'pa' Bare Necessities: revise chapter end (unfinished)

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BodgeMaster 2025-10-20 09:02:57 +02:00
parent 09b841611e
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1 changed files with 8 additions and 24 deletions

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@ -133,13 +133,13 @@
and Jack. <span class="quote speech">Follow me.</span> and Jack. <span class="quote speech">Follow me.</span>
</p> </p>
<p> <p>
Mary says: <span class="quote speech">The closest access point is right Mary says: <span class="quote speech">The closest access hole is right
there, behind the store.</span><br /> there, behind the store.</span><br />
They walk around it and onto a field of <span class="comment">withering? They walk around it and onto a field of <span class="comment">withering?
</span> plants. A large, partially buried pipe with just the top exposed </span> plants. A large, partially buried pipe with just the top exposed
goes through it with an access hatch roughly in the center of the field. goes through it with an access hatch roughly in the center of the field.
Right next to the hatch is a <span class="comment">Gestell?</span> with Right next to the hatch is a <span class="comment">Gestell?</span> with
a boom to lower a large bucket into the access hatch.<br /> a boom to lower a large bucket down into it.<br />
Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Is it all like this, buried pipes Jack asks: <span class="quote speech">Is it all like this, buried pipes
going to fields?</span><br /> going to fields?</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Mostly. In the greenhouses, it&apos;s just <span class="quote speech">Mostly. In the greenhouses, it&apos;s just
@ -150,28 +150,12 @@
connects to the inlet. It&apos;s a bit of a walk but I can show connects to the inlet. It&apos;s a bit of a walk but I can show
you.</span><br /> you.</span><br />
She gestures for them to follow but Jack stops her:<br /> She gestures for them to follow but Jack stops her:<br />
<span class="quote speech">Wait, we can take the truck.</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">Wait, we can drive there.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">That&apos;s <i>your</i> car?</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s <i>your</i> car? Heck yeah!</span>
Her sudden excitement seems to take Jack by surprise.<br />
<span class="quote speech">Uhh... yeah.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">That&apos;s so cool! I&apos;ve only ever seen
the broken ones by the side of the road. We gonna drive there?</span>
<br /> <br />
<span class="quote speech">If you show the way.</span><br /> <span class="quote speech">Uhh... yes.</span><br />
<span class="quote speech">Heck yeah!</span> He seems to be taken aback by her sudden excitement.<br />
</p> <span class="comment">Missing: explanation, they go to car, Mary sits in
<p class="comment"> the front with Jack</span>
Not sure of this should be the end of a chapter or if I should continue
here.<br />
One thing that has happened is that this chapter, while written from
Annie&apos;s perspective, has her be a passive bystander without even
having any introspection for most of it. This needs to be adressed
somehow.
</p>
<p class="comment">
Description of the inlet: Two &lt;translate: Stauwehre&gt;, a large one
and a small one. The small one can be adjusted with large screws.
Behind the small one is a pit with a grate covering the tunnel entrance.
They see a railway bridge not too far upstream.
</p> </p>
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