03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html

@@ -19,15 +19,13 @@
 <p>
   Annie walks down the stairs and steps onto the square. It is brightly
   illuminated by a large glowing sphere made of yellow and brown glass
-  tiles, suspended on steel cables hanging from four office complexes
-  that tower over the rest of the buildings. The other buildings around the
-  square are more in line with the rest of the city but they each have a
-  very unique look. <span class="comment">Add a description of some
-  buildings</span> To the right is the library, a large building with a
-  facade of sandstone blocks. The front features large pillars and a
-  staircase spanning the entire width of the building giving it the look
-  of an ancient temple. The wall behind the pillars has multiple rows of
-  windows.
+  tiles, suspended on steel cables that hang from four office complexes
+  towering over the rest of the buildings. <span class="comment">Add a more
+  detailed description of the general area.</span> To the right is the
+  library, a large building with a facade of sandstone blocks. The front
+  features large pillars and a staircase spanning the entire width of the
+  building giving it the look of an ancient temple. The wall behind the
+  pillars has multiple rows of windows.
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie makes her way up the stairs and enters through the large wooden
@@ -65,9 +63,8 @@
   falls shut. Quickly, she walks back to the station. A train is coming.
   She hurries up the stairs and gets on. The doors close and it begins to
   move. Annie catches her breath and takes her library card out to look at
-  it. The note written on it reads:
-  <span class="quote non-speech">&lt;metro station&gt; 10:30PM
-  tonight</span>.
+  it. The note written on it reads: &quot;Meet me at 10:30PM tonight,
+  &lt;metro station&gt;&quot;.
 </p>
 
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04-Return_Null.html

@@ -43,26 +43,22 @@
   force. The crunchy bearings scratch on the rails as they get dragged
   forward. After struggling for a bit, Jack finally reaches the point
   where the top cover and the empty compartment for a removable platter
-  are fully exposed. He undoes the thumb screws holding the assembly in
-  place, then he slides it forward and lifts it out, revealing the
-  circuit boards, motor, and the spindle with fixed platters beneath.
-  A fine silver line along the edge in the otherwise brown coating of the
-  upper-most platter shows where one of the heads had crashed –
-  a deep scratch but, with a bit of luck, this might still be recoverable.
-  He undoes two more thumb screws on the inside and the face plate of the
-  drive comes off. Using a crank-driven flashlight <span class="comment">
-  Is that the right way to describe this?</span> that he had found in one
-  of the desk cabinets, he inspects the three platters: The one on top
-  turns out to be the outlier, both of the other platters have thick
+  are fully exposed. He undoes the thumb screws holding them in place,
+  then he slides the assembly forward and takes it out, revealing the
+  circuit boards, motor, and spindle with fixed platters beneath. A fine
+  silver line along the edge in the otherwise brown coating of the top-most
+  platter shows where its upper
+  head had crashed &ndash; a deep scratch but, with a bit of luck, this
+  might still be recoverable. He undoes two more
+  thumb screws on the inside and the face plate of the drive comes off.
+  Using a small flashlight that he had found in one of the desk cabinets,
+  he inspects the three platters: The one on top turns out to be the
+  outlier, its underside and both of the other platters have thick
   silver-y white stripes lining their edges.
   <span class="quote speech">Well, there goes that pipe dream.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  Jack puts the drive back together. Hopefully, he will get the manual for
-  the door from Annie, otherwise he&apos;ll have to dig his way out of the
-  bunker somehow. <span class="quote speech">But enough of that for
-  now</span>, Jack thinks and puts the thought aside for a while. Now, he
-  needs a way to entertain himself until the evening.
+  Jack puts the drive back together
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
   This has been moved here from chapter 1 &quot;Wake Up&quot;. It should

ka-I_Like_Trains-finding_the_train.html

@@ -1,20 +1,22 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> I Like Trains </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
 
 <h1>I Like Trains</h1>
+<p class="comment">
+  Context: They are exploring the Ivydale train yard
+</p>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Michelle! Guess what I found...</span><br />
-  She climbs through the gap between rotting cars on the adjacent track.
-  <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">No idea. Where are you?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Michelle! Look what I found...</span><br />
+  She climbs through the gap between the rotting cars on the adjacent
+  track.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Where are you?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Up here.</span><br />
-  Jack is standing on top of one of the metro trains. Michelle climbs onto
-  the link between cars, from there onto the the edge of the broken
-  windshield, and Jack helps her up to the rather sketchy-looking roof.
-  <br />
+  Jack is standing on the rather sketchy-looking roof of one of the
+  trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars and Jack helps her
+  to the top.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Look, over there...</span><br />
-  He points across the deteriorating trains, towards the outermost track of
-  the overgrown train yard. A small roof &ndash; or in places what remains
-  of it &ndash; extends over the track from the side of a large building.
+  He points across the deteriorating metro trains towards the outermost
+  track of the overgrown train yard. A small roof - or in places what
+  remains of it - extends over the track from the side of a large building.
   Several tank cars sit under it. Some are rusted through or missing
   parts, but a few look like they might still hold liquids.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh, wow! Maybe there&apos;s some gas left in
@@ -25,86 +27,67 @@
   They climb back down and make their way over to one of the tank cars.
   Jack clmbs onto the side of the car and attempts to use the ladder
   leading to the top. It crumbles under his feet.
-  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down &ndash; hey, use
-  me as a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her on top of
-  it.
-  <span class="comment">Wording!! &quot;ladder&quot; and &quot;helps&quot;
-  reads weird twice in a row</span>
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down - hey, use me as
+  a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her up on top of it.
 </p>
 <p>
   Michelle inspects the lid. It&apos;s held on with large nuts.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Do we have a wrench or something?</span><br />
   Jack looks around.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t know. Lemme take a look in
+  <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t know. Lemme take a look inside
   there...</span><br />
   He disappears through an opening in the wall where used to be a door.
-  After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a huge adjustable
+  After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable
   wrench.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">It&apos;s a bit rusty but should do the
   job.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m afraid to see what you call very
   rusty.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">This thing, for example.</span><br />
-  He hits the ladder with it, causing a large section of it to break off
-  and crumble. Then, he hands her the wrench. After a bit of fiddling, she
-  manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the lid in place
-  &ndash; it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
+  He knocks it against the side of the tank causing more pieces of the
+  ladder to break off. Then, he hands the wrench to her. After a bit of
+  fiddling, she manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the
+  lid in place - it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Need a hammer or something?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">One of these pipes over there should
+  <span class="quote speech">Can you hand me that pipe? It should
   do.</span><br />
   Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and passes it to her. Putting it
   over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the
   bolt snaps with a bang.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s certainly one of the ways to undo
-  a nut</span>, she says before moving on to the next one.
+  a nut.</span><br />
+  She moves on to the next one.
+</p>
+<p class="comment">
+  missing section: Michelle opens the lid and finds some disappointing
+  fact - it&apos;s empty or whatever<br />
+  then repeat for another one
 </p>
 <p>
-  One by one, she removes the other nuts. Some of them snap off, some
-  unscrew with considerable force. She lets go of the pipe and attempts
-  to lift the lid &ndash; it&apos;s still stuck in place. Using the wrench
-  as a hammer, she whacks it until it comes loose.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">There&apos;s nothing in here.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech"><i>Great.</i> I guess there are a bunch more
-  we can try...</span> <span class="comment">needs a better reaction, may
-  want to state disappointment explicitly</span><br />
-  She jumps down onto the edge of the car.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Looks like we&apos;ll be climbing a bunch of
-  tank cars today.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s see about that... Mind giving me
-  the wrench for a moment?</span><br />
-  She hands it back to Jack. He uses it to knock against the wall of the
-  next tank.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Sounds empty.</span>
-</p>
-<p>
-  The third tank seems more promising. It only makes a dull <i>clunk</i>
-  when Jack hits it with the wrench. He helps Michelle on top again.
-  The nuts on this one come off more easily and it doesn&apos;t take
-  long until she lifts the lid.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Jackpot! Smells like diesel.</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea but I need to show you
-  something.</span><br />
+  The contents of the next tank are more promising.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Smells like diesel... We should go find a
+  truck or something to drive around.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Okay, uhh, stupid idea but I need to show you
+  something.</span> Jack grins.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh no, what are you up to again?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nothing in particular... Wanna follow me for a
-  sec?</span>
+  sec?</span><br />
+  Michelle jumps down onto the edge of the car, then to the ground and
+  follows him to the entrance.
 </p>
 <p>
-  Michelle jumps down and follows him to the entrance of the building.
-  They walk over the door on the floor, past a counter to the left, into
-  the wide open hall. It is dimly lit by the light that makes it through
-  the dirty windows and small holes in the surprisingly intact roof.
+  He walks over the door on the floor, past a counter to the left, into the
+  wide open hall. It is dimly lit by the light that makes it through the
+  dirty windows and small holes in the surprisingly intact roof.
   <span class="comment">note: Make it more clear that the windows are
   below the roof. Also, I imagine them to be milky windows for some reason.
   </span> A few rows of large industrial shelves on the other side of the
-  hall hold partially rotting crates. To either side of them are open
-  spaces with machine tools, small cranes, and other machinery. A few
-  plants grow here and there. Through the center of the hall leads a
-  single train track with additional sets of rails for a gantry crane
-  besides it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the rusty crane,
-  sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
-</p>
-<p class="comment">
-  The following dialog nededs to go / be entirely rewritten.
+  hall hold partially rotting crates. On either side of the area with the
+  shelves are spacious areas with machine tools, small cranes, and other
+  machinery. A few plants grow here and there. A single train track goes
+  through the center of the hall with additional tracks for a gantry crane
+  to either side of it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the
+  rusty crane, sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
 </p>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea indeed</span>, she says while