note: make it a theme that the metro is
-  always yellow and red</span> The only person inside is the guy who
+  always yellow and red</span> The only person inside is the guy who had
  called out to her, turning away from the door he had just opened.
  His Neotek jacket flaps in the air as he runs towards the other end of
  the train &ndash; that has to be Jack. The motors begin to hum while
@ -114,7 +114,7 @@
 </p>
 <p>
  The screams of the police and technicians are drowned out by the hissing
-  of pressurized air and the heavy clunk of large machinery.
+  of pressurized air and the <i>ka-chonk</i> of large machinery.
  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized, cycling airlock, please
  stand by</span>, announces an automated voice. The bunker door behind
  them starts to move with a creaking noise. The
--- a/na-Telescope.html
+++ b/na-Telescope.html
@ -20,21 +20,18 @@
 </p>
 <p>
  The pavement is cracked and has potholes, and the highway is partially
-  overgrown. Despite this, its condition is somehow good enough.
+  overgrown but, despite this, its condition is somehow good enough.
  Michelle floors it and the truck rattles and shakes as it accelerates
  on the uneven asphalt. James is occupied with calming down Dora for
-  <!-- "calming down" / just "calming"? -->
-  a moment. Eventually, even though she is really too big for that, he
-  takes her on his lap so she can look outside. He looks back up.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Holy shit! How are you not absolutely
-  terrified by this?</span><br />
+  a momenr. Eventually, even though she is really too big for that, he
+  takes her on his lap so she can look outside.<br />
+  As he looks back up, he says: <span class="quote speech">Holy shit!
+  How are you not absolutely terrified by this?</span><br />
  Michelle responds: <span class="quote speech">You get used to it... Also,
  I know very well what I can or can&apos;t do with this car &ndash;
-  I used to drive the same back then.</span><br />
-  He holds onto the handle in the door with one hand while trying to hold
-  Dora with the other.<br />
-  Michelle glances over at him and adds: <span class="quote speech">Relax,
-  that seat belt is gonna hold you, you gotta hold Dora.</span>
+  I used to drive the same back then.</span>
+  She glances over at him and adds: <span class="quote speech">Relax, that
+  seat belt is gonna hold you.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
  The ruins of the city outskirts fly by. Within a few minutes, they make
@ -52,12 +49,12 @@
  &ndash; a small group of buildings in the distance.
  As they get closer, the buildings take distinct shapes. Two of them
  stand out: The one in the center holds a large geodesic dome and another
-  one, off to the side behind it, is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out
+  one off to the side behind it is a smooth round dome with a slot cut out
  of it for a telescope to peek through. Well, it <i>was</i> smooth at one
  point &ndash; now, it has many holes with a tree growing out of the
-  largest one. The geodesic dome is partially covered in vegetation hanging
-  off its outside but looks otherwise intact. The other buildings look like
-  mostly unremarkable ruins in various stages of decay.
+  largest one. The geodesic dome is partially covered in ivy vines but
+  looks otherwise intact. The other buildings look like mostly unremarkable
+  ruins in various stages of decay.
 </p>
 <p>
  Michelle says:<br />
@ -67,22 +64,15 @@
  <span class="quote speech">Aww, what a let-down. Still gonna look for
  pictures there... Didn&apos;t you say you also need a telescope?</span>
  <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: That one
-  back there is the optical one, and that ball of triangles in the middle
-  holds a radio telescope. That&apos;s essentially just a really big
-  antenna.</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">There are two telescopes here: The optical one
+  back there and the radio telescope in that ball of triangles in the
+  middle there. That&apos;s essentially just a really big antenna.</span>
  <br />
  <span class="quote speech">An antenna but you call it a telescope?</span>
  <br />
  <span class="quote speech">It works similarly, just for imaging a much
  lower part of the electromagnetic spectrum. Stars give off a bunch more
  than just visible light.</span><br />
-  <!-- ChatGPT feedback (paraphrased):
-       This sounds a little “author explaining astronomy” rather than
-       Michelle naturally speaking.
-
-       I just cba to rewrite it at this moment.
-  -->
  <span class="quote speech">I have no idea what you just said but can we
  try that one?</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">A lot of things would have to go right for
@ -90,7 +80,7 @@
 </p>
 <p>
  She drives through what remains of an open gate, onto a large,
-  overgrown paved area in between the buildings, going around
+  overgrown paved area inbetween the buildings, going around
  the radio telescope and parking the truck between it and the optical
  one. They get out and look around. Trees and bushes grow all over
  the place, some even out of the buildings&apos; walls. Dora runs up
@ -106,25 +96,21 @@
  contents are rotting sheets of paper holding documents and logs.
  Annie finds a folder with photos that are partially stuck together.
  The ones in the front depicting the outside of the observatory but
-  at least one shows a nebula.<br />
+  there is at least one depicting a nebula.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">James, look what I found.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Oooh thanks!</span><br />
  He takes it and puts it into a bag.
-  <span class="comment">he quickly looks at it, then puts it away</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The stairs have partially
+  Meanwhile, Jack has found a way upstairs. The staircase has partially
  collapsed so he drags one of the filing cabinets in their place and
  climbs to the next floor.<br />
-  <span class="comment">Jack callout</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech"></span>
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  Potential plot hole: Why is the telescope inside a geodesic dome?
-  <br />
-  Missing: exploring the rest of the optical telescope, not wasting too much
-  time there
-  <br />
-  Missing: exploring the other telescope
+  Plot hole: why geodesic dome?
+  They start exploring in the optical telescope building - not wasting
+  too much time there. Then, they go into the radome.
 </p>

 <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023-2026 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans=["<span class=\"paper green\">","<span>"];let pre_texts=document.getElementsByTagName("pre");for(let i=0;i<pre_texts.length;i++){if(pre_texts[i].className!="paper")continue;let lines=pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n");let result="";for(let j=0;j<lines.length;j++){if(lines[j].length>=80)result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+"</span>\n";else result=result+spans[j%2]+lines[j]+" ".repeat(80-lines[j].length)+"</span>\n";}pre_texts[i].innerHTML=result;}fetch("./chapters.json").then(function(result){return result.json();}).then(function(json){let chapters=json.pages;for(let i=0;i<chapters.length;i++){if(chapters[i]===document.URL.replace(/^.*\//,"./")){let prevdiv=document.createElement("div");prevdiv.className="prev";if(i>0){prevdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i-1]+"\">&#9667;</a>";}else{prevdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9667;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(prevdiv);let nextdiv=document.createElement("div");nextdiv.className="next";if(i<chapters.length-1){nextdiv.innerHTML="<a href=\""+chapters[i+1]+"\">&#9657;</a>";}else{nextdiv.innerHTML="<p>&#9657;</p>";}document.body.appendChild(nextdiv);}}});</script></body></html>
--- a/pm--emily_wake_up_again.html
+++ b/pm--emily_wake_up_again.html
@ -3,17 +3,18 @@
 <h1>&lt;Emily wake up again&gt;</h1>
 <!-- perspective: Emily -->
 <p>
-  Emily wakes up in her bed, lying on her side. Lena is sitting on the
+  Emily wakes up in her bed, laying on her side. Lena is sitting on the
  floor in front of her, leaning against the window, with her arms over
  her knees and her head resting on them. She looks very pale. A few
  thoughts flash through Emily&apos;s mind in quick succession:
  <span class="quote non-speech">asleep or dead &mdash; she moved a tiny
  bit, she&apos;s breathing &mdash; asleep, phew.</span><br />
-  Emily moves into a more comfortable position. Lena jolts awake
-  and lifts her head, looking disoriented for a moment.<br />
+  Emily moves into a more comfortable position. Lena
+  <span class="comment">zuckt zusammen</span> and lifts her head, looking
+  disoriented for a moment.<br />
  She says in a weak voice: <span class="quote speech">So you will
  live.</span><br />
-  Emily moves her blanket aside and sits up.<br />
+  Emily sits up.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">How long has it been?</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">About three days.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Have you slept at all?</span><br />
--- a/qb-Banished.html
+++ b/qb-Banished.html
@ -39,8 +39,8 @@
  a bunch of things in here that aren&apos;t true.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Take it or leave it.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">What are you getting out of this?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">People like you cause too much trouble.
-  The less of that, the better.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">We don&apos;t want people like you here.
+  You cause too much trouble.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">What will happen if I sign this?</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">You will be removed from Sunside Cove.</span>
  <br />
@ -52,9 +52,8 @@
  You will join them and not return.</span><br />
  She looks back at the pages.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">... Okay...</span><br />
-  The other pages are some half-filled-out forms. She is given a pen and
+  The other pages are some half filled-out forms. She is given a pen and
  told to fill in the rest.
-  <!-- more character introspection needed? -->
 </p>
 <p>
  Not much later, she finds herself at trial. As laid out in the paperwork,
@ -65,7 +64,7 @@
  Isabelle is taken to a cell with no bed or toilet, just a bench.
  She sits down and waits. The guard leaves and the hallway gets quiet.
  The only thing she hears is the hum of the flourescent lights.
-  She waits. And waits some more. Time passes.
+  She waits some more. Time passes.
 </p>
 <p>
  The lights go out. Relays click in the hallway. She tries to look
@ -89,7 +88,7 @@
  run off to. Now go.</span><br />
  She gets up and does as she is told. The diffuse light reflecting off
  the floor and the walls lets her barely see her surroundings. Another
-  guard appears in the door at the end of the hallway, holding
+  gaurd appears in the door at the end of the hallway, holding
  a flashlight as well.
 </p>
 <p>
--- a/qc-the_floor_is_water.html
+++ b/qc-the_floor_is_water.html
@ -34,16 +34,10 @@
  platform roughly taking up a third of the ravine's width. One side is
  connected to the rock face, the other side ends in a vertical edge that
  goes down to the outflow of the power plant. A very rusty railing
-  lines that side, though it looks like it might fall apart if you look
-  at it wrong. The entire platform is flooded by water rushing out of a broken
-  door in the rock face. It spreads out over the platform, and flows off the
-  edge.<br />
-  <!--
-    asked ChatGPT for vocabulary help, its suggestions:
-    - stands atop
-    - spans roughly a third of
-    - sheer drop / vertical drop
-  -->
+  <span class="comment">begrenzt</span> that side, though it looks like
+  it might fall apart if you look at it wrong. The entire platform is
+  flooded by water rushing out of a broken door in the rock face.
+  It spreads out over the platform, and flows off the edge.<br />
  Michelle says to Jack: <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t think
  we&apos;ll get in this way.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Got another idea?</span><br />
@ -53,15 +47,17 @@
  <span class="quote speech">We just need to get past the door, the water
  inside will be moving a lot slower.</span><br />
  Michelle and Annie decide to stay back, Jack and James approach the door
-  from the side. The two lift a large rock off the ground and &ndash; with
-  considerable effort &ndash; toss it right in front of the door. It starts
-  rolling immediately and, within seconds, tumbles over the edge.<br />
+  from the side. The two pick up a large rock and throw
+  <span class="comment">huck?</span>
+  it right in
+  front of the door. It starts rolling immediately and, within seconds,
+  tumbles off the edge.<br />
  Jack calls out to the girls:
  <span class="quote speech">Looks like you were right.</span><br />
  Michelle asks: <span class="quote speech">Can you say that again?</span>
  <br />
  He says <span class="quote speech">no</span>, failing to
-  suppress a grin.<br />
+  suppress a smile.<br />
  James notices an access hatch a few meters up on the other side of
  the door.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Look, up there, that thing seems
@ -71,8 +67,8 @@
  The guys back away from the door and make their way over to the railing
  at the edge of the platform. From there, they try to wade to the other
  side. James goes ahead, taking a few cautious steps forward before the
-  current gets too strong. He attempts to hold on to the desolate railing.
-  It breaks instantly, leaving him with a roughly 20 centimeter long
+  current gets too strong. He attempts to hold on to the desolate railing
+  It breaks instantly, leaving hime with a roughly 20 centimeter long
  piece of rust in his hand. Jack pulls him back from the strongest part
  of the current.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Welp, I guess that&apos;s that. Not gonna
@ -80,7 +76,7 @@
  They return to the girls and they all decide to head back up.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
-  Missing section
+  Missing paragraph
 </p>
 <p>
  Jack turns the key and the gate starts to move up, scrathcing and
--- a/ra--Emily_first_contact.html
+++ b/ra--Emily_first_contact.html
@ -13,16 +13,17 @@
 <p>
  3 &ndash; 5 &ndash; 2 &ndash; 1 &ndash; Enter. The keypad beeps with
  every button press. A computer voice announces
-  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span> and the door
-  slides up. She steps through into the main control center. The module
-  contains one large room with rows of integrated equipment desks arranged
-  in a crescent, curving to the right. Most of the seats face towards
-  the center, allowing a view of the biotope through a huge panorama window
-  to the left that is taking up the entirety of the wall. The biotope is
-  an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support beams,
-  completely filled with plant life, trees, small critters, and a big pond.
-  The remaining walls hold large status panels with seven-segment displays
-  and lots of big status indicator symbols.
+  <span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span> and the door slides
+  up. She steps through into the main control center. The module contains
+  one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks arranged
+  in a <span class="comment">Mondsichel</span> shape with the
+  <span class="comment">W&ouml;lbung</span> to the left. Most of the seats
+  are facing that way, allowing a view of the biotope through a huge
+  panorama window taking up the entire wall. The biotope is an even larger
+  module with a ceiling of glass and support beams, completely filled with
+  plant life, trees, small critters, and a big pond. The walls across from
+  her and to the right hold large status panels with some seven-segment
+  displays for information and lots of big status indicator symbols.
 </p>
 <p>
  Emily walks down the shallow stairs towards the panorama window. In