'ra' (Emily first contact): revision
Tore out the section about the phone call entirely, revised the restmaster
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@ -15,13 +15,12 @@
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="comment">
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Emily and Lena sit down at a desk with a view of the biotope and have
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Emily and Lena sit down at a table with a view of the biotope and have
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a meal
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<ul>
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<li class="comment">
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the meal gets interrupted by the equipment in the control center
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coming to life (fans coming on, some control panels lighting up,
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boot-up/status/ready beeps)
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coming to life
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<ul>
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<li class="comment">
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a status light on the wall, that Emily had never seen on,
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@ -74,9 +73,6 @@
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</li>
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</ul>
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<p>
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<span class="comment">note: need to check mice eating behavior when fed,
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might want to add a section where she actually handles and feeds them
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</span><br />
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Emily closes the cage and puts the <whatever they feed the mice>
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back into the cupboard. She <span class="comment">does something related
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to taking care of the mice</span>, steps out into the hallway, and
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@ -87,24 +83,23 @@
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<p>
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3 – 5 – 2 – 1 – Enter. The keypad beeps with
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every button press. A computer voice announces
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<span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span>. The door to the main
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control center module slides up and she steps through. The module
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contains one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks
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arranged <span class="comment">need a fitting description of what a
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mission control rom looks like</span>. The wall to the left that most of
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the seats are facing is completely taken up by a panorama window into
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the biosphere, an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support
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beams completely taken up by plant life, trees, small animals, and a big
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pond. The wall to the right holds a large status panel with some
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seven-segment displays for information and lots of big status indicator
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symbols.
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<span class="quote speech">Access authorized</span> and the door slides
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up. She steps through into the main control center. The module contains
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one large room with rows of integrated computer equipment desks arranged
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<span class="comment">need a fitting description of what a mission
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control rom looks like</span>. The wall to the left that most of the
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seats are facing is completely taken up by a panorama window into the
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biotope, an even larger module with a ceiling of glass and support beams,
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completely filled with plant life, trees, small animals, and a big pond.
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The wall to the right holds a large status panel with some seven-segment
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displays for information and lots of big status indicator symbols.
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</p>
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<p>
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Emily walks down the shallow stairs towards the panorama window. In
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front of the window are tables and chairs that were moved there recently
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as the room had become more of a general hangout spot for the remaining
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people when they were still around. Lena sits at one of them,
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<span class="comment">preparing something</span> while waiting for her.
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people when there still more than just Lena and her. Lena sits at one of
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them, cutting a bread into slices while waiting for her.
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</p>
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<p class="comment">
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missing dialog about food and starting to eat
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@ -115,64 +110,18 @@
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turn on. Some of the status indicators on the back wall start blinking.
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A large, green triangle with the letters LINK next to it flickers and
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then lights up. Emily looks at it in confusion.<br />
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<span class="quote speech">What does that light mean?</span> She gestures
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towards it.<br />
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<span class="quote speech">What's going on?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">That's them.</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Earth people?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Yes</span>, Lena replies while quickly
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finishing her meal, <span class="quote speech">they said they'd try
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to get a phone connection going.</span><br />
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As if on cue, the phone on the large center console begins to ring. Lena
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gets up and walks over, Emily follows her. <span class="comment">note:
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might need to imply that Lena is very sick</span> Lena sits down in
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front of it, picks up the receiver, and presses a few buttons.
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The speaker on the console starts crackling and hissing. Through the
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noise, they hear a faint voice. Lena leans over to a microphone and
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talks into it:<br />
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<span class="quote speech">We can't hear you, one moment.</span>
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<br />
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She flips some switches on the console. The speaker cracles some more,
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then a loud pop, then silence. The smell of magic smoke is in the air.
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</p>
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<p>
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Lena turns to a terminal and starts typing.<br />
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<span class="comment">note to self: missing establishing connection<br />
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note to self: add some data corruption</span>
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</p>
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<pre class="terminal">
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MOON-01 > This hasn't been maintained in forever. I think the
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phone just went.
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EARTH-53> You may wanna check the modules under P2 for burnt components.
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MOON-01 > I know.
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MOON-01 > We have another problem somewhere along the line. There's
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apparently more noise than signal.
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</pre>
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<p>
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Lena opens a cover with a small label "P2", pulls two cards
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out of their sockets, and inspects them. One has a big black burn mark
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right in the center. She turns to Emily:<br />
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<span class="quote speech">Can you fetch me this module from another
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phone?</span>
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</p>
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<p>
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<span class="quote speech">And?</span> Michelle asks Jack as he looks up
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from the terminal.<br />
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<span class="quote speech">Weak signal - and they need to fix their
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phone.</span><br />
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James asks <span class="quote speech">What about that plan B of
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increasing the transmit power?</span><br />
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<span class="quote speech">Meh.</span> Jack doesn't seem too
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enthusiastic about it.<br />
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<span class="comment">TODO: Dialog. They decide not to increase the
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power before double-checking that everything is aligned properly. Sure
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enough, they're off by a bit.<br />
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Request for comment: Does this make the story more interesting or is it
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confusing? I originally didn't want to do perspective changes
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within chapters, and I still might not, but this was too good of an idea
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not to write it down.</span>
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finishing her meal, <span class="quote speech">They have some abilities
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to remotely control things – including turning on the main radio
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transmitter.</span><br />
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She gets up and asks Emily to follow her to one of the consoles with a
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terminal. She sits down in front of it, logs on and enters a few
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commands.
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</p>
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<p class="comment">
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note to self: After fixing the alignment, pick up on the moon and
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continue.
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corrupted chat, the connection has deteriorated in comparison to before
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</p>
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<p class="copyright">Copyright © 2023 Jan Danielzick (aka. BodgeMaster) – All rights reserved.</p><script>let spans = ["<span class=\"paper green\">", "<span>"]; let pre_texts = document.getElementsByTagName("pre"); for (let i = 0; i < pre_texts.length; i++) {if (pre_texts[i].className != "paper") continue; let lines = pre_texts[i].innerHTML.split("\n"); let result = ""; for (let j = 0; j < lines.length; j++) {result = result + spans[j%2] + lines[j] + " ".repeat(80-lines[j].length) + "</span>\n";} pre_texts[i].innerHTML = result;}</script></body></html>
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