04 Return Null: minor revision

03-A_Simple_Errand-Annie_library.html

@@ -19,13 +19,15 @@
 <p>
   Annie walks down the stairs and steps onto the square. It is brightly
   illuminated by a large glowing sphere made of yellow and brown glass
-  tiles, suspended on steel cables that hang from four office complexes
+  tiles, suspended on steel cables hanging from four office complexes
-  towering over the rest of the buildings. <span class="comment">Add a more
+  that tower over the rest of the buildings. The other buildings around the
-  detailed description of the general area.</span> To the right is the
+  square are more in line with the rest of the city but they each have a
-  library, a large building with a facade of sandstone blocks. The front
+  very unique look. <span class="comment">Add a description of some
-  features large pillars and a staircase spanning the entire width of the
+  buildings</span> To the right is the library, a large building with a
-  building giving it the look of an ancient temple. The wall behind the
+  facade of sandstone blocks. The front features large pillars and a
-  pillars has multiple rows of windows.
+  staircase spanning the entire width of the building giving it the look
+  of an ancient temple. The wall behind the pillars has multiple rows of
+  windows.
 </p>
 <p>
   Annie makes her way up the stairs and enters through the large wooden
@@ -63,8 +65,9 @@
   falls shut. Quickly, she walks back to the station. A train is coming.
   She hurries up the stairs and gets on. The doors close and it begins to
   move. Annie catches her breath and takes her library card out to look at
-  it. The note written on it reads: &quot;Meet me at 10:30PM tonight,
+  it. The note written on it reads:
-  &lt;metro station&gt;&quot;.
+  <span class="quote non-speech">&lt;metro station&gt; 10:30PM
+  tonight</span>.
 </p>
 
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04-Return_Null.html

@@ -43,22 +43,26 @@
   force. The crunchy bearings scratch on the rails as they get dragged
   forward. After struggling for a bit, Jack finally reaches the point
   where the top cover and the empty compartment for a removable platter
-  are fully exposed. He undoes the thumb screws holding them in place,
+  are fully exposed. He undoes the thumb screws holding the assembly in
-  then he slides the assembly forward and takes it out, revealing the
+  place, then he slides it forward and lifts it out, revealing the
-  circuit boards, motor, and spindle with fixed platters beneath. A fine
+  circuit boards, motor, and the spindle with fixed platters beneath.
-  silver line along the edge in the otherwise brown coating of the top-most
+  A fine silver line along the edge in the otherwise brown coating of the
-  platter shows where its upper
+  upper-most platter shows where one of the heads had crashed –
-  head had crashed – a deep scratch but, with a bit of luck, this
+  a deep scratch but, with a bit of luck, this might still be recoverable.
-  might still be recoverable. He undoes two more
+  He undoes two more thumb screws on the inside and the face plate of the
-  thumb screws on the inside and the face plate of the drive comes off.
+  drive comes off. Using a crank-driven flashlight <span class="comment">
-  Using a small flashlight that he had found in one of the desk cabinets,
+  Is that the right way to describe this?</span> that he had found in one
-  he inspects the three platters: The one on top turns out to be the
+  of the desk cabinets, he inspects the three platters: The one on top
-  outlier, its underside and both of the other platters have thick
+  turns out to be the outlier, both of the other platters have thick
   silver-y white stripes lining their edges.
   <span class="quote speech">Well, there goes that pipe dream.</span>
 </p>
 <p>
-  Jack puts the drive back together
+  Jack puts the drive back together. Hopefully, he will get the manual for
+  the door from Annie, otherwise he&apos;ll have to dig his way out of the
+  bunker somehow. <span class="quote speech">But enough of that for
+  now</span>, Jack thinks and puts the thought aside for a while. Now, he
+  needs a way to entertain himself until the evening.
 </p>
 <p class="comment">
   This has been moved here from chapter 1 &quot;Wake Up&quot;. It should

ka-I_Like_Trains-finding_the_train.html

@@ -1,22 +1,20 @@
 <!DOCTYPE html><html><head><title> I Like Trains </title><link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="html_resources/style.css"></head><body><a href="index.html"><button class="back">&lt;</button></a>
 
 <h1>I Like Trains</h1>
-<p class="comment">
-  Context: They are exploring the Ivydale train yard
-</p>
 <p>
-  <span class="quote speech">Michelle! Look what I found...</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Michelle! Guess what I found...</span><br />
-  She climbs through the gap between the rotting cars on the adjacent
+  She climbs through the gap between rotting cars on the adjacent track.
-  track.<br />
+  <br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Where are you?</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">No idea. Where are you?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Up here.</span><br />
-  Jack is standing on the rather sketchy-looking roof of one of the
+  Jack is standing on top of one of the metro trains. Michelle climbs onto
-  trains. Michelle climbs onto the link between cars and Jack helps her
+  the link between cars, from there onto the the edge of the broken
-  to the top.<br />
+  windshield, and Jack helps her up to the rather sketchy-looking roof.
+  <br />
   <span class="quote speech">Look, over there...</span><br />
-  He points across the deteriorating metro trains towards the outermost
+  He points across the deteriorating trains, towards the outermost track of
-  track of the overgrown train yard. A small roof - or in places what
+  the overgrown train yard. A small roof &ndash; or in places what remains
-  remains of it - extends over the track from the side of a large building.
+  of it &ndash; extends over the track from the side of a large building.
   Several tank cars sit under it. Some are rusted through or missing
   parts, but a few look like they might still hold liquids.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh, wow! Maybe there&apos;s some gas left in
@@ -27,67 +25,86 @@
   They climb back down and make their way over to one of the tank cars.
   Jack clmbs onto the side of the car and attempts to use the ladder
   leading to the top. It crumbles under his feet.
-  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down - hey, use me as
+  <span class="quote speech">I guess I found the way down &ndash; hey, use
-  a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her up on top of it.
+  me as a ladder.</span> He leans against the tank and helps her on top of
+  it.
+  <span class="comment">Wording!! &quot;ladder&quot; and &quot;helps&quot;
+  reads weird twice in a row</span>
 </p>
 <p>
   Michelle inspects the lid. It&apos;s held on with large nuts.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Do we have a wrench or something?</span><br />
   Jack looks around.<br />
-  <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t know. Lemme take a look inside
+  <span class="quote speech">I don&apos;t know. Lemme take a look in
   there...</span><br />
   He disappears through an opening in the wall where used to be a door.
-  After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a large adjustable
+  After a moment, he reappears, triumphantly holding a huge adjustable
   wrench.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">It&apos;s a bit rusty but should do the
   job.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">I&apos;m afraid to see what you call very
   rusty.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">This thing, for example.</span><br />
-  He knocks it against the side of the tank causing more pieces of the
+  He hits the ladder with it, causing a large section of it to break off
-  ladder to break off. Then, he hands the wrench to her. After a bit of
+  and crumble. Then, he hands her the wrench. After a bit of fiddling, she
-  fiddling, she manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the
+  manages to get a good grip on one of the nuts holding the lid in place
-  lid in place - it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
+  &ndash; it doesn&apos;t budge.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">Need a hammer or something?</span><br />
-  <span class="quote speech">Can you hand me that pipe? It should
+  <span class="quote speech">One of these pipes over there should
   do.</span><br />
   Jack picks up a section of metal pipe and passes it to her. Putting it
   over the wrench for additional leverage, she pushes against it until the
   bolt snaps with a bang.<br />
   <span class="quote speech">That&apos;s certainly one of the ways to undo
-  a nut.</span><br />
+  a nut</span>, she says before moving on to the next one.
-  She moves on to the next one.
-</p>
-<p class="comment">
-  missing section: Michelle opens the lid and finds some disappointing
-  fact - it&apos;s empty or whatever<br />
-  then repeat for another one
 </p>
 <p>
-  The contents of the next tank are more promising.<br />
+  One by one, she removes the other nuts. Some of them snap off, some
-  <span class="quote speech">Smells like diesel... We should go find a
+  unscrew with considerable force. She lets go of the pipe and attempts
-  truck or something to drive around.</span><br />
+  to lift the lid &ndash; it&apos;s still stuck in place. Using the wrench
-  <span class="quote speech">Okay, uhh, stupid idea but I need to show you
+  as a hammer, she whacks it until it comes loose.<br />
-  something.</span> Jack grins.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">There&apos;s nothing in here.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech"><i>Great.</i> I guess there are a bunch more
+  we can try...</span> <span class="comment">needs a better reaction, may
+  want to state disappointment explicitly</span><br />
+  She jumps down onto the edge of the car.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Looks like we&apos;ll be climbing a bunch of
+  tank cars today.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Let&apos;s see about that... Mind giving me
+  the wrench for a moment?</span><br />
+  She hands it back to Jack. He uses it to knock against the wall of the
+  next tank.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Sounds empty.</span>
+</p>
+<p>
+  The third tank seems more promising. It only makes a dull <i>clunk</i>
+  when Jack hits it with the wrench. He helps Michelle on top again.
+  The nuts on this one come off more easily and it doesn&apos;t take
+  long until she lifts the lid.<br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Jackpot! Smells like diesel.</span><br />
+  <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea but I need to show you
+  something.</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Oh no, what are you up to again?</span><br />
   <span class="quote speech">Nothing in particular... Wanna follow me for a
-  sec?</span><br />
+  sec?</span>
-  Michelle jumps down onto the edge of the car, then to the ground and
-  follows him to the entrance.
 </p>
 <p>
-  He walks over the door on the floor, past a counter to the left, into the
+  Michelle jumps down and follows him to the entrance of the building.
-  wide open hall. It is dimly lit by the light that makes it through the
+  They walk over the door on the floor, past a counter to the left, into
-  dirty windows and small holes in the surprisingly intact roof.
+  the wide open hall. It is dimly lit by the light that makes it through
+  the dirty windows and small holes in the surprisingly intact roof.
   <span class="comment">note: Make it more clear that the windows are
   below the roof. Also, I imagine them to be milky windows for some reason.
   </span> A few rows of large industrial shelves on the other side of the
-  hall hold partially rotting crates. On either side of the area with the
+  hall hold partially rotting crates. To either side of them are open
-  shelves are spacious areas with machine tools, small cranes, and other
+  spaces with machine tools, small cranes, and other machinery. A few
-  machinery. A few plants grow here and there. A single train track goes
+  plants grow here and there. Through the center of the hall leads a
-  through the center of the hall with additional tracks for a gantry crane
+  single train track with additional sets of rails for a gantry crane
-  to either side of it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the
+  besides it. At the end of the hall to the right, below the rusty crane,
-  rusty crane, sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
+  sits a train wrapped up in tarps.
+</p>
+<p class="comment">
+  The following dialog nededs to go / be entirely rewritten.
 </p>
 <p>
   <span class="quote speech">Stupid idea indeed</span>, she says while