notes/locations: more creativity pls

Suggestions are welcome.
'ma' Escape: don't mention the observatory
2023-11-23 08:27:20 +01:00 · 2023-11-23 08:22:02 +01:00 · 2023-11-23 08:09:40 +01:00 · 2023-11-23 07:58:21 +01:00 · 2023-11-22 18:51:21 +01:00 · 2023-11-22 18:04:42 +01:00
5 changed files with 71 additions and 109 deletions
--- a/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
+++ b/ma-Escape-from_dome_city.html
@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
-<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> Escape From Dome City </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
+<!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> Escape </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
-<h1> Escape From Dome City</h1>
+<h1> Escape</h1>
 <p>
  Annie reaches the platform. The sirens of the police cars are really
  close now. A train is coming. The first police car arrives at the
@ -179,8 +179,7 @@
  HST1511 to Siren&apos;s Edge from platform 14, HST815 to Nova Metropolis
  from platform 11. This train will continue on line 5 to
  Sentinel&nbsp;Shores Sea&nbsp;Market via Ivydale&nbsp;West,
-  Sentinel&nbsp;Shores Observatory, Sentinel&nbsp;Shores Central
+  Sentinel&nbsp;Shores Central Station.</span><br />
  Station.</span><br />
  After a moment, Jack says quietly:<br />
  <span class="quote speech">I wonder how much of these places is
  left...</span> Raising his voice back to a normal level, he adds:
--- a/notes/locations.txt
+++ b/notes/locations.txt
@ -109,6 +109,7 @@ Train stations:
  - Ivydale Distillery
 - Sentinel Shores: 
  - Sentinel Shores Observatory
    - needs a nicer name
  - Sentinel Shores Central
  - Sentinel Shores Fish Market
 - Inside the dome: 
--- a/notes/story.txt
+++ b/notes/story.txt
@ -172,6 +172,7 @@ Story begins on Tue, 2106-06-01
 -> talk about where to get computers from
  -> James suggests the datacenter in Rogue Tides
 [outdated stuff that may serve as ideas for current story]
 * *... missing things (not in order):* 
  * *power plant shenanigans* 
    * *secret organization has to do things like putting up banners in high-profile locations and/or distribute a manifesto*
@ -195,10 +196,10 @@ Story begins on Tue, 2106-06-01
  * *Emily takes off from the moon*
  * *\[done, needs revision\] Emily lab incident*
  * *they have to, at some point, climb on a sky scraper - maybe even multiple times*
-* Emily enters the atmosphere 
+
-  * something goes wrong - either fuckup or technical failure or both
+[needs revision] Emily enters the atmosphere
-  * she realizes that she is descending waay too fast and tries mentally going through the emergency checklist
+-> technical failure
-* Emily lands
+[mostly done] Emily lands
 Scene Ideas:
@ -212,5 +213,5 @@ more or less forcing her back to the base and sit there watching her so she
 doesn't do anything stupid.
 Emily is alone, preparing for her descent to Earth. As part of the
-preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biosphere
+preparations, she releases the remaining lab mice into the biotope
 module (they came from there originally).
--- a/vb--Emily_incoming_connection.html
+++ b/vb--Emily_incoming_connection.html
@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> &lt;Emily incoming call&gt; </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
 <h1> &lt;Emily incoming call&gt; </h1>
 <p class="comment">
  At some point before this chapter, the protagonists need to make phone
  calls happen &ndash; probably from the perspective of those on Earth as
  most of the things in the Lunar Biosphere have been at least kinda
  maintained.
 </p>
 <p class="light">
  drrrrrrrrinnng
 </p>
 <p>
  Emily finds herself still staring into the sky. She lifts her head.
 </p>
 <p class="light">
  drrrrrrrrinnng
 </p>
 <p>
  That&apos;s the phone in the control room.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
  She gets up and realizes that she had been completely neglecting her
  bodily needs (food, water, ...) and that her back hurts.
  She starts makeing her way to the main control center, part-way there the
  phone stops ringing. She goes to the nearest bathroom, goes to one of the
  kitchens to grab the next vegetable she can find, and heads to the control
  center to log on at a terminal.
 </p>
 <p class="copyright">Copyright &#169; 2023 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) &ndash; All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans = ["<span class=\"paper green\">", "<span>"]; let pre_texts = document.getElementsByTagName("pre"); for (let i = 0; i < pre_texts.length; i++) {if (pre_texts[i].className != "paper") continue; let lines = pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n"); let result = ""; for (let j = 0; j < lines.length; j++) {result = result + spans[j%2] + lines[j] + " ".repeat(80-lines[j].length) + "</span>\n";} pre_texts[i].innerHTML = result;}</script></body></html>
--- a/zz--end.html
+++ b/zz--end.html
@ -1,90 +1,15 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> &lt;End&gt; </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
 <h1> &lt;End&gt;</h1>
 <p class="comment">
  If you are just here to read, skip past the outline.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
  Outline of this section:
 </p>
 <ul>
  <li class="comment">
    protagonists are waiting on top of one of the sky scrapers in
    Nova Metropolis
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    they&apos;re having food, potentially cooking it over a camp fire or
    gas stove or whatever
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    Jack&apos;s watch starts to beep
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        that&apos;s the alarm he set for roughly the time when moon girl
        should be entering the atmosphere
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    They get up and walk to the edge and start observing the sky with
    binoculars
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        after a while, the escape pod becomes visible as its heat
        shield glows red hot
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    several minutes pass (ChatGPT says a space shuttle would take about
    half an hour so let&apos;s assume 10 to 15 min
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    the thing is coming down way too quickly
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    the rear end of the capsule breaks apart while it&apos;s (from their
    perspective) still far up in the sky
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    the capsule plummets into the city leaving a crater where it lands and
    taking down some buildings
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        they think they just witnessed a horrible accident
      </il>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    after a moment, a parachute opens in the distance
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        it lands between the buildings
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    In a hunch, one of the protagonists grabs a radio and broadcasts a
    message asking if the girl is okay
    <ul>
      <li class="comment">
        very noisy but clearly affirmative response
      </li>
    </ul>
  </li>
  <li class="comment">
    End of story
  </li>
 </ul>
 <p>
  The group sits around the pot with leftovers on the gas stove, enjoying
  the view of the skyline from above. They had decided to wait on top of
  one of the tallest sky scrapers the city had to offer to increase their
-  odds of seeing where Emily would land. The intense light of the sunset
+  odds of seeing where Emily would land. The intense light of the setting
-  paints Nova Metropolis in various hues of vibrant orange and the moon
+  sun paints Nova Metropolis in vibrant hues of yellow and orange and the
-  is already visible in the sky. They are engaged in a conversation about
+  moon is already visible in the sky. They are engaged in a conversation
-  the mind-boggling vastness of space and all it contains.
+  about the mind-boggling vastness of space and all it contains.
 </p>
 <p class="strong">
  bebebebeep bebebebeep bebebebeep bebebebeep
@ -106,36 +31,34 @@
  towards the sky. Jack and Annie join them. Jack takes a compass out of
  his pocket and briefly looks at it. Then, he points in a direction in the
  sky and says:<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">The pod should appear somewhere around
+  <span class="quote speech">The shuttle should appear somewhere around
  there.</span><br />
  James hands his binoculars to Michelle for a moment.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">I see it! There!</span> she exclaims before
-  handing them back to him.
+  handing them back to him.<br />
-</p>
+  It looks like a tiny, red glowing dot in the sky, slowly growing in size.
-<p>
+  For a few minutes, nothing seems to happen. The dot gets bigger and
-  The capsule looks like a tiny, red glowing dot in the sky, slowly
+  bigger, turning into a black triangle as the glow dims and finally
-  growing in size. For a few minutes, nothing seems to happen. The dot gets
+  disappears. The shuttle sheds its heat shield as it slowly comes closer.
  bigger and bigger turning into a black circle as the glow dims and
  finally disappears. The pod sheds its heat shield as it slowly comes
  closer.
 </p>
 <p>
  Around the 15 minute mark, Jack notices that it has moved almost above
  them.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s a bit too close for comfort - and
+  <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s a bit too close for comfort &ndash;
-  way too fast.</span> he says.<br />
+  and way too fast.</span> he says.<br />
-  Parts appear to be breaking off from the pod. They watch the last couple
+  Parts appear to be breaking off from it. They watch the last couple
-  minutes of the fall realizing that something has seriously gone wrong.
+  minutes of the fall realizing that something has gone seriously wrong.
-  It plummets into the city, shaking the ground slightly, and taking
+  It plummets into the city, taking multiple buildings down with it.
-  multiple buildings down with it. Nobody says anything for a while as they
+  The ground shakes slightly. Nobody says anything for a while as they
  watch the buildings around the impact crumble and the remaining parts
  rain out of the sky in a mix of awe and shock.
 </p>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Guys, over there!</span> Michelle points into
+  Michelle interrupts the silence: <span class="quote speech">Guys, over
-  the sky behind them. <span class="quote speech">A parachute...</span>
+  there!</span> She points into the sky behind them.
-  <br />
+  <span class="quote speech">A parachute...</span><br />
-  <span class="comment">reaction needed</span><br />
+  <span class="comment">reaction needed &ndash; something along the lines
  of &quot;Sie hat mehr Gl&uuml;ck als Verstand&quot;</span><br />
  They watch as it disappears between the buildings.
 </p>
 <p>
@ -143,8 +66,11 @@
  he had insisted on bringing.<br />
  <span class="quote speech">Maybe, she can hear us from here...</span>
  <br />
-  She swiches it on and turns the frequency dial until the needle is in
+  She hooks up the battery, flips the power switch, and turns the frequency
-  the position that Jack had marked.<br />
+  dial until the needle is in the position that Jack had marked.<br />
  <span class="comment">Note to self: The battery is a car battery. Make
  that clear at some point before this chapter. Maybe include the part where
  Jack insists on bringing it.</span><br />
  <span class="quote speech">Emily, can you hear us? Are you okay?</span>
  <span class="comment">Might benefit from proper radio protocol</span>
  <br />
Author	SHA1	Message	Date
BodgeMaster	147b037277	notes/locations: more creativity pls Suggestions are welcome.	2023-11-23 08:27:20 +01:00
BodgeMaster	133c7a8011	'ma' Escape: don't mention the observatory	2023-11-23 08:22:02 +01:00
BodgeMaster	a5d0305d08	'ma' Escape From Dome City -> Escape	2023-11-23 08:09:40 +01:00
BodgeMaster	1757a59167	notes/story: updates	2023-11-23 07:58:21 +01:00
BodgeMaster	0a5ceee85e	'zz' (End): revision	2023-11-22 18:51:21 +01:00
BodgeMaster	5a6f8505a3	`zz`(End): Remove redundant outline	2023-11-22 18:04:42 +01:00
BodgeMaster	f3de9750e0	'vb' (Emily incoming call): start writing not much tho	2023-11-22 17:46:25 +01:00