02 Unlikely Encounter: more revision (minor fixes this time)

02-Unlikely_Encounter-Annie-intro.html

@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@
 <p>
   Following the sound, she walks down the hallway. She stops to listen.
 </p>
-<p class="strong">
+<p class="light">
   beep beep
 </p>
 <p>
@@ -33,9 +33,9 @@
 </p>
 <p>
   The sound is clearer, it comes from down there. Annie walks down the
-  stairs and turns on the lights. She rarely goes to the basement, usually
+  stairs and turns the lights on. She rarely goes to the basement, usually
-  just to add to the piles of archived paperwork on the rows of shelves,
+  just to add to the piles of paperwork on the rows of shelves, but she had
-  but she had no idea there was anything other than the archive down here.
+  no idea there was anything other than the archive down here.
 </p>
 <p class="strong">
   beep beep
@@ -43,8 +43,8 @@
 <p>
   The room is dimly lit by a few light fixtures on the walls. Looking
   through between the rows of binders, boxes, and loose stacks of paper,
-  she notices a small dark area in the back of the room. She begins to
+  she notices a small dark area in the back of the room. She walks towards
-  walk towards it.
+  it.
 </p>
 <p class="heavy">
   beep beep
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@
   the rest of the room, she finds what looks to be a small office. There
   is a large wooden desk with a comfortable-looking though well-worn
   leather chair in front of it. Next to the chair is a floor lamp that was
-  apparently placed there in the absence of a desk lamp. The desk itself is
+  apparently placed there in absence of a desk lamp. The desk itself is
   a mess, apart from a neatly organized row of books towards the wall,
   holding all sorts of cables and other things. Front and center is a
   terminal...
@@ -65,8 +65,8 @@
 <p>
   ... and apparently it is the source of the beep sound. She had never
   used one before but taking a quick look can&apos;t hurt &ndash; and
-  besides, this beeping is slowly getting annoying. She walks up to it and
+  besides, this beeping is slowly getting on her nerves. She walks up to
-  begins to inspect it... <span class="comment">wording!!</span>
+  it and begins to inspect it... <span class="comment">wording!!</span>
 </p>
 <p class="heavy">
   BEEP BEEP
@@ -103,7 +103,7 @@ Type reply: &#9608;
   BEEP BEEP
 </p>
 <pre class="terminal">
-hello
+Type reply: hello&#9608;
 </pre>
 <p>
   Click,&emsp;&emsp;&emsp;
@@ -112,8 +112,8 @@ hello
   click,&emsp;&emsp;&emsp;
   click.
 
-  The buttons click with a very satisfying feeling and sound. Unlike the
+  The buttons have a very satisfying feel and sound to them - unlike the
-  beeping noise which is ...  now gone. It was kinda loud and getting
+  beeping noise which is ...  now gone. It was unpleasantly loud and
   annoying.
 </p>
 <pre class="terminal">
@@ -125,132 +125,105 @@ Thank you. Appreciate it.
   That took a while to... type?... Is that the word? The rows of buttons
   are arranged in a strange order... Annie looks around. Lots of cables,
   a pile of paper, an empty cup, some pens and pencils, a screwdriver and
-  other tools, a rubber duck - what an odd place to find a rubber duck...
+  other tools, a rubber duck &ndash; what an odd place to find a rubber
-  A phone! She picks it up - no signal. <span class="comment">Freizeichen?
+  duck... A phone! She picks it up &ndash; no signal. <span class="comment">
-  </span> Weird. Maybe it&apos;s disconnected. She looks on the floor and,
+  Freizeichen?</span> Weird. Maybe, it isn&apos;t connected. She looks on
-  sure enough, there is the plug - not for much longer as she finds a
+  the floor and, sure enough, there is the plug &ndash; not for much
-  phone socket and plugs it in. Strange electrical noises. She tries to
+  longer as she finds a phone socket and plugs it in. Strange electrical
-  dial a number but nothing happens. A couple random characters appear on
+  noises. She tries to dial a number but nothing happens. She drops the
-  the terminal. She drops the receiver back on the cradle and types into
+  receiver on the cradle and turns back to the terminal. A couple random
-  the terminal again:
+  characters appear.
 </p>
 <pre class="terminal">
-i cant call anyone the phone is only making weird noises
+%s;  i cant call anyone the phone is only making weird noises
 
-This modem is probably on the same line, I&apos;ll disconnect. I will dial
+This modem is probably on the same line. I can disconnect for a while and
-in again in a bit. Talk to you then.
+dial in again in a bit.
+
+okay
+
+Talk to you then.
 
 LINE DISCONNECTED -
-
 Tue, 2106-06-01, 19:16
 
 AgriWorks Login: &#9608;
 </pre>
 
-<ul>
-  <li class="comment">
-    This would be a good place for Annie to ask about what a modem is.
-    Could help to fix the terminal dialog.
-  </li>
-  <li class="comment">
-    Also an opportunity for Karl to get very interested in Jack&apos;s
-    situation.
-  </li>
-</ul>
 <p>
-  Annie picks up the phone again - but who to call? Her coworkers would
+  <span class="quote non-speech">What&apos;s a modem?</span> she wonders
-  probably make fun of her or be annoyed. Also, this place,
+  for a second, but then disregards the thought as she picks up the phone
-  &quot;Cryo&nbsp;Facility&nbsp;53&quot;, she had never heard of it.
+  again. Who to call though? Her coworkers would probably make fun of her
-  The only one who might know more about that place is her grandpa, as he
+  or be annoyed. Also, this place,
-  had thoroughly studied the plans of the city in his spare time back in
+  <span class="quote non-speech">Cryo&nbsp;Facility&nbsp;53</span>, she had
-  the day. So she dials his number...
+  never heard of it. The only one who might know more about it is her
+  grandpa, as he used to work for the power company and had studied the
+  plans of the city very thoroughly. So she dials his number...
 </p>
 <p>
-  She is greeted by the friendly voice of an old man. <br />
+  Annie is greeted by the friendly voice of an old man. After
-  <span class="quote speech">What&apos;s on your mind that you call
+  <span class="comment">a short exchange of &quot;Hello, how are
-  now?</span>
+  you?&quot;</span>, she begins explain the situation. He interrupts her
-  <span class="comment"> Note to self: Improve this, it doesn&apos;t sound
+  while relaying what Jack had written:<br />
-  right to me </span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Cryo&nbsp;Facility? Are you sure?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Uhhh...</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Yes, it says here: Cryo Facility 53.</span><br />
-  She makes a short pause. <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Well that makes it very interesting.
-  <span class="quote speech">This might be a little bit weird but someone
+  Unfortunately, we can&apos;t get there. These cryogenic facilities are
-  contacted me from a location called
+  outside the dome.</span><br />
-  &quot;Cryo&nbsp;Facility&nbsp;53&quot;. I wondered if you happen to know
+  <span class="quote speech">So there is no way we can help him?</span><br />
-  where that is. <span class="comment">or anything about it</span></span>
+  <span class="quote speech">Well not directly. Facility 53 does happen to
+  be on the mountain above &lt;dome city&gt; but it isn&apos;t connected to
+  the dome.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">How did he get there then?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">He ... didn&apos;t. He&apos;s been there from
+  the start.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">How?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Cryogenic sleep - it&apos;s a way to preserve
+  people for a log time. It was thought to be impossible for a long time
+  but they somehow made it work just before the apocalypse happened.</span>
   <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Cryo&nbsp;Facility? Haven&apos;t heard anyone
+  <span class="quote speech">He&apos;s one from the old world? Doesn&apos;t
-  talk about these in a while... Are you sure?</span><br />
+  that mean that he&apos;s way over a hundred years old?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Yes, it says here: Cryo Facility 53.</span>
-  <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">What does he want?</span>
-</p>
-<p>
-  Annie relays what Jack had told her about his situation and asks who
-  would be the right person to help him.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s a bit of a tricky question...
-  These cryogenics facilities are outside the dome.</span>
 </p>
 <ul>
   <li class="comment">
-   needs to imply that the dome is under a mountain / underground
+    the dialog also needs to say that Karl wants to get in touch with Jack
   </li>
   <li class="comment">
-    hint at the fact that the city was built with the
+    hint at the possibility to go outside?
-    intention that ppl would return outside when it is safe again
   </li>
   <li class="comment">
-    explanation of what &quot;cryogenic sleep&quot; is
+    ensuing Annie Jack conversation needs to be modified taking into
-  </li>
+    consideration that Karl wants to contact Jack (also notes/story and
-  <li class="comment">
+    everything else)
-    his dad had thought that it was a ridiculous idea that could never work
   </li>
 </ul>
 <p>
-  Slowly, she sets the receiver back on the cradle. What would she tell
+  Slowly, she sets the receiver back on the cradle, pondering over what she
-  Jack? What could she do for him? And the outside world - people could
+  had just learned. The call had left her with more questions than she had
-  survive there? She looks at the terminal but nothing had changed.
+  before. And what would she tell Jack? She looks at the terminal but
+  nothing had changed so she gets up to grab some snacks.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Annie ponders over what she had just learned for a moment, then she gets
+  A cup of juice and two cookies later, she hears the telephone ring in the
-  up to grab some snacks. A cup of juice and a cookie later, she returns,
+  basement. Annie grabs another cookie and hurries back down the stairs.
-  holding two additional cookies. She leans against the wall while nibbling
+  She makes it to the desk just in time for the phone to stop ringing. The
-  at one of them. The second cookie is almost gone when she hears it again:
+  text on the terminal disappears. She looks back and forth between the
-</p>
+  phone and the terminal for a moment. A new message appears. She sits down
-<p class="heavy">
+  and replies:
-  BEEP BEEP
-</p>
-<p>
-  Annie looks up and walks over to the terminal.
 </p>
 
 <pre class="terminal">
 Hello again.
-</pre>
 
-<p>
+hello  i am really sorry but we cannot get to facility 53  its outside
-  Again, she sits down in the chair.
-</p>
 
-<pre class="terminal">
+Okay. Sucks to be me, I guess...
-hello  i am really sorry but we cannot help you we cant get to
-outpost 53 its outside
 
-Hm. Okay...
+is there anything else i can do for you
-</pre>
 
-<p>
+Yes. I might be able to fix up the door if I had a service manual for it.
-  Annie doesn&apos;t know what to say. She feels bad for Jack, but there
+Do you think you can get me a copy?
-  really is nothing she could do about it.
-</p>
-
-<p class="comment">
-  TODO: Fix this
-</p>
-<pre class="terminal">
-is there anything else i could do for you
-
-Yes. I might be able to force the door open if I had a service manual for
-it. Do you think you can get me a copy?
 
 i dont know  where would i find it
 
@@ -258,9 +231,8 @@ You are in the city under the mountain, right?
 
 yes &lt;name of city&gt;
 
-If memory serves right, there is a library in the city center. They should
+The library should have it.
-have it. I need the service manual for a Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker
+I need the service manual for a Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker Door.
-Door.
 
 yes   but how would i get a book to you
 
@@ -268,43 +240,46 @@ They should have a digital version of it... You are not very familiar with
 computers, are you?
 
 no
-
+</pre>
-Are there any computer people you could ask to send me one?
+<p>
+  Annie looks up from the terminal. She finds a piece of paper and a pen
+  &ndash; whoever works here hopefully won&apos;t mind &ndash; and writes
+  down <span class="quote non-speech">Neotek B33FY-AF door</span>.
+</p>
+<pre class="terminal">
+Are there any computer people you could ask for help?
 
 not sure they would do that  my grandpa might but he doesnt work here
 
-Any computer hooked up to a modem and a phone line should do. If he knows
+As long as he has access to a computer and modem, he should be able to do
-his way around computers - and has access to one - he will be able to do
 this.
 
 whats a modem
 
-A modem is typically a small device that allows a computer to connect to
+It allows you to connect computers over the telephone network.
-the telephone network so that two computers that are far away from each
-other can be connected - like the computers we are using right now.
 
-i think he has one
+not sure he has one but i can ask
-</pre>
-<p class="comment">
-  Note to self: This makes little sense given her unfamiliarity with
-  computers. She knows that her grandpa is reasonably familiar with
-  computers and that he has one, but that&apos;s about it.
-</p>
-<pre class="terminal">
-Great! Could you please ask him if he can establish a connection to
-&lt;phone number&gt; at 300 baud?
 
-i think he would love to do that its his sort of thing but it will take a
+Thank you.
-few days
+Btw, I never asked your name...
-
-Thank you - I never asked your name...
 
 annie
 
 Thank you, Annie!
+In case he does, he can reach this modem under &lt;phone number&gt; at
+300 baud.
+</pre>
+<p>
+  She picks up the pen again and adds the phone number and
+  <span class="quote non-speech">300 baud</span> &ndash; whatever that
+  means.
+</p>
+<pre class="terminal">
+okay but it might take a couple days
+
 I can hold out down here for quite a while, don&apos;t worry about a couple
-days. I&apos;ll check back on Friday evening if I don&apos;t hear from you
+days. I&apos;ll be back on this terminal on Friday evening if I don&apos;t
-or your grandpa before then. Is that okay?
+hear from you or your grandpa before then. Is that okay?
 
 are you safe down there
 
@@ -314,22 +289,19 @@ day.
 
 ok thats good
 </pre>
-
 <p>
-  <span class="quote thought">The light of day</span>, Annie thinks to
+  <span class="quote non-speech">The light of day</span>, Annie thinks to
-  herself, <span class="quote thought">what does it look like?</span>
+  herself, <span class="quote non-speech">what is it like?</span>
-  <span class="comment"> reword this </span>
 </p>
-
 <pre class="terminal">
 I have to go now, the bunker&apos;s daily phone usage quota is running out.
 Thank you again and looking forward to talk to you and your grandpa.
 
-The manual I need is for the Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker Door, this
+Neotek Dynamics B33FY-AF Bunker Door
-modem can be reached under &lt;phone number&gt; at 300 baud.
+&lt;phone number&gt; @ 300 baud
 
 I will connect back to this terminal on Friday if we haven&apos;t
-established contact before then, okay?
+established contact before then.
 
 can we talk tomorrow  i have questions
 
@@ -339,41 +311,44 @@ LINE DISCONNECTED -
 
 Tue, 2106-06-01, 20:12
 
-AgriWorks Login:
+AgriWorks Login: &#9608;
 </pre>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote thought">Is that a yes or a no?</span>, Annie wonders,
+  <span class="quote non-speech">Is that a yes or a no?</span>, Annie
-  still slightly puzzled by the whole situation. She starts reading all
+  wonders, still not quite sure what to make of the whole situation.
-  that&apos;s still on the screen.
+  She starts re-reading all that&apos;s still on the screen.
-  <span class="quote speech">The light of day</span>, she quietly says to
+  <span class="quote speech">The light of day</span>, she quietly mumbles
-  herself.
+  to herself.
 </p>
 <p>
   As she reads the section with the bunker door and the phone number, she
-  reaches for a pen and some paper and writes them down - whoever works
+  double-checks what she had written down. She continues to read. After a
-  here hopefully won&apos;t mind. As Annie continues reading, she hears a
+  moment, the terminal makes a quiet click and turns off. The screen
-  quiet clicking noise and the terminal turns off. The screen flashes and
+  flashes and quickly turns to black before a tiny red light under the
-  quickly turns to black. A tiny red light on the side comes on to
+  adjustment knobs comes on to illuminate the letters &quot;RDY&quot;.
-  illuminate the letters &quot;RDY&quot;.
 </p>
-<p class="comment">
+<p>
-  This still needs a satisfying conclusion of how she gets up, grabs her
+  Annie collects the crumbs of the third cookie that had magically
-  stuff, and leaves.
+  disappeared and eats them. Then, she gets up, takes the piece of paper,
+  and walks back to the stairs. Still thinking about the phrase
+  <span class="quote non-speech">the light of day</span>, she returns to
+  her office. Now, she wants to see it too &ndash; out of curiosity.
+  She collects her things and leaves for the day.
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie closes the door behind herself and locks it. As she takes a breath
-  of the slightly humid air, she takes a step back onto the sidewalk to
+  of the slightly humid air, she steps back onto the sidewalk to look at
-  look at the clock above the entrance... 8:35 PM - the realization of how
+  the clock above the entrance... 8:25 PM - the realization of how much
-  much time had passed hits: Normally she&apos;d be home by now. She starts
+  time had passed hits: Normally she&apos;d be at home already. She starts
   walking towards the metro station at the corner. The buildings here are
-  similar to the ones in other parts of the city - three to four story
+  similar to the ones in <span class="comment">Wohngebieten?</span> - three
-  houses painted in different colors - but they are lacking balconies and,
+  to four story houses painted in different colors - but they are lacking
-  instead of being homes, they mostly house offices. On the other side of
+  balconies and, instead of being homes, they mostly house offices. On the
-  the street is an embankment that holds the rails for the metro and beyond
+  other side of the street is an embankment that holds the rails for the
-  that is the outer wall of the dome. The street lights illuminating the
+  metro and beyond that is the outer wall of the dome. The street lights
-  area had already switched to their low-brightness mode for the night.
+  illuminating the area had already switched to the lower brightness for
-  She had only seen it like this a couple of times, it made the area look
+  the night giving the area an eerie look. Only a couple times had she
-  eerie.
+  seen it like this while staying late for company events.
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie reaches the corner. She looks left and right before crossing the
@@ -382,10 +357,10 @@ AgriWorks Login:
   next train arrives, that&apos;s a long wait... The station is completely
   devoid of life, nobody else is out here this late. Annie walks up to the
   vending machine at the upper end of the staircase -
-  &quot;OUT&nbsp;OF&nbsp;ORDER&quot;... Hrm. Mildly frustrated, she sits
+  <span class="quote non-speech">OUT&nbsp;OF&nbsp;ORDER</span>... Hrm.
-  down on one of the benches and and starts rummaging in her bag. She finds
+  Mildly frustrated, she sits down on one of the benches and and starts
-  her headphones and puts them on. At the end of the cable is her walkman.
+  rummaging in her bag. She finds her headphones and puts them on. At the
-  She presses play and starts listening.
+  end of the cable is her walkman. She presses play and starts listening.
 </p>
 
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