BodgeMaster
/
post_apocalypse_story
2
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity

'mb' First Steps Outside: revision 

Shuffled things around, improved some things, made some things worse.
I’m probably gonna undo some of the changes made here but there are
language improvements in here as well that I wanna keep.
master
BodgeMaster 2023-10-04 22:55:10 +02:00
parent 2348f48f6f
commit b1645b06c2
1 changed files with 37 additions and 17 deletions
Show Stats Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

54
mb-First_Steps_Outside.html
View File

@ -63,10 +63,10 @@
<span class="speech">Why not?</span><br />
She steps back.<br />
<span class="speech">Watch.</span><br />
He kicks it. Loud cracking follows, and the ringing of metal. A roughly
two meter wide section of the railing breaks loose and falls. Annie takes
a bigger step back. The railing crashes into the ground below with a loud
ringing bang.<br />
He pushes against it. Loud cracking follows, and the ringing of metal.
A roughly two meter wide section of the railing breaks loose and falls.
Annie takes a bigger step back. The railing crashes into the ground
below with a loud ringing bang.<br />
<span class="speech">How did you know?</span><br />
<span class="speech">I made the same mistake over there.</span><br />
He points to another missing section in the railing that Annie
@ -86,21 +86,41 @@
<span class="speech">Many things are bigger than &lt;dome city&gt;.
This is the smaller of two sister cities.</span><br />
He points towards another urban center in the distance.<br />
<span class="speech">That over there is Sentinel Shores, the place I
used to call home.</span>
</p>
<p>
After pointing out some other notable landmarks, Jack leads Annie to the
end of the station that they entered it from. The balcony-like walkway
turns into a wide staircase where the mountain extends over the tunnels
and the back wall of the station. It leads down to a collapsed bridge
next to a large waterfall. Annie marvels at the sheer amount of water
flowing by, something that she&apos;s never seen before.
<span class="speech">That over there is Sentinel Shores, the place
I used to call home.</span>
</p>
<p class="comment">
At this point, the documents are still in the driver&apos;s cabin and the
keys are still in the train. They need to come back for them before
leaving for the bunker.
At some point before this, Jack needs to tell her something along the
lines of &quot;No pity. I chose this life.&quot;
</p>
<p>
After pointing out some other notable landmarks, Jack decides it is time
to get going. He starts to lead the way, walking to the end of the end of
the station that they entered it from, before abruptly turning to Annie.
<span class="speech">You know what we forgot?</span>
</p>
<p>
They return to the side entrance, walk down the stairs, follow the ledge,
back up the stairs, and end up at the train. Annie puts the documents
back into her bag. Jack grabs the keys from the control panel
<span class="speech">just for good measure</span> and uses one of them to
close the door from the outside.
</p>
<p class="comment">
I don't like this. It feels too contrived. Would have been better if
Jack had just closed the door when they left the train and left it at
that. That also allows for a later scene where someone realizes that
the documents are still in the train.
</p>
<p>
Jack leads the way again, this time walking to the end of the platform
where the tunnels open up into the station. There, they use another
underpass taking them to the end of the balcony-like walkway. It
connects to a wide staircase down from the end of the embankment
where the mountain extends over the tunnels and the back wall of the
station. It leads to a collapsed bridge next to a large waterfall.
Annie marvels at the sheer amount of water flowing by, something that
she has never seen before.
</p>
<p>
Jack goes ahead, climbing down the wall where the bridge used to begin